Like the Moon ♪

Internal Heat, External Chill

2011-11-09T13:17:00.000-08:00

That's how I am feeling right now. By that, I mean it figuratively and literally. Weather is cold; my skin is feeling cold but my body is rather feverish.

In addition, I may seem relatively calm now, but inside I'm desperately hoping that time can be rewinded; I shall not be greedy, give me 1 week more would do!

At this rate and with this sickly mood, I can't accomplish anything. And tomorrow's last tutorials, I must attend! What's going on, honey and strepsils are no longer working, neither are flu medicines? And now they have to take away my voice too. How am I supposed to survive in school tomorrow without a day of talkings and discussions. Not that I would talk a lot during discussions, but still.. I need it just in case.

I still don't understand why I'm suddenly so ill damn it. I am used to late nights - so the continuous 2-3 days of projects discussions shouldn't be the reason. I was still trolling on facebook and did some embarrassingly insane stuff.. such as, smsing to all my recent contacts at 4.30am (2nd late night) telling them I was drunk in projects and that #goodkidsshouldsleepnow. Better still, some recent contacts are some whom I didn't expect them to be my recent contacts. OH WELL.

Ohhh and not only that. At 5am I sent "Hohohohohohohoho" to a few recent contacts as well. Thankgoddess this time I didn't mark all recent contacts. And thankgoddess I never sent to any of my projects groups members LOL

Imagine my shock (and perhaps, amusement) when I woke up the next day. Apparently, some didn't reply and most who replied were amused. The kindest reaction was from Angeline who replied: " hahahahaha yunying! #thingsthatmakemesmile"..

And I'm stuck at not knowing what to do now. Shall I sleep?

Funny. I am so sick that I can't focus on my work but awake enough to ramble.

Dehumanization in Progress

2011-11-06T02:14:00.000-08:00

asdfghjklasdfghjklasdfghjklasdfghjkl

PROJECT. PROJECTS.

Why are you dehumanizing me? I am already feeling very much like a zombie.

Imagine an awesome Saturday spent staring at your beloved laptop. I love my laptop, but I love my eyes too. Normally woke at 2pm on Saturdays, but today (or should I say yesterday since it's now 1 am plus) had an online Japanese Studies project meeting at 1pm. We paused at 7pm, and i started on my Economics project until 9pm, and back to JS project again until now.. (1.40am). Not yet done. Not forgetting to mention the fact that I am one who absolutely loaaaaathe projects all along.

Yeah, I'm so zombified (if there is ever such a term) that I'm trolling on blogger / twitter / facebook now. I really can't be bothered and I am feeling so suffocated and why am I multitasking 2 projects at the same time.

Trending #foreverlost on twitter with Ang. Retweeted from Ang: "#foreveralone VS #foreverlost dilemma in project. I think I prefer #foreveralone." TOTALLY AGREED. And here comes my current trendings:

#projectsucks

#whathappenedtomyfuckingsaturday

#foreverbraindead

#foreverinsane

#insanityrules!

#so-now-what

#meisawesome

#foreverhonest

Me: #goodkidsshouldsleepnow @kuro_wanko (Ang) #rainynights

Ang: I am tall and I am awesome.

Me: #liarliarpantsonfire.

Ang: #notwearingpants Can lie all you want? that means that according to gender stereotypes, it's alright for females to lie. Females supposed to not wear pants -> no pants to burn -> lie without consequences.

Me: #suchagreatlogic you is #genius

/troll mode on. Feeling rather drunk now. No, not from alcohol, not from emotional excess. Just drunk! At such an ungodly hour!

Still got the blues?

2011-11-04T21:23:00.000-07:00

WARNING: this is an extremely disorganized post since it's mainly my stream of consciousness. Haha, and here it goes.

I am not a huge fan of songs from the Blues genre - I am terribly selective, and I like any songs from any genres as long as they make me think and feel. However, somehow this song title seems to reflect my current mood so I'm using it as my post title. Please don't ponder too much over this title though.

I was feeling rather.. unlike my usual indifferent black-hole self last night. This morning and now inclusive (it's night-time now), I'm feeling so much better (: Although I am still a bit annoyed at myself for reasons that I don't understand either. It all started from an msn conversation (last night), recalling certain past events. Troll much, no?

I swear (I am sorry for the constant use of "swear"; i know "swear" is too harsh a word, but I'm using it to place emphasis LOL). Just in case, you start guessing or letting your thoughts run wild even before you finish reading this post. Okays, I swear, I am NOT out of love. Nobody hurts me, alrights? (the following is cute :D http://fashionsociety.tumblr.com/post/12362988576)

Ohh and Worse of all, I think I almost lost my sanity when i commented: "but like cannot move on."

FML, why did i even bring up the talk on "moving on" asdfghjkl;' Must be the Japanese Studies forum's fault since before chatting on msn I was reading other students' forced-out-craps on JS forum. Must be the "aftermath" of JS which made me lose my rationality at that moment. Yeah, or so I believe.

"who cannot move on?"

ohh FML seriously, what did I say. Damn, that had me going for a moment and over my dead body would I elaborate more on that to you. Nonetheless I am still pretty amazed at how swiftly I recovered from it and even managed to skilfully switch the topic.. But then again, what is with my obsession over the term "moving on"!?

I don't see how the past should affect me anyway. As in, there was absolutely nothing back in secondary school (hell NO, seriously I SWEAR it only started in JC1 or maybe Secondary 4; I SWEAR certainly not during that period of time when I was 12 - 14). Don't ask me why so or why am I so weird, I don't know either. Moreover, it didn't in the least (not any at all) bother me back then, why did it bother me now.

So troll, I was mad at myself the entire night. I'm surprised at.. how surprised I felt. As in, I'm surprised at how I feel too. I know it all along, but somehow knowing that it was really the truth from the person-in-question is a different thing. So funny, I was raging at myself for some unmentionable reasons strangely. Better still, I am actually irritated with myself over some things which should not be of concerns to me - certainly not back then, and not now.

Yeah, and so shallow. But true, at our age, how deep can one be.

So it wasn't a game afterall as I have believed it to be. Or should I say, I lost the match. I (conscious and unintentional concurrently) brought troubles to myself 2 years ago and finally feel the pinch; I am amazed I actually feel the pinch; and now because I feel the pinch, I am annoyed with myself. So dumb. If that was happening now (or back in JC) instead of happening back in secondary school, I still have the reason to FEEL about it. But it was history, for goodness sake. It's amazing how this small historical thing could affect my mood yesterday.

I am even more impressed with my coolness and use of words then, even though my mind was in a mess. I am awesome when it comes to concealing. I only show you what I choose to show.

I really don’t know what I want exactly, and I don’t know what my feelings / thoughts are.

At times, I tend to get stuff which I didn’t even need to put in efforts.. And for only once or twice, I didn’t get what I want in spite of me trying (half-heartedly, of course). Take for instance, Olevels and Alevels. My grades are acceptable, but they were not what I wanted. Wait a minute, I didn't mean I mugged half-heartedly for them; I mean I mostly did last minute work..

And LOL, my life is so academically-based that I tend to link everything back to studies. Enough ramblings, shall start on the Macroeconomics project now I guess.

Ready! :)

2011-10-22T20:22:00.000-07:00

Should be resting / mugging now. Feeling sick physically and mentally. Reminder to self: please finish the lit essay tonight, and drink more water. I understand I shouldnt be wasting time here on blogger, but.. i feel suffocated lol and my throat and nose are making things worse. The only thing i can do now is to make my chest feel better.

Little actions / gestures are meant to be unnoticeable, but one does get tired of being under-appreciated. I was such a naive and stupid (seriously) kid, even up till now, i am still .. well, as dumb as i was back then, enduring without them knowing. I never thought of claiming any credits, but it seriously sucks when people accuse you constantly of something you know you are not, and that they do not know you are not because you never express yourself explicitly. I don't know how to explain it, but I feel like shit. To make things worse, you never see the need to express or clarify, since you think that "it doesn't matter, we have the same blood, endure, there's no need to be so calculative," or you assume that "Never mind. One day, they will know. One day, they will realize that actually it was me who.. "

Yeah, ONE DAY. Can only pray hard that the "ONE DAY" would come soon and that I would not explode before that day arrives.

=/ OH WELL. I was never such a calculative person, but all the unjustified accusations are making me crazy. Just because I was more of the passive character when young, I always end up to be the cold-hearted, selfish, heartless and indifferent one, no matter what.

On a more positive note, last night's mini group dinner at MOF was awesome enough. Meeting up with old friends and listening to their crappings really make me nostalgic. Realize that all of us have finally grown up. :) Okayys, not really "grown-up" since our conversations are still as immature as ever, for instance: /in chinese

"huh you don't know about his most famous line back in BP meh."

"forgot, what is it?"

"what's your religion?"

"no religion?"

"THEN PRAY TO ME!"

then the new line: "huh you until now still no religion? So devoted to me!?"

Haha, i used to think that many things have changed as time passes, but gratefully, not everything has changed for the worse as i had feared. :) Hope there will be more of such meet-ups! A 4-people dinner may seem small but it's nice nonetheless! Humour and lameness LOL :)

/coughs. Need to do lit now.

On a random note, the feminist who is known to have a black hole for a heart is going to start hunting for targets after finals. :) See, told you!

Next week is Recess Week~!

2011-09-17T17:17:00.000-07:00

I absolutely loathe.. that kind of feeling. It's like, you know you are waiting, but you arent sure what exactly are you waiting for. As in, you are uncertain of what's going on in the first place.

Concurrently, the weird sensation that something is wrong, when nothing is wrong. Am I returning to my mood of insanity? Yeah, I know that I was never conventionally sane. I also understand that I was never a very very.. errmm good good girl sometimes either; but come on, I am positive that both you (whoever is reading this) and I know I am considerably decent. Decent as in, both conventionally and unconventionally!

Maybe i should just disappear. This is highly irritating and is certainly a great distraction.

Detachment is an absolutely wise option

2011-08-20T00:23:00.000-07:00

School has started yet I am still not in the mugging mood ): hmm okayys, currently my jc mood is back; description of my "JC mood" = happily hanging out with friends -> reach home -> enter my room -> glance at my table (all the notes and whatsoever) -> suddenly, sleepy and head a bit pain -> don't care, sleep is more important. And this process occurs almost everyday.

I am attempting to plan my timetable (studying schedule) now.. Not that i would really abide by / follow them, but well, like what my teachers used to tell me: IF YOU FAIL TO PLAN, YOU PLAN TO FAIL! So i guess i would just plan them out nicely, since I certainly do not want to fail anything. Afterall, i don't remember anyone saying anything about "failing because you did not follow your plans faithfully"..

Was thinking of deleting this blog and creating a new one. =/ But.. i'll just let it be for the time being. Deleting something physically doesn't necessarily mean you can delete (or forget) it entirely from your life. hmmm. seeing and remembering it yet able to detach yourself from it is the more accurate way, I think.

I want my old life back. Next week = New life. Okayys, actually these 2 weeks = new life; but tutorials haven't started. Hope i didn't make the wrong (weird doesn't mean wrong!) choices of taking the following modules:

Introduction to Literary Studies (Literature)
Introduction to Economics Analysis
Making Sense of Society (Sociology)
Introduction to Japanese Studies
Living with Mathematics

Speaking of which, in this semester, I didn't take the modules i soo badly wanted before school officially started; "Basic Translation - English/Chinese", "Samurai/Geisha", "Gender/Sexuality in Japan", "European Studies", "French I".

Seems like pragmatism outweighs my desires. I think I am born a rational person, but now i am doubting it. I just realise that my "Living with Mathematics" is an irrational decision (i mean, afterall, i am an Arts student).

Need to regain my confidence and love for Mathematics (my long-lost love). Omg, the previous sentence sounds horrendously familiar. I think i repeated it quite a number of times always before Olevels / Alevels began. -.- So maths, love me back please? I promise to leave you alone after this semester~ Okayys, maybe not. As usual, it all depends on my mood. :)

Take it away, I never had it anyway.

2011-07-28T02:58:00.000-07:00

/edited

Bidding. Whatever. A noob like me prefers something simpler.. I'd rather not have any choices than need to deal with such complicated stuff. Okayy, not exactly that complicated, but as i have admitted, i'm a downright noob. Alright, shall take back my words. Having choices are good actually.

Qet results are out. I'm in Band 3 = means i am exempted from english modules hohohohoh. Initially i still thought Band 3 is the worst lololol it's weird, the bandings order I mean. Not in the conventional order D:

Was happily mass-sending this piece of good news to friends (Mr Mohan inclusive heheh) who have helped me in some way or another in preparation for this Qet (yes, i'm that KIASU enough to prepare for it.. well face it, most of you would be too if you were in my shoes)

Heh most of my friends' replies didn't disappoint :) they are just as glad as I am.

Better still. the person who replied almost immediately is someone.. idk why I still hope to really keep in touch with.
"Haha grats!! Tell you your english not D standard liao lo."
I am proud to say that i managed to refrain myself from saying "haha, thanks for having faith /confidence in my english." I have this bad habit of remembering / quoting what this friend of mine said before. A very annoying habit of mine, hope i can get over it soon. Somehow this moron often says things which give people really deep impression..

Even the time now (2:49 AM) reminds me of this friend. =.= Late sleepers. However unlike me, my friend has already altered his/her sleep cycle..

And i find it ridiculously weird that i can link from Qet replies to past incidents to time to sleep cycles, as though my entire life revolves around this friend.

Act, as though you care.

2011-07-15T16:19:00.000-07:00

如果有一天
我回到從前, 回到最原始的我

你是否, 會覺得我不錯

I shall blog about something hilarious now, to ease my ... hmmm, mood of "Je Ne Sais Quoi" over some stuff? Lolol. Shall try to refrain from posting ambiguous things today.

Some kids are.. super cute? hahahah well, I can't find the most appropriate term.

(1) Question posed: Where do the water come from? (supposed to derive answers from a condensation experiment)
Student's answer: The stone. Because the stone will gain heat and to a liquid state where it has water. My immediate reaction at that: WHAT IS THIS? Melting?! and stone where huh?! (then i realized that the stone is just an insignificant prop used in the set-up..)

(2) Question posed: What are the rabbit's hind legs for?
Student's answer: To step on prey.
Correct answer should be: To run away from predators.
Me: WHAT prey? BUNNIES eat plants or CARROTS what D:

(3) Choosing the option : Back-swimmers and water-boatman have flippers / webbed feet ; while dolphins / seals have oar-like legs. Students' reason for choosing this option? They don't know what's a water boatman. Coincidentally, the previous week I taught them about water-spiders so they assume water-boatman is another insect ): omg, poor human, the water boatman lolol

I couldn't help it :) I was yelling at them yet laughing non-stop at the same time. okok, they are primary school kids. And at least these kids tried the questions and never leave them blank.

And the setters of the papers are also.. a bit weird.

(1) a topic known as "Circulatory system in plants".
(2) Question: "The lizard is well-adapted to live in human dwellings. Which function of its adaptation is incorrectly described?" One of the option is "Adaptation: Tail that can drop off and keep on wriggling for a while. Function: to attract mates for reproduction." LOL such sexual connotation.. wasted on a primary school paper. hahahah they don't have that sense of humour!

Anyway, was flipping through Cleo Magazine (July 2011 issue) with Fitri + Yiting and came across something which makes me D: D: D: for quite some time

Horoscope (For Pisces who are single) July 2011

"Though you think he's the one, the truth is, he doesn't think the same way about you. This would lead you to lose confidence but you would get over him soon enough. And when you are back on your feet again, return to the dating scene with a swipe of Kiehl's lip gloss in pink rider ($27) for shiny lips no one can resist."

HEY THAT HURTS MY PRIDE! it's a rough kick in my ego can D: and to my astonishment, I actually went to search the departmental stores for that Kiehl's lip gloss, but can't find such a brand. -.-

On an extremely random note, I have been obsessed (for weeks) with an old song by Jay Chou.

天灰灰会不会
让我忘了你是谁

夜越黑梦违背难追难回味~

To my annoyance, Ang's troll comments to this awesome song: "That's just bad memory. See bad weather then forget stuff..!"

Still I hope for more & more, in this funny little world

2011-06-20T19:48:00.000-07:00

I think I need to keep my temper (and perhaps sensitivity) in check -.-

Maybe it's due to me not getting enough sleep? My sleep cycle is so screwed up; back to Square 1 again. No wonder i never grow. Okayy, not NEVER grow. I mean, grow, but not at a desirable pace.

Eeyer nonetheless. Got easily irritated these days, and my prejudice against certain people seems to have deepened tremendously.. And of course, without their help, all these would not have been made possible. :) Not that i really want to find fault with them. They started it first~!

Some people think that they know you better than you know yourself. Better still, quite a number of weird people judge you based on the kind of friends you have. If your friend is stupid, you are stupid too. If your friend is a flirt, well that makes you one too. And there you are, saying we are the superficial / shallow ones. Now now, who are you calling shallow? Fyi, the blood runs in the family, not in friends~

Some people judge you (and omg i still think i am decent though heheh) based on your words on facebook, twitter, tumblr, face-to-face.. words that may have double-meanings / may be frequently misinterpreted. Some of these people may even be Literature students, but at times humans do misread / are unable to detect tones accurately (so who cares even if you scored an A for Literature). LOL, and sorry no, i'm not implying that i should be the one to get that A~! (though i secretly hope i did.. D:)

Not to forget to mention the fact that i'm a person who sucks at expressing myself (or not expressing). Well, therefore i don't blame you (or your Lit-gotten-A skills) for misreading me since it's my own fault, i know, i know how to reflect on myself, i see the need to improve.

I loathe it when people make wild guesses about other people's (mine's, particularly) stories, and second-guessing other people's conversations. Some people can make such a big fuss over what you said with no strings attached on twitter / facebook / whatever on net or in public. You may be conversing / joking / fooling around with your own close friends innocently, and they happened to see the conversation, then began to make wild guesses, judging you and your friends based on those words (which have absolutely nothing to do with them). And the fact that they already harbour prejudices against you doesn't help D: Uhh. Serve me right for accepting you(s) as a friend(s) on facebook / twitter / real life?

More ironically, the people who they themselves are sick of judgements are the ones judging you. And the funny thing is, here i am, judging them back. LOL. Man, this is an inevitable and never-ending process of "judging". And since it is unavoidable, i'm not saying that we should not judge. I'm trying to say that, you judge, but don't influence others with your judgement or insist they take your opinion (with regard to what kind of person I am). No need to blow things up, especially when misunderstanding / misinterpretation is involved. My life doesn't concern you anyway, or does it?

I am not really a cold-hearted person (stop rolling your eyes at this, my bffs, hahah i'm so kind can), but sympathy is another irritating weapon to hurt others. I have the habit of bouncing upon / reading random people's blogs (when my friends ask me to read that particular person's blog). I realise that some people make use of this "sympathy" device to condemn others, victimising themselves and exaggerating their aggressors' flaws. Some times, these "victims" are the real aggressors in disguise~! Well but i must admit that most of the time, those people who are being condemned in blogs deserve to be reprimanded lol (:

And i dont mean i am the one of those who deserve to be criticised. Frankly speaking, there have been cases where people are talking about me on their blogs and i happened to be reading those posts without even realising the person in question is me~!

Now that i know some people are talking about me even without me realising, i have become quite sensitive -.- Currently, whenever i read their posts, even when i know they are not talking about me, i have that tugging feeling that they are talking about me..

D: heyyyy why does it seem like i'm always the aggressor. I may be evil, but i'm kind at the same time~!

Anyway. how do you find my new blogskin?! :):)

In a cold, calculated manner

2011-05-20T23:44:00.000-07:00

/edited

Haven't blogged for quite some time (not as often like in the past few weeks). Not that i don't have anything to talk about, but more of me wanting to stop reminding myself of things i should not have cared. Or rather, i want to prevent my a-lot-of-things-to-do-but-unable-to-prioritise mind from thinking / pondering / brooding over trivial matters.

And yes, sorry for being MIA (twitter, facebook, blogger, tumblr, msn..) i don't want to log in / visit them. And don't have the desire to. Okayy perhaps, until now. Yet it's more like.. out of a habit though. Friday nights, you know :)

READING IS AWESOME~! Books (at that, my taste of books may differ from yours) are my saviours, my favourite companions. My parents just don't understand the significance / importance of books in my life, especially during night-time. D: I need those books, as simple as that. I do cherish my eyes, i have noted the fact that i need to improvise my reading habits; but i cherish my mind / brains more. they deserve a break from the real world, the world which i believed that sucks till cannot be any suckier.. ehh perhaps until NUS FASS accepted me (LOL) the world which i used to believe since young that efforts would pay off, your own destiny is in your hands..

I shall take back my words, as well as those old beliefs of mine which i used to lead my life by. Currently, i believe that some things are fated. yes, efforts and hard work do make difference / play a crucial role in our lives, but i realise that there are several things that cannot be explained using logics. Not that i'm a logical person by nature, anyway. i'm idealistic, but pragmatic. Lol, so contradictory hohohohoh

Indeed, idk what kind of person i am. I am sensitive, yet insensitive at times; I am friendly, yet hostile at times; i can be a chatterbox, yet i am reserved at times; i am decent, yet i act like a bitch at times; i am true / sincere, yet i often find myself putting on different masks under different circumstances. *shrugs*

I am tired. )))): I am finally tired of caring about how others look at me or say about me or how they treat me. I am tired of analysing / observing / over-reading / sensing, in short, i want to stop getting headaches / misery / unhappiness over what people think / do / say as they cross my path. I cannot take it anymore, I AM TIRED. At this rate, i don't know what odd changes to my character / personality there would again be.

My life can be better-off, if i care more for my own welfare and turn a blind eye to other human beings, no? For the sake of my sanity, as well as insanity. I agree that i am an eccentric person, to a certain extent. I know I am not a constant person; frankly, my own variety of changes shocks me as well haha.

Actually, my life isn't that bad. it may not be as awesome as what i desire, it may not be as meaningful as some others', but still i must admit that it is considerably acceptable.

the day where everything gradually fade away like decaying photos, and i possess the courage to rip my soul from them, instead of forever fretting over the consequences that i may regret for losing them? It is far from now, i guess. for now, i don't want to lose a part of myself, and certainly don't know how to.

Because my past is what defines me, and only through its elements am i able to recognise myself. Although i may still be unable to grasp any knowledge or understanding of myself, at least i know who i am. (I know I am awesome hahah)

// Quoted from Ang whom i was rambling to : "If you look back whilst walking from a graveyard, you see nothing and what's worse, ghosts haunt you."

Well. I ought to stop picking on the scattered pieces from the past, nor should i continue attempting to fix / remedy / make sense out of them now. The past is dead, and it's already too late. Not matter what, things cannot be undo. I would miss out more if i insist on reviewing the past, refusing to move on. It's a tiresome, never-ending process. Stubbornness can only bring me so far.

Easy said. Yet the art of not-being-obstinate is hard to master. Stubbornness is in fact one of my traits which i'm proud of -.-

marriage de amour

2011-05-01T23:11:00.000-07:00

/edited

It's strange how things work. Or rather, how the humans' brains work. You may not understand yourself well yet you don't bother to try to understand yourself more, but instead you are curious about someone else. Out of everyone, you choose to want to know more about that particular person(s) whom you find worth your time understanding, talking to, dealing with. Worse still, when you know that you are asking for a challenge subconsciously; you know the how high the probability of awkwardness / uneasiness occurring for you and that person.

At the end of the day, you realise that the person you have been trying to understand (and perhaps you believe you know many things about him / her); you realise that you don't know him at all. You only see and judge based on what he / she choose to show; and whatever you didn't see or hear from others, you don't know. Eventually, you are forced to admit that all along you were simply observing the shallow misleading surface. You may know a person for years (more than 6, perhaps), you may be in the same school or class or cca or have a number of mutual friends in common, yet..

Really, what's the point now.

And imagine that person quoting your msn personal message "What's the point" and applying it to his / her own current situation, when you are actually referring to him / her. Makes you jerk up and flustered for a moment, doesn't it?

Idk if it's only me and my friends, or is it for most Singaporean students. Our topics always revolve around studies, education. Somehow, every conversation would link back to academic stuff. So you can't blame me if i "made use" of the excuse "Studies" to initiate a conversation most the time, whether it was to help you in your weaker subjects (which, okayy, you may think i'm good at, but actually i was just a bit more hardworking than you are) or to ramble about school. It's actually a desperate attempt to keep the conversation alive.

I said i want to stop. idk if i should, idk if i want. idk if i really tried. i know that over-reading (even if it has been the past) is fatal; but i really want to know if i had / have over-read. In Literature, my awesome lit teachers would inform me professionally which parts i had misread, and remind me not to make those deadly mistakes again. But in real life, who will? And who do you expect me to ask? Even if i know exactly who i should ask, how am i supposed to phrase the questions in my head out of my lips, without hurting any of my pride?

I admitted that i slipped. I used to think that i slipped but never fell. But now i realise that i did not merely slipped, but also fell. Just that there is no ripping, shattering, or breaking.

Without the least bit of provocation on my part

2011-04-29T22:59:00.000-07:00

TODAY. BASIC THEORY TEST FOR DRIVING.

Ang passed with FLYING COLOURS - 50/50. 100%. what a troll. She completed the test earlier than me and was grunting impatiently beside me hohohohoh (but she was kind enough to wait and submit together with me) and i don't give a damnn then (: i passed too, 48/50. seems like i didn't make the wrong choice of only started studying for it one or two days ago.. okok, the passing score is 45/50, so i shouldn't be bragging so much about it here lol.

NO NEWS FROM NTU AND SMU YET. idk whats the delay about since i never applied for any discreationary stuff; it should be either a straight acceptance or rejection. Nonetheless, i have already decided : i am CERTAINLY accepting NUS FASS (thankyou so much for accepting me too~!) the feeling of getting accepted by your very 1st choice out of all (and getting that acceptance notification to arrive first) is truly.. Indescribable. but still, the feeling of getting accepted by all and is able to make a choice is.. good? Even though i have already gotten my 1st choice lol.

A while ago I chanced upon many random people's blogs (yes, i always accidentally bounced upon people's blogs while searching for another person's blog), and apparently, i began reading those random people's blogs since i didn't manage to find the blog url of the person whose posts i intended to read -.-

It's kind of.. depressing yet amusing at the same time to read some people's blogs. Depressing, because of their emotional posts, as well as the fact that i need to visit dictionary.com to check up some words (don't remind me; i need to take the NUS English Proficiency Test). Am impressed by their use of language, really. Amusing, because.. well. Some of them are supposed to sound amusing (at least to me), i guess.

// DAD JUST OPENED THE MAILBOX AFTER HIS TAIJI PRACTICE AND THANKMYGODDESS, NUS FASS ACCEPTANCE LETTER IS HERE~!

okok where was i? anyway let's cut the topic on university stuff; it begins to sound boringg, no? no mention of studies in my posts from now till August!

Let's talk about warriors. Victory. Winners. Losers. The sense of satisfaction you get when you win something, without even requiring you to put up a fight. You achieve it subconsciously, unknowingly..

ERM. actually i think i can achieve sweet victory at the battle of randomness as well hohohohoh

on another extremely random note, today is the first time i really considered touching a guitar.. hmm. Oh well. Some people have really awesome fingers. Awesome as in, not only having the skills, but also physically; idk how to describe other than using the word "nice". I WANT THOSE FINGERS. Seriously. Those that people used to claim to be "pianist fingers" back in BP.

and yes, literally too, for those noobs who want to hear me admit this. -.-

i still believe that health can be compromised

2011-04-26T22:12:00.000-07:00

LADY LUCK HAS DECIDED TO GIVE ME A CHANCE, LIKE FINALLYY

throughout my school years, i have never felt so lucky / fortunate / happy before. this is the 3rd time I've experienced such happiness (wrt results) since young.

the first time : When i scored 100% for my ABRSM Music Theory Examination
the second time : when i passed the JC promotional retests

this time :

You have been offered Arts & Soc Sci in academic year 2011 - 2012.
The details of the offer will be stated in the offer letter.
Your letter of offer was sent on 25-Apr-2011.
For acceptance of the NUS course that has been offered to you, please refer to the instructions enclosed in your offer package.

I know i'm most probably the last 10 percentile to be accepted, and perhaps need to take some English Proficiency Test or whatsoever, but i don't mind. :) I'm so happyyy now (millions thanks to godmum for informing me, NUS for giving me the chance, and Lady Luck for finally acknowledging my presence). I am kind of used to being deprived of luck, but now.. I KNOW THAT MY GODS / GODDESSES REALLY EXIST, AND THEY ACTUALLY LOVE ME~!

Some people are trying to spoil my mood. Shall not mention names (as in, actually there is only one such person) but well, you fails~! though i must admit that your words affect me to a certain extent.

NTU havent accepted me yet. No news from SMU either; not even calls for interviews. Idk what's going on hmmmmmmmm :D

on a random note, today's Kayyan's first love's birthday. Someone by the name Leong Boyen or something - the very first guy she was infatuated with (primary 6, if i never remember wrongly).

and i just can't bring myself to study for BTT. -.-

Maybe we aren't that different; we used to have something in common

2011-04-22T15:48:00.000-07:00

/edited

There are quite a number of temporary staff at the building i'm working in. I was at the market during lunchbreak on Tuesday, then i spotted someone who looks a lot like an ex-classmate of mine. the figure, the backview, the looks. and the attitude. even the facial expression, the "you-are-a-stranger-and-that-makes-you-strange" look.

ERMM actually. that temp staff is indeed a stranger to me -.- So it makes sense for that temp staff to not look at me or to greet people. But so far, he is the most unfriendly temp staff i ran into at my workplace. I was asking that ex-classmate of mine if that was his brother LOL.

Was hoping (and trying) to snap a photo of that temp staff secretly. No, not to keep a picture of him or to look at it everyday, but to use it as an evidence to prove to my sceptical friends that i am not hallucinating or imagining or whatsoever.

I understand that the temp staff has no relations with my ex-classmate, and is certainly not him. However, i couldn't help glancing at him discreetly; as though by observing him more i would manage to dig out more similarities between him and my friend.

I also do not know why i deliberately (or rather, subconsciously) took the longer route back to my seat after ordering my food just to avoid him and his company. It was, as if a reflex action; i immediately turned and walked the other way once i spotted him. At the same time, i found myself glancing over at his table there every now and then while eating LOL. Idk why i am possessing such mixed ambivalent feelings, worse still, towards a stranger, who merely reminds me of an ex-classmate.

Better still, idk why i keep harbouring the urge to talk to that friend of mine. well, actually, i really don't know if he treats me and our mutual girlfriends in common as friends, since he seemed to be under stress / pressure when i tried to keep in touch with him. Perhaps in his eyes, me and my friends are merely acquaintance, not friends. From dictionary.com, it's stated that an acquaintance is someone recognized by sight or someone known, while a "friend" definition includes elements of familiarity, awareness..

*censored* on 4th November.

time to lay the cards on the table

2011-04-22T13:51:00.000-07:00

The book titled "the spy wore silk" by Andrea Pickens is awesomeeeee~!

i am halfway through the book. Not going to share the book's contents here - i shall not give you people a chance to roll your eyes at my taste of books. :) Love the libraries hohohoh no need spend money for browsing + borrowing. And you can stay there for as long as you like ; nobody to bug or irritate you (err but of course, you need to leave by 9pm..)

TODAY IS GOOD FRIDAY = HOLIDAY = NO WORK = 3 CONTINUOUS DAYS OF BREAK

:) happyyyyy. okok, i know my job isn't that tedious.. Ohh. I felt like strangling kf yesterday at around 4pm, and at 6pm or so, i felt like killing her. LOL. i am taking over her job (data entry), continuing from where she had left behind. I have finished keying in the remaining records on wednesday and am checking / reviewing her past work. to my horror, her mistakes are.. -.- horrendously a lot. She didn't key in quite a number of records (missed out), and kept typing in wrong numbers. For instance, "181" she typed "151" ; the donor donated "$100.50", and she keyed in "$0.50" ; not to mention spelling errors in the companies' names..

eeyer i was kind of stressed out. i am supposed to check randomly, pick and choose a few records to check randomly yet i already spotted mistakes. :( i can't possibly check everything right, how how how how.

Shall force kf to treat me someday. :D i can imagine her giving an outraged "oh!" (heheh i think i'm such an ungrateful creature; people recommend me jobs yet i'm here whining away).

lalalala~ i'm in gooddddd mood. idk what to talk about nau. hmmmmmmm need to deal with my plan for tomorrow - too many people to catch up / meet up with. Miss them! And if mum's in a good mood later, i may blog a second post :) Off to continue with "the spy wore silk" <3

I have never been one for guys who are prettier than me

2011-04-17T17:06:00.000-07:00

/edited

Currently, i am trying to "enlighten" kayyan wrt her facebook status : "Jealousy is when you realize someone has something you want and if you work real hard you can get it. Envy is when you realize someone has something you can never have no matter how hard you try."

At first glance, i thought she was referring to grades / aesthetic / or whatever academic aspects. ohhh well, this woman was actually applying this "jealousy & envy" theory to her RELATIONSHIP. =/ for a moment i feel like hitting her gahgahgah. To tell the truth, if the above really define "jealousy" and "envy" universally; I declare that i have never ever been jealous / envious of anyone before. hmmm so what exactly define "jealousy" and "envy"? or is it that i really love myself too much or am i just too blind to look at other people..

uhhh well. It's Sunday again. A few hours later i would be suffering from Sunday Nights Blues, and 24 hours later, Monday Blues. lololol. Friday nights are the best, agree?

Speaking of fridays, 2 days ago (which is friday), i finally met kiafong (hq's friend whom i'm taking over her job at NCSS). To my utter amazement, she and me are of the same kind. what exactly do i mean by "of the same kind"? Similarities! (not the good ones, of course)

(1) she joined CO (Er Hu also) in secondary school, but quit after the lst year to join Choir!

(2) She was from Choir, but she can't Sing.

(3) She can play piano, but she stopped at Grade 5 Practical too (apparently, i hazard a guess that she sucks at it as well hhohohohoho)

(4) she is as crazy as i am, no wonder we can communicate so well through phone / smses though we never see each other before.

i didn't believe that i can have so much things to crap with someone on the first day i see him / her. the feeling i get when i talk to her resembles that of a.. long lost friend. LOL :)

Well, so me and huiqing met her at West Mall (omg that was actually hq's initial visit to bukit batok), and kf was rambling to us about the people at some banking / whatever department. Girls : height 165cm, weight 38kg. OMGG somehow i'm picturing bamboos and sticks in my mind. my height didn't even hit 160cm yet i'm 38kg already. I wouldn't dare to say that i need to go on a diet or whatsoever; my friends wouldn't hesitate to strangle me when they hear that lol.

/deleted her descriptions on model-like guys. LOL in short, she has the fortune of admiring new .. good-looking scenery? (the most WOW one was sitting next to her in the office somemore)

Nonetheless, the way she descibes them is damn hilarious hahah. She is a realistic person like myself, and look at the title of this blog post ----- *scroll page up*

I'm not an advocate of make-up, and i'm a lazy person by nature. I admit i may not act like a girl at times, but i'm not that Boylish, if you notice carefully. I have been trying to be more conscious of my appearance / clothings / looks lately ; but i can't keep to it D: at times i am just too lazy to put on contact lenses, wear dresses, wear heels.. (seriously, given my height, i need to learn how to walk in heels, but but but but it's just tough D:). Many girls are willing to wake up earlier to put on make up, choose their clothes, do their hair.. but to me, nothing is more precious than my sleep(s)! don't you find make-up all these terribly troublesome? wake up earlier to get ready, then when you reach home still need to undo / wipe them off.. can't sleep once you reach home!

i've given up on painting fingernails, and i'm not planning to learn how to put on make-up. Heels wise, i'm still trying half-heartedly. ahh well, i'm a feminist, and i certainly am not born to impress guys. (wrt this, my mother can be downright irritating at times, wanting me to dress nice nice blabla). Pisceans are often thought to be imaginative, dreamy.. I am imaginative at times (i often dream of being the top scholar), but i am realistic (relationships, especially). Those PERFECT (purrrrrfecct) good-looking / with excellent traits guys are just not for me. Not made for me, not meant for me. and i'm not made for them either.

Ever the pragmatist. hohohoh

And note: Don't set too high expectations. As in, don't insist that your lover must possess what traits what personality what looks. You'd never imagine how the person you really fall for looks like, or how weird / imperfect he/she can be. -.- trust me!

SEE HOW BORING MY LIFE CAN GET WITHOUT SCANDALS

2011-04-11T22:15:00.000-07:00

3rd day of work today. hmmm people are nice, so no much rambles / complaints / grumbles with regard to my job..

Haven't received a single acceptance letter from any of the universities yet. My parents are more anxious than i'm.. (not like i'm not worried, but there's no point thinking about it since i already know that i would be the last 10 percentile or whatever you call that..). I'm fully prepared for a long killing wait, and would continue waiting. (ps, what else can i do other than to wait? Call them up? knock on the universities' doors and ask "hello hello! where's my letters!"?) Seriously. Why why why do people keep wanting me to show them how nervous I'm?

I would love you so much, Mr Postman, if only you can be more efficient
(i understand it's no fault of the postman that my letters aren't here yet or whatsoever, i'm just rubbish-ing lol)

Gahh actually idk what to blog about, but i just feel like writing a long post. Ohh well, Liing suggested attempting a daily Livejournal question, which for today is "If you say sorry, who will you say it to and why". I'm supposed to post my answers in a blogpost titled "Sorry is hard to say". UHHHHH but i'm not going to title this post as "Sorry is hard to say", that's so.. not classy LOL. I prefer my "SEE HOW BORING MY LIFE CAN GET WITHOUT SCANDALS", sounds interesting and not that emotional. I am not prepared to write an emo post today though. Sooooo, let's hope i wouldn't go out of point.

I don't think i should dedicate this post to my parents. Why? I have been saying plenty of Sorry(S) to my parents since young, ranging from failing my exams to being unreasonably rebellious at times.. And saying sorry to them isn't hard at all since it's a MUST ; and I always say sorry even when i think i did nothing wrong, but i know that's what they'd want to hear. I'm such a.. insincere person, i realise D: but it's not too late to change for the better now i guess. However, of course. I really should apologise to my parents for my failures ; i know that they spend much effort and money on me but in the end, i succeed in neither aspects. I am sorry. I would try again, harder. (/to apologise to parents is the least i can do ; i can't amend / undo the hurt i have inflicted on them.)

Not like apologising can reverse the time, in the case of other people. And i'm obviously not going to tell you who exactly i really ought to say sorry to (other than parents). WHY? As quoted, Sorry is hard to say. I would list out why i should be sorry, but i am not going to address anyone. (don't want to defeat the purpose / meaning of the idiom "Sorry is hard to say")

Sorry for my pragmatism
Sorry for all the confusion
Sorry for my unintended insensitive words / actions
Sorry for not listening to you
Sorry for my choices back then
Sorry for the assumptions
Sorry for being a disappointment
Sorry for the indifference.

.
..
...
....
.....
......
.....
....
...
..
.

D: why do i have a feeling that i'm actually listing out my flaws and apologising to myself for them? uhh this "Sorry" thing is making my head spin. Let's switch channel?

doublethinking : "life is boring without scandals, no?" @kuro_wanko
kuro_wanko : "=w= life without slacking is worse." @doublethinking
doublethinking : "AGREED. Man, why does EVERYTHING you say actually makes sense" @kuro_wanko

Obstinate? That's me :)

2011-04-07T22:13:00.000-07:00

I received this through email, from WeiLing.

=/ to tell the truth, i really still don't know what she is trying to convey. Perhaps she can tell me tomorrow ; we are going Jurong Point after work.

ohhh and i want to meet up with 3509 people as well. hopefully next week :)

Circumstances alter cases

2011-04-07T22:01:00.000-07:00

I was complaining to WeiLing that i want to blog about something interesting and ROLF, this is what her most recent post looks like : (i copied and pasted the below from her blog post)

"If you arrived at your front door and saw your first love standing there, what would you do or say?"

Submitted By susanreiny21
View 660 Answers

YUNYING, answer this question in your next post. :D
Tags: writer's block

-.- WHAT KIND OF QUESTION IS THAT? how am i supposed to answer that.. okok i shall have many answers then, just for the sake of entertaining her heheheh :

"ohhh Mr Salesman, sorry but we have ice cream / Yakult at home already.." *apologetic smile*

"wooahh hello, my sister is not home yet yo." *winks at him* (not like he would even remember how my sister looks like, perhaps only remember her fiesty temper..)

"Mr Postman! Is there a letter for me?"

Well this is stupid. i really don't know what i would do if i really see him there. Most probably i would just stare at him for a while then remain frozen. Better still, i may ignore him, treating him like an invisible as i enter my house. Aiya, obviously, my reactions would depend on his words and actions when he sees me~!

So, this question "If you arrived at your front door and saw your first love standing there, what would you do or say?" is considerably flawed. As an analytical student (lit/econs/hist), i suggest that there be a preamble or something, a longer description of him..

And why should i think of such things which would never happen huh. Okok, back to my real life. Today's 1st day of work at NCSS. the people in my department are pretty nice :) hopefully my life at NCSS from 7 April to 31 May would be a memorable one. ehh but the job is boring and seemingly never-ending, i must say. But not very stressful. I'm feeling fortunate hohohoh.

Speaking of which. I hate hate hate taking MRT from CCK to Jurong, and then from Jurong to Buona Vista. Bet all Singaporeans know the reason why. Or rather, everyone who lives in Singapore would understand lol.

idk what else to say already. WeiLing, try to pose me a better (ok, easier) question next time. And you haven't answered that question yourself lol :) And ANG. NO, I AM NOT GETTING INTO ANY SCANDALS, i promise, at least nothing would happen this month. lol

别再问我哪一天才能学会

2011-04-06T14:54:00.000-07:00

/edited

I struggled to keep it alive.

I really tried. But it still dies. And not in a way i want it to. There's nothing i can do. I TRIED! and am still trying. But if it is really dead, what's the point.

I like challenges, but not this kind. I don't like it when my efforts are not appreciated / reciprocated.

Did i make a wrong choice? is my decision wrong? I wish someone can tell me. No, to be more precise, i need someone to tell me i did the right thing.

I don't want to damage my pride any further than this. I don't want to give up either.

每段故事都有属于它的收尾
它偶尔可以提醒我自己不能退

hmm ok next step. seems like kite-flying is out. *strike off kite-flying* since it is considered siiann
~~I WANT TO FLY KITES~!~~
but i still want to fly kites howhow :(

Historical Stories

2011-04-06T14:12:00.000-07:00

I've found a new job! Tomorrow. Doing some Admin stuff at NCSS. First day of work (2nd job) tomorrow. Kind of nervous ; hopefully the people there are as nice as many have assured me of :)

many things are.. running through my mind currently. i don't know how to phrase it / put them into words though. Ehhhh, both good and bad things. I am not an emo person by nature okayy! (:

the moment of sanity, with elements of insanity. i'm going to be bold and daring this time, but i need someone to tell me if i've gone too far or something. I want an acknowledged beginning, with an ultimate end. I need cooperation and advice (from chosen ones), and most of all i need to understand. Sources are required. But from where?

Sighhhhs, tomorrow onwards my life would be busier. Loads of things to deal with (which are still left undealt with). Job, Uni stuff, family stuff.. and not to mention omggggg my BTT is on 29 April. I am more fearful for Driving Practical though. And my library books.. haven't finished reaading D:

Anyway these two days are .. the initial time in my 19 years that i actually told my mother stories and updated her about my social life / school / friendship / work. i'm kind of touched she is genuinely interested (like finally) in listening about my social life. She was never such a good listener. We don't talk much, other than studies-related or results stuff. She was never interested in my other aspects of life, other than studies / results. Strange enough, she asked me about my relationships / friendships recently and all the past stuff. So i ended up telling her events / things that i remember, ranging from how i become friends with kayyan to people i know in AJ.. Basically, a summary of the people i know from secondary 1 to JC 2.

=/ and she is more interested in the guys i know though. I can tell that she is really worried i'm suffering from unnatural passions (thankyou, yw and ang). Shall get all my girlfriends to wear dresses and put down their hair (look more feminine) the next time they pop by my place just to reassure her i am normal ("am", not "was" ; note the tense). Also, Mum frowns upon the fact that i'm hanging around too much with guys who are already attached / just friends / certainly not meant to be with. uhh well. Even my mother thinks i'm scandalous (or rather trying to seem scandalous to cover up my unnatural passions LoL), i would change.

I'm tired of explaining that i'm not involved with who and who and who and who, and i certainly don't want SOMEONE to misunderstand that. hohohoho. I have decided (yesterday) to be a changed person! I shall be selective from now onwards :) No more anyhow crapping / talking / going out with all / any of the guys I know. No more unnecessary scandals (not like they would affect me in the first place since i'm used to it..). Eeyer, this is tough. I treat all my guyfriends like my girlfriends, how am i supposed to change my attitudes towards them so suddenly.. But still, i would try. And try to talk more to the one whom i maybe genuinely interested in? LOL this isn't easy. Well, so whoever (i didn't talk much to before) finds me talking to you more often recently, you know who you are - beware~! (i highly doubt you are reading this though)

Aye, and i'm soooo sorry to disappoint Ang. Sorry dear, you may not ever have the opportunity to point at the headlines (with my awesome photo in it) to your friends and exclaim excitedly :

"OMG LOOK AT THAT PHOTO!

THAT'S MY SCANDALOUS FRIEND WHO IS MURDERED BY HER FRIEND'S EX~!"

the voice in my head is thick with those emotions that i did not acknowledge

2011-04-04T13:53:00.000-07:00

Frost & Sullivan Pte Ltd (a pleasant lady by the name Jasmine) called me a while ago ; hopefully she would call me back before 2.30pm so that i can ask if i'm able to rush down for the interview with Winnie WeiLing (who preferred to be known as eurika euriko or something - i forgot the name). Sighhs, i seem to be addicted to slacking already :( don't feel like starting work so soon..

Was reading Katie Macalister books again last night, and came across a very very very .. meaningful (or how shall i put it) errr somewhat familiar sentence, which sets me THINKING again D:

"How can you have such faith in me when you have none in yourself?"

Quite a rhetorical question, it seems to me. This question would make me flich if posed to me lol, as i have absolutely no idea how to answer it.

i shall presume that in this case, "faith" and "confidence" mean the same thing. hmmm i wonder why i always possess the impression that someone else can definitely do it, but i doubt my own capability. For instance, if someone told me that he / she confirm plus chop going to fail Amaths / geog / literature / GP or whatever, i would reply something along the line of "you would pass one" and actually mean it. Ironically, i can't give myself a definite answer whether i can make it anot. I believe in other(s) more than i believe in myself?

// Sidetrack a bit, i (currently) accidentally bounced upon kayyan's bf blog. =/ YES, accidentally. i was trying to find someone else's blog, yet i found his. omggg i wonder why couples like to dedicate public blog posts to one another, when they know their friends would be reading them.. kind of sweet, but.. eeyer i can't help chuckling at this "STAY CUTE STAY SWEET AND STAY IN MY HEART" ehh ok la, i admit it serves as an entertainment for me while reading their blogs, but too much honey would attract bees you know~! bees buzzz and you end up wondering why there are so much unfounded interesting news (in blunt terms, gossips / rumours) spreading about, straining people's relationships.. ahh, thus my suggestion? create another blog, a private locked blog where only the couple knows the password. :)

okayy, not my problem anyway, shall not be so overly concerned about my good-but-sets-me-as-lowest-priority-friend's well-being. I (and shall force liing too to) SWEAR THAT I (we) would not talk to her for 2 weeks if she last minute cancels this saturday date. hohohoh

alright, back to the faith topic ; where was i? uhhh i told Ang about that sentence, and her reply was simply two words "MY PARENTS!" rofl. As for me, idk the percentage of confidence my parents have in me.

anyways. the weather is killing. =/

Nothing broken, just your pride damaged.

2011-04-02T16:37:00.000-07:00

STILL FINDING MY 2ND JOB! Curious about what i have been doing these days, other than finding jobs / slacking?

(1) Reading!
that includes Scandalous books, of course heheheh. btw, Books by Katie Macalister are awesome~! I want to read books by Nicholas Sparks too. hmm currently i'm searching the libraries for "My name is Memory" ; "the Devil in Winter" ; "a Walk to Remember"... and some others. My loan quota has been reached, sad to say, and my family members aren't nice enough to lend me their cards =.= i heard it's possible to read online.. shall contact WeiLing later.

ohh and reading up on French too. Was thinking of going for French lessons (on a random note, many people are signing up for Korean lessons lol ranging from the language to dance *i want to roll my eyes and say "so troll" but shall swallow back my words since i can sense my bffs shooting daggers at me*) .. well, money is indeed a problem $.$ i shall just borrow from library and take down some notes. Not like i'm serious about getting married in France rofl, but maybe my friends are serious about getting married in Korea~!

(2) Practising the piano

I KNOW YOU MOST PROBABLY WOULDN'T BELIEVE IT, but i have really really really tried touching my piano everyday (almost, i mean) and.. well, re-playing some old songs for the first time in so many years -.- it's the most convenient / ideal method of chasing my family members out of the house. they would plead for mercy whenever i start playing. To tell the truth, i don't think my piano is that bad but sometimes their hyperbolic reactions really make me doubt my skills. *shrugs*

(3) Looking for / Signing up for Dance Lessons.
I want to learn dance~! but couldn't decide on what kind of dance to learn. I'm certainly not into kpop / korean dances (no way man, those dance steps seem superficious to me somehow, no offence to devoted kpop fans); i want to learn something that tends more towards the "classical" category. However, ballet is too tough lol. Latin and ballroom dancing require males, and being someone with feminist pride, i want to be independent and dance as and when i like, without any egoistic creatures to assume i need them badly for practices.. lol.

LAST BUT NOT LEAST

(4) Happily downloading songs from YouTube using Youtube downloader heheh
Like now~

Norwegian Woods

2011-04-01T22:38:00.000-07:00

让我将你心儿摘下
试著将它慢慢溶化
看我在你心中是否仍完美无瑕

是否依然为我丝丝牵挂
依然爱我无法自拔
心中是否有我未曾到过的地方啊

那里湖面总是澄清
那里空气充满宁静
雪白明月照在大地
藏著你不愿提起的回忆

你说真心总是可以从头
真爱总是可以长久
为何你的眼神还有孤独时的落寞

是否我只是你一种寄托
填满你感情的缺口
心中那片森林何时能让我停留

或许我
不该问
让你平静的心再起涟漪
只是爱你的心超出了界线
我想拥有你所有一切

应该是
我不该问
不该让你再将往事重提

只是心中枷锁
该如何才能解脱

ROFL sorry, but i simply love oldies~!

in the process of FINDING A MEANINGFUL JOB

2011-04-01T13:07:00.000-07:00

OMGGGGG currently, there is this programme on TV.. about women in India. In short, about gender discrimination in India. Damnnnnnn many women are tortured / beaten and finally burnt to death by their husbands because of the dowry (the males are not satisfied with their wives' families' financial capabilities). the husbands remarry again, to richer women. TO MAKE MY BLOOD BOIL EVEN MORE, those husbands are not hanged or whatever capital punishment there are available (yes, the world / police / everyone knows who the murderer is) , HEYY WHAT ARE THE POLICE / LAW FOR? no death sentence? not even.. how about giving him a taste of a few pathetic strokes of the cane? NOTHING?

I was still rambling and cursing at the start of the programme after learning the fact that the women are forced to marry some disgusting old men and when the men die, they can't remarry again and are sent off to some widows' club / homes or something, as though they did something wrong and need to be jailed up. BUT NOW, these women's plights are better than those who got burnt and killed after a few months of marriage because they are not as rich. Surely before marriage, the husbands already know their financial status? or do those egoistic yet useless males who survive by feeding on their wives' families thought that they can at least suck out some blood from their wives' relatives?

Sickening. What a way to die.

"Not without me"

2011-03-29T17:34:00.000-07:00

my paternal loves! finally managed to get all the darlings together, and a bonus too: bro hongsen is in it :) this photo was taken at some restaurant in Jurong (i was told, where my parents' wedding was held 20 years ago lol). Apparently, the woman (old aunty now) who hosted my parents' wedding is still around and we ran into her as well. OH WOW hahah

I am in an exceptionally good mood last night and today. Why? i started reading an awesome novel last night (and yays my parents were sleeping so soundly that they don't bother to check up on me / 'chase' me to sleep..) and i finished reading the entire novel an hour ago!

A good book never fail to brighten up my day. I'm not an easily-satisfied person, so you can imagine how awesome the book is hohoh. Hopefully i can find a new job which grant me the permission to have enough time to read at night (in other words, not a too hectic one, so that i can sleep late heh).

On a super random note, i want to fly kites~!

Like a chameleon, she can change her colour and then switch back again

2011-03-25T21:39:00.000-07:00

hohohoh lately, i am in the "self-reflecting" mood. And guess what. I managed to dig out some of my so-called past (sec school) diaries? Not exactly diaries. You know, those kind of notebooks that you are supposed to take down notes in them during lessons. Sometimes halfway during lessons, instead of copying notes or taking down what your teacher was saying, you were happily drawing and scribbling own craps. Then when you reached home, you tore those gibberish (or rather, the more personal ones) pages away lol and stuff them somewhere in your drawer.

Well, so i found many crumpled pieces of papers (with horrendous handwriting). Not that i'm too poor to own a good real diary (book).. I kept diaries (books) before, but i kept misplacing them / or cannot find the keys (and it's super obvious they are diaries / personal, evoking others' curiosity..). Hence sooner or later, i resort to tearing pages from notebooks lol. Simple, easy, efficient. Save money and time also. Though messy.. (but yays, nobody can tell they are actually 'diaries' - they are assumed to be school notes..)

...... Actually, i think i need to plan out / filter / reorganise my thoughts before i start blogging. I realise my posts are always lengthy, and perhaps repetitive LOL kept revolving around the same point? heyy, no wonder my GP CMI eeyer.

ERRRRRRRR.

"In the end, what people are trying to get is money. And money makes people happy.. Being happy is just as complicating as love."
- a friend by the name Goh Zheng Yang.

Out of those written junk (yes, i re-read through what i wrote) i found, the above is the only thing worth mentioning, the only thing that makes sense, and the only thing that's not overly personal (since it is merely quoted from someone). Man, this is bad. A simple few sentences like that back then was .. actually so memorable for me so much so that i took it down, and even thought through it? Uhh no, i didn't know myself and my other friends were that crappy D: and that gzy was the only one who talked sense / logics? LoL

Nonetheless, in my opinion. Love is not complicating; out of whatever he said, i only disagree with the last line. Love, by itself isn't, lol it's humans' differing mindsets which make it seem so complicating. However, the art of being happy is indeed hard to master, as there are no boundaries set for it; since people are always desiring for more and would never be satisfied.

And it's true that at the end of the day, what people are working towards = moneyy. Money, can be considered as a necessity in our society. It wouldn't kill you to have a little more of it; but it would make you depressed if you lose / lack / have a little less of it. ohhh and whoever says that "money can't buy you happiness", please please give me all your money -.- GAHHHHH

why am i talking about MONEY and HAPPY now? because i'm kind of not happy now lol since i don't have enough money :((

I WANT MONEY~! :(

idk why i never get tired

2011-03-23T12:01:00.000-07:00

Edited /

"Sometimes, dont you wish that your life is a reality show, captured?

There are times when I wish that my whole life is captured on video cam, such that I can rewind and relinquish all those happy memorable moments. I can watch the way I act and criticise myself, followed by putting in efforts to change for the better. 旁观者清 is very true. I do not have good memory due to limited space within my brains, hence I could not recall thinGs clearly, not even those extremely happy or sad moments. Most of the time, I can only recall bits and pieces of events."

Well. my 2nd post of today, with the above gotten from WeiLing's blog (who is earning easy money -.- slacking also can get money). shall just comment on it :)

i have been making futile attempts at.. trying to move on. By moving on, i mean with regard to everything, ranging from family to friends to school to results to.. well, and the list goes on.

Have not been thinking much (about everything) these days. Have not been working either (stopped in March, would find a new one in April i guess). I don't feel anything though. I just keep wanting to.. SLEEP SLEEP SLEEP. idk what's wrong with me, it's not that i'm extremely tiredddd.. trying to escape from reality? this is bad. i used to be so courageous (mentally, tho.) LOL.

Nonetheless, everyone thinks that i seem to be more at ease and happier now. Everybody believes i finally move out of the emoing-over-GP D-no A-or-whatever-stuff-that's-bothering-me state. Indeed, i feel more at ease and not so stressed-up (over trivial matters) currently.

Little Sis passed me a little written note yesterday. and this is what it says:

To: Siszy

Being Happy doesn't mean everything's perfect. It means you've decided to see beyond the imperfections.

From: LingYuan.

A simple 2 sentences (with not-so-good-looking-handwriting) sets me reflecting. So, they have known it all along. My parents, my sister, my relatives.. they know. they actually know what i've been going through since young, all these years. Even my little sister understands the feelings and thoughts of the-used-to-be-ambitious me who has failed in everything i aimed for.

they want me to be happy. Perhaps in their hearts and eyes, they have never sensed me being genuinely happy before. But at the same time, they want me to succeed in life. Can success and happiness come to a compromising state? Or would happiness come only with success as a pre-requisite? What exactly define success and happiness (or happy) anyway?

I admit, i am not an exceptionally intelligent / well behaved / artistic / whatever-traits-you-can-think-of-lol-my-brains-not-working-now. I know all my imperfections and i'm trying to change, trying too hard at times, but not always; half-heartedly at times too. However, what's life, if it's not attempting to correct all your imperfections? and no, i never was perfect, I'm not that perfect as you think i am - to people who used to look up to me. Yes, some people think that i am perfect. (my BFFs, don't laugh, i'm serious -.-)

to tell the truth, i don't think i was / am ambitious. i know nobody can be perfect, but i am far from being perfect, that's why i need to come up with new ways to upgrade, to improve. Everyone has their strengths and weaknesses, but i don't know mine. I'm slightly below average in everything i learn/do; i don't even know how to grade myself. /sighs. i keep remembering and perhaps seemingly (+ constantly) wanting to hold on to the past - because there are times where i'm at my best, better than now.

i just can't.. overcome that agony, the disappointment that things are no longer the same and that i have fallen down, hard, not on ground, but into a muddy pond. I understand the need to move on from there and to set lower expectation by aiming for a cleaner pond the next time instead; as well as the impossibility of shooting up back to the clouds immediately after picking myself up. Still, even up till now, the hopelessly obstinate me insists in trying for the sky, hoping that when i fall again, i would at least be back with some of the clouds. I badly want to face up to reality and be realistic, but i just can't help it.

Secondly. I wasn't a person with feelings. I was brought up to believe that feelings do you no good (in spite of the fact that my family members are often emotional and have fiery temper..). I was the coolest (or rather coldest) and the most indifferent among them all. I didn't give a damn about anything; i didn't see the importance of knowing more about others (family inclusive), about observing my environment, about anything. Why? Well, why should I? does it do me any good? I was (and am) extremely pragmatic.

Perhaps i wasn't like that, when i was in kindergarten. Circumstances back then forced me into hardening my heart - since i am unable to fight back / attack, the best i can do is to silently defend myself. lol, i sound as though many people have done me wrongs, except for my paternal family. hahah but a kid gets hurt easily, you know. Especially when even your parents.. disappoint you..?

Well, now thinking back, what could have my parents done, other than closing an eye? My mother wouldn't have done anything, and the current situation is evidence. Now i'm no longer silent, no longer a pushover. I don't care if ties and blood need to be split or spilled. I wouldn't care if everything falls apart; that should've been done years ago. well, wrt this, there is a temporary (yes, they are still under observation) peace now - with the pressure from (even) dad for me to give in. Again. And again. / sighs.

I am not revengeful. I would let things go (forgive and forget LOL) if you people put on your best behaviours and not cross my paths (and make me cross again). But if you not only cross, but again step on me, i wouldn't hesitate to stab you. Using a sword, a dagger, or a kitchen knife ; a gentle, a mild or a deep stab; when the time comes that's all up to my mood to decide. Crossing my paths may be inevitable for the people mentioned in this case, but stepping on me is a choice. it may have become a routine, a habit to step on me, but you'd better overcome and get over it asap. I'm sick of it. Some have changed, though, glad to know. But still, not all.

ERMMMM this post is actually meant to entertain my friends who are bored at work.. errr but idk why it turns out like this. okokok i shall stop here lol. i think hor, i went out of point. =/

Is it too late or still too early to say goodbye now

2011-03-23T10:13:00.000-07:00

A very good morning to one and all.

(sounds.. strangely familiar. lol my primary school principal used to start off his speech with the above)

Somehow, i sound zombish =/

I was still wide awake at 3am yet i managed to drag myself out of bed at 8am /applauds. for once in so many days, i'm not stuck to my awesome bed like super glue. Slacking - it has become an addiction. sleeping - it's my hobby.

(: went breakfast with Yinwei at Maccafe (WALNUT CHEESECAKE) just now, and guess what. Ran into Ang Zhi Ying who looked zombish as well (whom i was chatting with at 2am LOL). My sympathy (s) to people working today.

Packed Mac hotcakes breakfast for my sister (today JC2 CT maths afternoon paper) and mum (going vegetarian until 12pm). I hereby declare that my surname SOW somehow reflects my family members..

Well Nonetheless. ehhh and this post is especially meant for (the benefit of) my super bored friends at work. Which include, i think, Ang and Ling.

I AM AWESOME~!

End of the Superstitious period

2011-03-07T16:16:00.000-08:00

/edited

I want to apologize to everyone. Parents, relatives, teachers, friends. for my grades, for my unexplained attitudes, for everything that you think i need to apologize for. And thank you, too, for everything.

Idk why i am so popular or.. should i say, so worthy of everyone's concern. It was reported that Alevels' results would be released on 4th March 2011 2.30pm, but i only got mine back at around 3.45pm due to my register number. I rejected / ignored and off-ed my hp because calls / smses were already flooding in at 2.35pm mercilessly. Apparently, everyone thought that the principal's speech would only last 5 minutes. and more ironically, those people who called / smsed me so anxiously do not include my parents. seems like my parents do not have as much confidence in myself as others do, or is it that they have decided to stop giving me stress for once?

http://-thereasonswhy-.tumblr.com/post/2951727427

Maybe it's just my personality. I am sorry, but unwanted assurances from people who would never understand are not welcomed. It would be better to leave me alone or to remain silent than to give fake and insincere comments like :

"don't need to care about GP one, GP useless!"
"huh, okayy what, not that bad.. why are you unhappy?"
"you still have chinese A!"
"Eh i score worse than you okay! .... i still have an E! (which is h1 chinese)"

(saying that you score worse than me when your rank point is 80+? / sighs.)

okok i know i am hard to please, misunderstanding people's kind intentions.. I know people around me are just trying to help - wanting me to cheer up - letting me understand that it's not the end of the world - there is still hope - at least i still have choices - at least i can get into universities. I know my grades aren't THAT bad.. but i'm just confused. Am i supposed to feel sad or fortunate?

Afterall, i did really badly throughout my 2 years in JC.. Now thinking back. Should they have retained me back then? No, wait no, since i studied really hard for the promos retests. ... I mean, i had always been one of the "bottom / borderline" students in these 2 years? So this Alevels certificate. ought to be celebrated?

I just didn't work as hard enough. I wasn't focused. I was never a genius, i had been struggling.

I hate this kind of feeling. Am refraining myself from going facebook. Why am i always one of the minority? Not in a good way, i mean.

GP D. like seriously - WHAT THE FUCK. As for the rest, not a single fucking A.
YA I AM USING VULGARITIES HERE FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY BLOG

And don't you dare to keep claiming that Chinese A puts me at a great great great advantage and that Chinese is soooooo useful and important. ha, as though it would help you a lot by adding 10 marks to your overall. We all know that in spite of our government soooo strongly advocating our Mother Tongue language, our education system doesn't really substantiate this. Evidence supporting my point? Chinese A = "ohh okayy, so what?", GP A = "Law course blabla". GP fails = "GG". Chinese fails? "Nevermind, it's just Chineseeeeeee."

And yes, grumbling and whining and rambling again. I am not a Saint okayy, afterall i'm just a student like any others, score well = enjoyment and happiness, score badly = irritation and the mentality of "why is this happening to me? what happen?" I'm just acting normal, for once. For the first time, i am not trying to sound mature / acting strong / trying to be optimistic which i actually never was.

I admit that my gp isn't good. I admit my English Language is not good. but but but whyyyyyyy! :( I mean afterall, for prelims, i was slightly above average for GP (according to my prelims report card). I had been the last few in my class for GP all along, but at least there are many other students in other classes worse than me.

Frankly, i expected a B or a C for GP. i even thought that i have confirmed gotten a B when the principal was reviewing the percentage stuff.. over-confidence? yayaya whatever but i have confidence in myself. i did the papers, i know my standard, i know my improvement, i know my peers' (both science and arts) standards. Never expected myself to be in the minority; no, not for GP.

It's like Olevels all over again. B4 for English Language, B3 for Higher Chinese, when i did my best and expected at least an A2 for both. So.. shocking. My estimations are really unreliable. I can't trust myself anymore.

H2 English Literature. B.
we were saying that if Literature no A means nothing can get A already. How true, for me. We didn't do as well as our seniors. It was a great blow, i believe, for both students and teachers. Lit teachers must have been quite sad and disappointed. I like my lit teachers a lot a lot.. Lit is the only lesson which i can remain attentive throughout even until the end of the lesson.. haiis. i just can't be as good as some others no matter how attentive i am.

H1 History. B.
idk if my history teachers are proud of me for not failing lol. But somehow, i'm glad that i've gotten a B. I saw on the screen that 3 people had gotten a C, and that the lowest was a C; i was damn relieved, thinking that confirm plus chop i was one of the Cs. LOL, not that i look down on myself, but i had been the last one / second last for H1 history since J1. Thanks to my history teachers' efforts (all the tutorials / consultations and constant encouragement and boosting of confidence), i tried and tried, struggling not to give up even till minutes before the paper - the period / break between Alevels H2 maths paper 1 (duration: 3hours) and History paper 1 (4 essays 3 hours). We were breaking down and on the verge of giving up. 6 hours of Alevels papers within a day, and both my most-feared subjects - which i never fail to be below average since J1.

It was a torture. The day / night before the papers, the day of the papers. I really really wanted to cry; the stress was unbearable. Yet i know i was not alone, but again, i felt so lost and lonely. I mean for both maths and history, at least my friends could sort of choose to focus more on one (since they are better in one), but i had been getting U for both all along.. i couldn't even choose. Somemore, my maths was an H2 and was the morning paper.. focusing more on maths would be a wiser choice, no? Luckily, i have history teachers who believe in me (though failing so pathetically for 2 years) even till seconds before i entered the exam room. Miss Carolyn Ng managed to calm me down and told me that the paper was do-able and would be something i am okayy with as long as i entered the room with a clear mind. I am satisfied with a B (: i hope i did not disappoint my history teachers and i have proven to myself that i can pass International History for once lol!

H2 Mathematics H2 Economics. B.
I think i can do better for both. If only i had studied harder in JC1, and not in the last few months of JC2. If only. Nonetheless, i am grateful to my teachers.. And i think they are satisfied with my B? as in, given that i was quite weak in both all along..?

As shown, in summary, i ought to feel satisfied, no? Overall, there seems to be improvement.. But why am i not happy, and in fact far from being happy? So contradictory.

On a lighter note, my ah gong asked my gu gu to help him buy cheesecake from Royal for me (because i can go university lol). idk how he knows i like cheesecake.. ehh perhaps i mentioned it randomly before. I was still feeling depressed and at a loss, but this simple gesture of his makes me :) for the first time since the release. Even though he wasn't the one who went to choose the cheesecake personally, even though he never talked to me that often.. Actually it's a good thing that people still possess the traditional thinking, no? the thinking that "can go university good enough already". Though i am unable to lie to myself by agreeing to my ah gong's view.

I know that my parents and younger sister are disappointed though they never explicitly express it out. this is perhaps the very first time they lose so much face because of me. Mum is still trying to "mitigate" the pain and embarrassment by replying to those bunch of people : "okayy la, still okayy. but only have 1 A which is Chinese, the rest B..". LOL, normally people don't even mention Chinese, which i took in 2009, seems that she is trying to not make my grades sound as pathetic by bringing up an A.

It fucking hurts when superficious aunties / uncles kept calling and showing off how well their Science kids have done, or how well their nephews / nieces / neighbours have done. No, it doesn't hurt me that much when they comment. It hurts me to hear / see / know what my parents and little sis need to reply them. Those weird bunch of kind-hearted but nosy people. idk if they are pitying me (which thankyou, but i have no need for such sympathy) or finally feel satisfied with their children's grades. to tell the truth, i never expect myself to lose to their kids (most whom i don't even know who the hell they are).

Even more Surprisingly, my parents never reprimand me or do whatever / something like what they did usually (PSLE, Olevels). I am really grateful to my godparents and godsister for helping me since the retests and throughout.. and now, where i am at a loss wrt to all those courses stuff. Paternal relatives are as encouraging and sincere like always; and are still considerably proud of me for some unmentionable reasons. No matter how badly i score or what wrongs i've done, their love and impression of me never change [see, the advantage of being the eldest grandchild (:]. As for maternal. Idk if they mean what they say, and i don't want to know.

http://madamherp.tumblr.com/post/3428950736/oh-how-true-this-is-this-is-exactly-how-i-feel

idk. but somehow i feel that my grades.. it doesn't belong to me solely. it seems like this certificate is shared among my loved ones and that i have let them down.

this post is filled with grammatical errors or whatever english language errors that you have spotted. I am not bothering to correct anything to make it perfect. Afterall, i am such a failure at GP and mistakes should be pardonable and considered normal.

Changes.

2011-03-04T01:27:00.000-08:00

Another sleepless night. hmm, not like i can sleep on every other night. It's 12:28 am now. 2.30pm seems.. so near. It's March now already, or rather, 4th March.

I KNOW THERE'S NO POINT THINKING ABOUT IT, but i just can't stop thinking about it. I understand that i'm not the only one freaking out and getting nervous / anxious / excited, b-but i still think that i'm the MOST nervous, most anxious, and perhaps the only sleepless student out there. Ahh well afterall, everyone thinks their own situation most tragic, and i'm no exception. I have been worrying about the results since weeks ago almost every night (i'm not kidding you).

It seems that after 2.30pm, everything would change. Whatever the outcome is, nothing can be changed / done to it. the feeling is.. idk. Not being in control of my own life.. i've realised and finally bowed my head to the fact that for results, luck is an essential component. Essays, especially.

I'm terribly fearful. I always have that sensation that i never put in my very best, regardless of what i do. I always put in efforts, but often not the very very best, perhaps the best only. okayy rambling again. Perhaps i'm a person constantly living in self-denials. Maybe i want to convince / remind myself that i didn't try hard enough, so whenever i didn't meet my own / others' expectations, i would have the excuse to tell myself that : "it's not that i can't do it, it's just that i never try my best; so next time just focus and work harder.."

PATHETIC. and it's 1:19am now, see how long i've been staring at this blogger page thinking and thinking about tomorrow, reflecting on my past from Primary 4 Streaming to PSLE to Olevels to..

and i'm distracting myself now. Using the most convenient method, as usual.

on a random note, i suck at painting fingernails.

Getting married in FRANCE rofl

2011-02-18T22:29:00.000-08:00

BONJOUR! (:

This was supposed to be a super lengthy post (since it's friday..). hmmm however, i feel lazy. Moreover, tomorrow i am registering for driving lessons plus doing some exercises (running / jogging / walking / strolling / or whatever you think i may be doing). Perhaps should turn in earlier tonight?

heyy wait a minute, i need to finish flipping through the book on French words first. :)

On a random note, Jz daddy just smsed me not long ago. He survived 2 weeks of Army life! (:

And Wong Kay Yan finally called me tonight, after so many months of "i would call you tonight.."

the great day is approaching.

Where to start

2011-02-16T19:15:00.000-08:00

Wanted to blog, but well.. Shall do some reading instead.

BLACK SWAN. YOU ARE A MUST-WATCH.

I'm coming soon~ :)

Valentine

2011-02-14T20:43:00.000-08:00

http://s3.amazonaws.com/data.tumblr.com/tumblr_lfr0d9w0r51qdg8qeo1_1280.jpg?AWSAccessKeyId=0RYTHV9YYQ4W5Q3HQMG2&Expires=1297772751&Signature=LCU4/Rk7rMq6emLrY/yHghVd6R8%3D

I think "the Tourist" was nice. What's with the low ratings T.T

IDK why so many people are soo excited (both in a good way and bad way) about TODAY, both attached and non-attached. I mean.. for the attached, i can still understand, but then again.. i don't think they should be happy about being exploited? okayy i'm not attached, so i may not understand.

As for the non-attached. It's kind of funny when one gets overly-excited or sort of emo. -.- I mean, what's wrong about being single at the age of 18 or 19? D: true, you MAY feel so-called lonely but pardon me, don't you still have friends who are single accompanying you?

Hmm okok shall stop being so critical over everything. For me, it's just another boring day.. Going home straight after work.. Lazy to go down to Bishan or Orchard or wherever with the rest. ohh and since today is supposedly sooo special, i shall do something special too~

I SHALL SLEEP EARLIER TONIGHT :)

[omgg. unique ttm, agree?! ;D]

My throat is suffering from a mild irritation today D: hence when i passed by the Herbal shop at CCK, i conveniently went in to buy a bottle of Honey Lemon. Seriously. is there anything wrong with buying a bottle of Honey Lemon on Valentine's Day?! I know Honey Lemon drink is sweet! But it can act as a remedy for sore throats as well, no? Not that i lack sweetness in my lifeeeee..

LOL forget it. Anyway here comes my errr "Official List of Lovers".

1) Very First Valentine: Hazel Heng

2) Was in a relationship with: Wong Kay Yan

3) Was engaged to: Joyce Yeo

4) Ex-wife: Sarah Seo

NOW (Currently)

5) in an open relationship with: HuiQing Yeo

6) current husband: Koh Wan Ting

LAME.

I want to crap more, but idk what to talk about. I mean, other than rambling and whining, idk what stuff to talk about lol. Shall post some lyrics and pictures from my tumblr?

http://kissmywhiskers.tumblr.com/post/2599049859

Ohh ya, and since my current lover is HuiQing, i shall post a few lines (lyrics) of what we love the most, especially back in BP.

能不能给我一首歌的时间 紧紧的把那拥抱变成永远
在我的怀里你不用害怕失眠

如果你想忘记我也能失忆

能不能给我一首歌的时间
把故事听到最后才说再见.

LOL the title of the song is in red

刮风这天我试过握着你手
但偏偏雨渐渐
大到我看你不见 ..

从前从前有个人爱你很久
但偏偏风渐渐把距离吹得好远
好不容易又能再多爱一天
但故事的最后你好像还是说了

拜拜.

...

....

.....

......

.....

....

...

Gahhh there are more! but little sis is bugging me for comp.. Since today's suchhhhh an important day for her, i shall just give in to her tonight?

LAST BUT NOT LEAST, our most FAVOURITED line:

而我已经分不清你是友情, 还是错过的爱情.

A black hole? Not really.

2011-02-12T15:27:00.000-08:00

Wanted to blog last night, but.. unable to be clear-minded then :O

Suffering from swollen and single eyelids now..

Firstly, i want to apologize to the following people: Wling (for pangseh-ing her - this morning exercise and noon shopping) ; Momo + Melv + Ang (for depriving them of sleep last night) ; XM (for my extremely late reply) ; Sups and Cher (for not going today's movie as promised).

Went dinner with Cher and Ang last night at PastaMania (Lot One, of course). btw, please don't eat the baked rice at Pastamania! The taste is weird; as in relatively. Swenson's one has always been the best~! :) I was, for once i actually was in a pretty pretty good mood for the entire of yesterday. Work yesterday was okayy (as in.. i wasn't being sensitive), and the fact that i often get to meet up with Cher and Ang (two awesome story-tellers + jokers) on every friday cheers me up even more.

But. My yesterday's awesome mood ultimately didn't last the entire night.

Not after going up there, and things got worse when i reached home.

Let's start off with the less trivial stuff: about going up there first. I don't think anyone sense my uneasiness and genuine shock then.

I didn't, and certainly never meant to sound so pathetic. I really really don't want to admit it, but i've decided to be honest to myself and everyone for once. I wanted so badly to disappear, but no, i think detaching myself is a wiser decision. Detachment is neither kind nor unkind, but useful. Guess the least it can do is to mask my suffocation? I'm not very attached to it in the first place anyway, perhaps "detachment" isn't the most suitable word to use here.

My pride, my ego.. I really can't take it lying down. I know i must freed myself from those overwhelming, misleading memories (which i can't even remember if there is really anything). As quoted, memories are by their nature fragmented, isolated, and arbitrary as glimpses one has at night through lighted windows. I know. I finally realize that i've been deceiving myself and everyone. I know I can fool everyone but no matter how hard i try (SERIOUSLY, damnn pathetic), i am unable to fool myself. Don't ask me, idk how my brains / heart / mind / eyes / ears work either. And don't ask me why this is happening now instead of so many years back then. Because i also don't know.

I've made the efforts; no matter how half-hearted those attempts were, i've tried. Perhaps those attempts.. as well as some unintended little actions have been misunderstood or remained unnoticed. We are so oblivious afterall. Circumstances alter cases. My contradictory personality just makes things more complex than they already are. I'm tired of my coming and going, trying and holding back.

I used to believe that the probability of running into you / interacting with you is negative, now that we finally have nothing in common, and no interaction is required at all this time. We aren't close in the first place anyway. Our friendship (or does it even exist) seems so superficial and fragile. Frankly, i can't recall much though.

Irritation. things pop up at the time you least expect it. or better still, when you think they have finally gone away / resolved, their sudden appearances return to haunt you.

Nonetheless, you have been my best distraction all along; successfully distracting me from other bugging issues. But that didn't work for last night. Yes, i admit that your existence somehow affects me, but it actually doesn't affect me that much, not when i have more troubling issues. Ultimately, yours is an extremely insignificant one, in comparison.

Next, I shall not rattle on and on about what i'm most troubled over - household / work / results issues here. It doesn't help; like Momo had said, i need to find solutions by myself, other people can only lend a listening ear and can do nothing else. Rambling and mourning are weak acts, i know. however.. i just feel like whining now lol. Sooo.. Just let me whine? --

Have you ever experience that kind of.. like there are many things bothering you, yet you don't know how to express them out? You badly need someone to listen, but you just can't find the words and don't know how to explain them to people explicitly. In the end, what comes out of your lips are just some mild, trivial stuff which you know aren't really the ones that are troubling you the most.

Wling suggested trying to sleep and forget. But.. yes, something unresolved, you dump them aside and feel better at that point of time, but in the future when some other things crop up, all the past come flooding back at you again mercilessly. Moreover, the art of forgetting is exceptionally hard to master; i have absolutely no confidence in myself becoming an expert in that field.

I am told to courageously pursue what i want, fight for my rights, my beliefs.. and to know what i am living for. I have constantly been reminded by my friends that i should live for myself and fight for what i really want.

Omgg, forgive me for sounding so pathetic again, but

I seriously don't know what i want. I only know what i don't want. I only know what others want.

(lol, sound like i'm on some tongue-twisting programme "know" "want"; sorry for having such limited vocabulary but it's okayy since GP paper was over a long time ago..)

My desires and goals have been shaped and influenced by my environment and circumstances. Everything has been tainted, i don't know what's original. However, the only thing which i am certain of is that, i strongly dislike the past meek, easily intimidated and fainthearted me. And i see the need to keep the part of me which is seemingly indifferent..

In addition. to tell the truth, Idk if i truly want to stop living up to people's expectations. Idk if i want to live the life of the real me which is totally uncontaminated by society and surroundings. I'm afraid to be out-casted for not conforming to societal expectations (omgg I miss Literature).

Gahh.

May the genuine black hole devour me whole now, once and for all. =/

沙滩

2011-02-11T13:46:00.000-08:00

我轻轻抖落鞋里的沙看着我的脚印
一个人一步步好寂寞

看海有些绿天有些蓝
那段爱情有些遗憾

向不知不觉游向海天
到最深的地方才发现

你早已经放弃我

我听着海浪温柔的呼吸
我看着云朵飘来飘去

有什么方法让自己真的忘记

Was reading a random (very) someone's blog and came across this song.

ohh well.

No rabbits for you~!

2011-02-09T21:03:00.000-08:00

/edited.

I WANTED TO POST SOMETHING UNPLEASANT BUT BUT BUT

I'm not going to.

As in, not now. LOL maybe later, as this post develops.. :)

Bunnies are awesome, you know you love them~! For those rabbits-haters, beware. Rabbit year, okayy. If you try accepting and loving them, they may change their minds about you too, may be kind enough to spare you some luck for *alevels results* heh.

I have adorable cousins (by that, of course i don't mean ALL, but most).

My youngest cousin from my paternal side is the trollest (like father, like daughter). Only 2 years old, yet very very intelligent (excellent retorting skills). But well, all kids from my family are intelligent, that's a irrefutable fact!

That day I "borrowed" her new soft toy bunny from her. And she cried. -.- And i NEED to apologize to her DD: as though i'm a big bully. I dislike to soothe / comfort kids actually; as the eldest, i'm used to acting fierce and hostile. However, ever since i got into secondary school, i've learnt to act kinder and sisterly.. Anyway a while after she got that rabbit back, she glared at me and this was what she said: "My Mummy buys the rabbit for me, not for you!" (exact quoting).

A few minutes later she came up to me and held out her hand, sort of.. generously offering to let me touch her rabbit. i reached out my hand and she quickly hugged her rabbit tightly and ran away, pulling a cheeky face at me when she was a safe distance away from me. T.T 2 years old kid kajiaoing me?!

After a few hours, when i (+ parents + sis + aunt) was leaving for some flower exhibition (which her parents not going, so she couldn't go), out of everyone she chose to glare furiously at me again and said randomly:

"NO RABBITS FOR YOU!"

I was speechless, of course. I mean, i didn't expect her to know how to.. talk, as in articulate her words so clearly. She is only 2 years old afterall! I mean, i was kind of quiet and decent when i was two lol. What's most irritating is that, she isn't scared of me, but sees me as a jiejie whom she enjoys pissing off. She doesn't do that to my other cousins / sister!

What's this. I feel.. degraded. As though i'm another kid, fighting over a toy bunny. -.-

there you go, the father and daughter :)

told you, my family members / relatives not bad-looking ones~!

Harsh.

2011-02-04T20:48:00.000-08:00

I am terribly sorry, but I don't give in to bitches and bastards.

Sorry for being very very different from my parents. I know i sound harsh. There's a limit to everything, what more the tolerance level of a short-tempered me. It's not a matter of whether or not i have gotten used to such treatment throughout the years; I believe I deserve respect. I have grown up, i understand what's going on, and i certainly have the strength to fight / resist / voice out my opinions. And fyi, my views and mindset differ from my parents'.

My parents don't care about their pride when it comes to you bunch of blood people, but i do. You people ought to get rid of your so-called habits. Unlike my uselessly soft-hearted parents, I am not made of paper or glass. I am not them; I want to stop being taken for granted. I don't exist / live to please you people or endure your nonsense.

I am sure you know how nasty and heartless I can be; afterall, you people have watched me grow up and supposedly should know my real personality, no? I may seem cold, i may seem oblivious, i may seem indifferent. However, always remember that you only see what i choose to show. My environment forces me to develop many many masks, and i only choose one to shove it into your(s) dirty face.

Inside, it's actually burning and boiling.

Well, since it's the CNY period.. I shall not spill any blood.

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR.

Words

2011-01-31T14:45:00.000-08:00

Expressionlessly, he peered into her face after making that icy comment and shrugged his shoulders.

"No." she repeated. "No, i didn't."

She looked at him incredulously; her headache miraculously subsided. Her voice was surprising calm, though her mind was in a mess. She glared at him, even beginning to doubt herself.

"Well, there isn't a need to." he threw her a dark look before turning away briefly, but somehow haughtily.

"No. No. I never. No." Her tone turned from that of astonishment to that of frustration. She looked around, yearning for some support, but all she received were doubtful glances and unsympathetic eyes. Why was she being accused of the thing she did not do? She felt slightly exasperated at his accusation and her good friends' indifference.

And she wondered how many would actually apologize to her when they realize their mistake.

...

....

.....

......

.....

....

...

I AM AWESOME. Was composing a song (or rather melody), and now, a story?! I can be a composer / writer in the future already~! Not too bad, quite a number of career paths i can turn to. Heh, i had been trying out on the piano my newly composed melody (even at 1am). To tell the truth, it is a deliberate attempt to irritate my family members. My parents disapprove of me using computer / watching TV, and even when i read books late into the night they yell at me for acting "hardworking" -.- and want me to sleep. 1am is still so early! but okayy, i have been adjusting my body system these days anyway.

I AM NOT WORKING FOR THE ENTIRE OF THIS WEEK :)

well next week there would be a lot of books/cds/dvds to chiong, since i left them all undone last week =/ ohh btw, as i was typing and checking the books' information at work, i realize the new trend.

Books. Ranging from typical teenage romance -> Vampires. A very good example would be twilight hmmm and the adapted vampire version of Pride and Prejudice. A few days ago i came across books on Werewolves. Quite typical also, like the guy is a werewolf then his lover is a human and how they struggle to be together to be accepted suffering all the dangerous journeys.. -.- another book is on angels. YES, Angels being condemned for falling in love with Mortals.. i thought such books are only in Chinese- those Chinese novels / series you know. soooo typical. but i think the typical English books are better than the Chinese ones though; because i can detect literary devices in English and not in Chinese (since i don't take c. lit LOL) so i can better appreciate but still..

Vampires. Werewolves. Angels. What's next?

Zombies? ;D heh i think writing a novel on romance between a zombie and human would be interesting. I mean, zombies are supposed to be void of all emotions right? I was telling my mentor (at work) who got married 2 months ago that 10 years down the road (when she has a kid), if she come across any Zombie-related books resembling the adapted version of Vampire / werewolf romance, the author must be the Awesome me. At that she went D: D: D: and assured me with a promise that she would not let her child read any books written by that awesome author =.=

Speaking of books. As quoted from Jeanette Winterson: In the library I felt better, words you could trust and look at till you understood them, they couldn't change halfway through a sentence like people, so it was easier to spot a lie.

that only applies to printed books though. As in, take for instance, blog posts. Words in blog posts can always be edited / changed by the blogger, since they aren't printed, only saved / published.

Well, where can you find truth in this world so thoroughly ruled by lies? but most of the time, truth really doesn't matter, i guess? People expect you to say what they want to hear; sometimes you tell the truth, nobody listens, nobody believes. Everyone goes for concrete evidence, and only things in black and white can make them shut up on their assumptions and beliefs..

MANNN, i'm hungry. Shall have my lunch now (Maggi noodles AGAIN). Was thinking of changing blogskin tooo

Last but not least

michelletangxo:jaayvan:mynameisloud:beaatricesamantha:erraticecstasy:mykeyislost:thisisjeli:thunderpopcola:(via fuckyeahsmile)(via fuckingobscenity-deactivated201)

From one of my tumblr posts. :) Serves as a very good reminder for me..

冬季到台北来看雨

2011-01-28T14:00:00.000-08:00

/edited

冬季到台北来看雨　

也许会遇见你

街道冷清心是却拥挤　每一个角落都有回忆

如果相逢也不必逃避　

我终将擦肩而去

天还是天喔雨还是雨　这城市我不再熟悉
我还是我喔你还是你　

只是多了一个冬季

:) my latest favourited song. oops. back to work now.

btw, Taiwan was freezing, Alisan especially.

the very last sunrise of the year 2010.

I am Myself

2011-01-27T22:08:00.000-08:00

As you can see, I'm thinking of blogging more often. :)

It was kind of.. idk, fun? reading people's blogs. Learn a lot of things. Everyone leads their lives differently, but well i think mine's still the most Interesting out of all. (i don't mean those stupid things i did.. b-but of course part of them are the reasons why my life seems more entertaining than the others'..)

Take for instance. Idk if i'm considered fortunate or unfortunate to be born petite / short / circle-faced / small / apple-faced /princess-like / spoilt-eldest-child / mild / whatever-your-nickname-for-me-is. I have been interacting with ALL kinds of people, and they have DIFFERENT (mostly undesirable, i suppose ;D) comments on me. AND most of the time, the comments revolve around my size. =/ i don't think my appearance matters to them actually b-but, humans being humans.. they just like to be critical about anything. (seriously, imagine more and more people being critical like me. the world's ending!)

Went to my aunt's place during christmas, and a long-distant-relative (who hasn't seen me for a year ONLY) popped by and came into the room we were in. As a respectful child (like always), unlike my cousins and sister who practically ignored her i greeted her, yet she looked at me suspiciously. After searching my face for a while, she recognised me and went "Waa when did you become so grown-up and pretty? i couldn't recognise you!" [pss. must be my dress. and the trick of the lights. GROWN-UP? ha.]

My sister, perhaps feeling guilty for not greeting her (see i'm such an awesome sister who sets a good example), came over and acknowledged her existence. She took a look at my sister and went "WAAA this one even prettier!"

My aunt popped her head in and asked something like "do they look like their mother" somewhere along that line. And the long-distant relative exclaimed "Of course not! i've never thought of their mother being pretty before!"

And guess what.

she looked again at me and sis, then pointed at me and said:

"this one looks more like the mother."

No, not quite done yet.

She continued dazing at me and added:

"hmm really look a lot like the mother."

mum dad me sis

HELLO? i look A LOT like my mum? total CLONE? like TWIN?

Seriously.

this is supposed to be a longer post.. but for some unmentionable reasons, the post would end here. (: continue another time

Next Stop, Happiness

2011-01-21T13:50:00.000-08:00

/edited.

什么责任？你以为你救了她就有权力干涉她的一切吗？

你现在对她好，她以后怎么生存？你以为你可以时时刻刻都呆在她的身边?

不要再对她好了，也不要再去管她，她有自己要过的生活，你现在一时的同情，只会让她更痛苦，

因为你永远不会是她的家人，而她自始至终还是一个人。——梁慕橙　

Next Stop, Happiness. Feel like re-watching it again; heard that it's on Channel U on weekdays 10pm?

Lesson learnt: Don't be too dependent / reliant on others. Sometimes, even your parents / siblings wouldn't always be there for you, what more others? it's alright to set high expectations and expecting a lot from yourself, but it's not okayy to put too much hope on others.

But.. sometimes we find ourselves expecting more from others, being dissatisfied with what they have given us so far (or rather, what they have not given us). And what comes next? Disappointment. but you can't blame the individual entirely..

The person who comes into his / her life should be held responsible. If that person has no desire to stay on or to continue, he / she should not have entered, should not have provided hope.

Things get more complicated and ironic when there are so many people you can turn to / or are there for you, but instead the people you really need (and desperately hoping they would be there) do not appear. And it's even more absurd to hope for something back from the past to live again.
.
..
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LOL WHAT CRAP. okok (: Nonsensical state of mind again. Surely you have grown used to it?

NEXT STOP HAPPINESS IS AWESOME~!

The Final Goodbye.

2011-01-20T13:50:00.000-08:00

Yes, i waited.
Because i wanted a final goodbye, which eventually indeed did come.

Well, 20 minutes left to end of lunch break. Can't believe i'm wasting my time here on blogger - i only have 1 precious hour of break time! i should be enjoying my food..
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15 minutes left. LOL omgg i wasted 5 minutes thinking about what foood i should have for lunch tomorrow. =/ for goodness sake, dinnertime is not yet here, nor is tomorrow's breakfast time.

Was in the "returned insanity" mood recently. And this is what my friends have to say:

Wling: Lol. Must be because after the meet-up, one of your wire went haywire. :P
My Reply: Since when do i have non-haywire ones?

Momo: wahhh... you like in the hole for so long cant get up. too short? or hole too deep? >.<
My Reply: W-what. black hole is my nickname, but i dont think i live in holes?

Call them my friends! DD:

Am planning to blog more often (:

Updates - Meeting-up

2011-01-16T21:45:00.000-08:00

PLEASE DON'T READ THE PREVIOUS WHINY POST ON 25 DECEMBER~

READ THIS POST INSTEAD! (:

whoooooo the previous post makes my eyes O.O and i'm currently desperately trying to reduce the font (of the previous post) but blogger doesn't allow me to do so. Shall try again later =/ idk why things (technology and devices) are rebelling against me these days.

Take for example, handphones.

My awesome (old) black Sony Ericsson hp with fabulous shutting down skills has been residing in the Cold Palace (i have forgotten which drawer of mine) since the day Melvyn gave me his old 2008 hp.

Melvyn's hp was quite reliable.. until recently. IT ALSO BEGINS REBELLING AGAINST ME! i think it isn't the hps' fault though. The problem most probably lies in me. Well anyway, i bought a new phone yesterday - semi-touch-screen one damn it. I HATE TOUCHSCREEN DEVICES. Why must technology be so advanced that.. no non-touch-screen devices (hps / creative players) are available in the market huh. or is it that i didn't manage to spot one?

I admit that i am indeed a noob, b-but. WHATEVER.

I am.. fearing. A l e v e l s r e s u l t s. Idk why, studies are always on my mind all the time. Not studies, i mean grades / results. It's not like i'm the top student or the best in whatever subjects.. as in only the top would keep thinking about results right? people like me (with my grades) shouldn't like.. give a damn?

hmmmm drop the topic on studies. Went to watch "The Tourist" (pss Angelina Jolie is awesome, but Emma still "owns" the first place in my heart LOL) with Ang Cher Xm Shir WT yesterday.. Met them for Lunch, and then went to meet Jz daddy, KY, Wling for dinner. Kayyan that woman is.. idk, never change! the same.. weird make-up, the same attitude.. just that this time i find out that she enjoys putting large flowers on her head / hair :O but her never-changing personality is good, makes me nostalgic and at ease.

well the 4 of us Bpians were recalling past events, talking about certain people who crossed our paths. And the topics revolved around "Studies" (never-ending talk on this), "Relationships" (wling said we must meet up again, because she learnt a lot about this and want learn more ROFL) and last but not least "Friends".

Learn and know a lot of things i never know, or rather, never notice. And i am asked questions i have never thought about before, for instance:

"How would you like a guy to propose to you? Your ideal way of proposing?"

ROFL. And wling asked a question which i had asked them before, but unable to get satisfactory answers: "How do you know if you like someone?"

haha. ohhh and me and wling hi-five at the part when she says ".. the feeling when.. you want to see him / her, yet when you finally manage to see him / her, but then suddenly you don't wanna see him / her.." LOL i think we were driving daddy and yann insane with our weird logics heh.

Anyway, i miss School. Yes, my JC. plus my secondary school. I don't really miss my primary school(s) actually =/ Work is okayy; mine isn't that stressed as compared to some others. The people are nice too.. And i have become a kind soul out of a sudden :O taking the initiative in planning CIP projects whoooshh when CIP hours aren't useful to me now? what's wrong with me. I was an extremely realistic person!

I don't like Sunday nights. :( feeling so miserable now for no reason lol.

whinyy REFLECTIONS

2010-12-25T14:40:00.000-08:00

/edited

This is going to be my last post of the month December and year 2010. Off to Taiwan on 29th and would only return in January. =/ Went KL last week - i hereby declare it as a disappointment. No fault of the tour agency / tourguide though. More of a self-imposed one *roll eyes* LOL excluding the weather. Sorry, i'm being subtle and indirect - like always. :)

This shall be a long long long long post. But warning: some of you may not bear reading the below - err some quite harsh, i admit. Especially those of you whom i do not know / expect you to be reading my blog.. And don't remind me. I know i've changed drastically. But that's just an indication of me growing up and understanding the world better, from a different perspective. (: okayy, i think i am just letting out all my frustration - all that i have been enduring for the past 2 years (which i have never really said out to anyone)

WARNING: THIS IS A VERY WHINY POST

Reflections [Year 2010]

2010 is a special year (: whyy? Because of the Awesome Alevels. ROFL, of course not. Just that i've learnt a lot a lot.

Learning Point (1) UNIQUE ME
I am 18! but it's not like i've finally achieved my long-desired freedom.. hmm. I used to think that i'm very special and unique.. But well, imagine my amazement when i finally meet someone who is on a SIMILAR FREQUENCY as me. EXACTLY similar in many aspects. Furthermore, imagine my amusement when i wanted to say something super random and troll, yet the person already knew what i wanted to say. it's like.. not only intellectually.. but also psychologically? Too bad, i don't really have opportunities to interact much with this moron.. But still, i'm glad (: i'm not the only weird one out there. Wait. but that also indicates that i am not the only UNIQUE one out there D:

Learning Point (2) LOVE
The eleven-people (family members) trip to KL makes me.. D: and :) LOL yes, it was a HUGE disappointment but at least i learn something interesting - i understand how my maternal family works. =/ Marriages. Tolerance, Silence, Endurance, Understanding, Commitment, Patience. Being patient with the ill / often sickly ones, enduring your loved ones' nonsense, tolerating their stubborness, taking responsibility when the less-matured ones push the blame to you though it's no fault of yours.. WOW, the elders in my maternal family are really something. I am ashamed to say that i'm the one who kept getting irritated with my super-aunties-like aunts / mother for being stuck at a stupid boring shop for hours, with my spoilt cousins for some of their nonsense.. everyone was taking things so coolly and acting.. like uncivilised people lol. I was quite embarrassed to be standing next to them, i admit. But now thinking back.. they are just being their Natural selves, no restraint, no uneasiness. I wasn't used to their.. should i say, extremely informal actions. I am actually closer to my paternal family members, who are relatively more formal and conscious of their words and actions, more disciplined, more.. strict? For my paternal family members, Love is related to Respect and Commitment.. while for my maternal family, Love should be defined as Tolerance and Patience? :) LOL

Learning Point (3) SELF-IMPOSED RIGHTEOUSNESS
Dealing with people who deem themselves to be sooo ohhh Righteous and godly. As though people in the entire world are sinners and they (and their loved ones) are the only pure and non-contaminated ones. Like wow, they are the only disinfected human beings on earth, untouched by the Seven Deadly Sins, having the right to condemn everyone they know (perhaps except the people they love / approve of). They are soo.. errmm confident of their integrity, being soooo morally upright, striving to protect themselves and their loved ones so much so that they don't even know they are being made use of. Worse still, they are blind to the fact that those GOD / GODDESSES they have always approved of are actually Devils in disguise. These "self-righteous" morons end up to be just pawns, blind to reality. What a joke. And wrt this kind of people, don't bother hitting them awake. they are too obsessed and bewitched to even OPEN THEIR EYES. They are stubbornly judgemental, but well.. they aren't really Gods afterall, so their judgement may be wrong from time to time, just that nobody bothers to correct them, or rather, they refuse to be corrected. Okayy, i'm not saying that being judgemental is bad, but you should not influence others with your own flawed judgement. You are not playing a fair game here yo. And how to "cure" these kind of people? My little piece of advice: Don't be kaypo; you are not a professional doctor. Leave them to their own devices and stay a distance away from them. They wouldn't appreciate your help / advice, but worse still they may end up hating you thinking that you are out to ruin their lives / happiness / whatsoever.

Learning Point (4) AGGRESSIVE VICTIMS
People who like to victimize themselves and deem everyone (except themselves) to be aggressors. This kind of people are sort of.. similar to those "self-righteous people"; the only difference lies in that the self-righteous people just see the world as "what a hopeless world" "almost all humans are evil, no cure already" "i must protect my loved ones from these evil people!!" On the other hand these "victimized people" sympathize with themselves, rambling "why people treat me like this" "ohh i must have been too kind" "So unfair!" "I did nothing wrong my conscience is as clear as the sky / sea" "I am a good and kind person, they are the baddies" and finally come up with the conclusion that "OHH I UNDERSTAND NOW- they must be JEALOUS of me for being so PURE and innocent and perfect and...". LMAO. It's obvious that this kind of people never reflect on themselves, thinking too highly of themselves. These "Aggressive victims" often fail to realize that they are actually the aggressors and the people whom they accuse of being aggressive are the real victims. Alright, i admit that sometimes i may victimize myself too. BUT I did some self-reflection.. and yet still find the other party unreasonable and aggressive. HOWEVER, i don't go around rambling to RANDOM people "So-and-so are evil ttm.." "i very unfortunate / poor thing hor, this kind of friends / family also have!" LIKE HELLO? What's the point of gaining sympathy and pity? Worse still, if it's just your sensitivity acting up.. the person who ends up being genuinely hurt isn't you. It's the so-called-AGGRESSOR whom you have named. ohh and if you are grumbling to a close one about this particular person you don't like, it's alright. But not to random people, allowing that RANDOM person to judge that aggressor who intimidate you based on your so-called facts when Mr/Miss Random doesn't even know the AGGRESSOR in person. D: it isn't fair. -- So Unfair whyy you treat me like this when my conscience is clear-- (minicked) LOL What to do with such "aggressive victims"? Advice: Ignore them. No wait, can't ignore them since they are very sensitive - there would be more trouble. Don't talk too much when they are around. They would pick on your every word and make a story out of it, or would be paranoid, always thinking that you are talking about them.

Learning Point (5) PRETENTIOUS SILENCE
the most scary people on earth are the silent observant kind. By that, i don't mean that all silent people are scary. Take Xuemei for example. She is really quiet and decent. But she is not pretentious; she doesn't act decent and silently observe. I mean, yeaa of course she does observe her surroundings, but she remains silent always (no harsh words; no bad comments), under whatever circumstances. It's not like she remains silent in front of this group of people, and yet acts differently / talks differently in front of another group. And my definition of "different" here is of the more extreme kind, like pretending to be really reliable / trustworthy but.. aiya idk how to say. Nonetheless I love silent but REAL people like XM - Rare species, going to be extinct soon. Why can't there be more people like her on earth? uhh no wait, if the world is made up of Xuemei(s), it would no longer be an interesting place to reside in. :(

Learning Point (6) EFFORTS AND CHANCES
Some people are difficult to get close to, but if you make the effort, you may gain a really awesome person in your life. Ang Zhi Ying is the most ideal example. She is an ultimate troll; no-one can outshine her awesomeness / randomness err i'm making use of euphenism here. I shall use cacophony now - in blunt terms, she is just weird; Queen of the weirdos. As you've known, I'm weird too, but well she beats me in that so you can imagine how Weird she is. She appeared (in j1) to be an Outcast, a loner, not bothering to interact with anyone other than Cherlyn. I forgot how many attempts i had made, and how many times she had ignored my kind intentions. Sooner or later i realize she is acting SHY and DEMURE D: hahaha anyway she is my night-crapping friend currently. You can always trust her to sleep later than you LOL it's like back to those sleepless nights.. I realize i have lost some people, and am missing them. Nonetheless, this woman is totally different from them; more hilarious and errr.. Awesome. Can't find another appropriate (sarcastic) term. :D this troll has such a strong influence on me.. ranging from Green Tea to slacking to sleeping.. but the only thing that she didn't manage to impose upon me was her LOVE for MATHEMATICS and CHEMISTRY. Ang, You FAILLLLLLLLLS. (idk if you are reading this though lol i'm going to force you to read).

Learning Point (7) LIARS LIARS
Dealing with people who lie. Perhaps even at the expense of others. I have a strong hatred for people who lie at the expense of others. So what if other people believe you? Lying is baddddd, even if they are white lies, you are still considered dishonest. Well.. okok white lies are common in my everyday life la- Mum and sis always ask "Liddat nice anot" then i always exclaim "Nice!" even though they look weird. Because if i bluntly comment "nahh not nice" they would bug me again and again. Lies which did no harm to others are acceptable, but why do you even want to lie in the first place? If you want to stop people from bugging you or you don't want to hurt others, it's understandable. However if it's some random lies meant to boost yourself or gain sympathy.. don't you find it lame? Tricking people into believing you and what's next? Laughing secretly behind their backs and think "wow they are so dumb they actually believe!" Very fun ar, got satisfaction meh? Yesss i'm dumb, i know. And sick of it. I don't mind those harmless joking kind of lies though (since they spice up my life) - i'm referring to lies that aim to gain sympathy or boost oneself.. and affecting others, not admitting that you are lying and betray people's trust by lying even further.

Learning Point (8) SELF REFLECTION
Reflect on yourself. Don't do what you don't like others to do to you. Some people are really sensitive; as in they are sensitive to how they themselves feel, and not sensitive to others' feelings. They don't like people to do this to them, yet they do this to others. I am currently aiming to be more sensitive to others' feelings, and being less sensitive / paranoid to my own. Life would be easier, no?

Learning Point (9) PLEASE
Gaining acceptance, popularity. Like ohh please, you can't PLEASE or satisfy everyone. You are who you are. And i like people for who they truly are. Even if you do plastic surgery, you can only change your appearance. And there's no guarantee that EVERYONE would chop chop confirm plus chop find you pretty after your surgery. Tastes vary, thinkings vary. Years ago, I've already surrendered to the fact that i can't make everyone happy, can't make everybody approve of me. And i've never tried to be popular before, fyi. I was extremely fearful of people hating me rofl. idk why some people are trying desperately and even resorting to lying methods to gain popularity.. or shall i say notoriety.

Learning Point (10) FRIENDSHIP
Being direct and honest, able to take criticism and advice are elements to lasting friendship. So far, i have quite a number of lasting friendships. Because of truth, trust and honesty. If you encounter something wrt to betrayals / backstabbing, Confrontation is the best solution. (in my case) There are often misunderstandings to be cleared. Friendship should not be a guessing game, fyi. Ability to accept criticism is crucial too; a friend is worth keeping and worth promoting if they dare to criticise you sincerely and frankly. This proves that they want you to change for the better. If i bother to tell you my frank comments and how i feel, you are my good friend. If i don't dare to, you are just a friend. Sad to say, i HAD a good friend who believes that "good friends" are meant to praise one another. No wait, she expects me and others to pay her compliments yet she criticises others all the time. She has become a friend ever since i realize she believes that my kind (health-related) advices are meant to put her down (in terms of physical appearance) in order for myself to outshine her. Seriously, there are many more prettier smarter richer and certainly nicer girls than you out there, and i have confidence in myself (my looks inclusive) too, okayyyy? fyi, it's just the matter of my Willingness, not my Ability. ;D omgg so shameless. Anyway, i realize that real good friends don't have to see each other every single day / be in similar class / school. I'm delighted to catch up with them every now and then :) Also, Friendship is a strange thing. You can be really close to someone even though you and him / her may be together only in History class, or perhaps have never been in a similar class before.

Learning Point (11) WORK VS SCHOOL
Working Life Versus Studying Life. WORKING LIFE IS BORING. no gossips, no anticipation, nothing! [but i'm glad that i'm in an office with nice adults ;D] in short, the only bad thing about school is getting back results / exams, while the good(s) about work is $$$$$ and no fear of examinations. I finally understand why so many people wanna be doctors/ lawyers alr; everyday new cases, not routine-like jobs. When i was younger, i wanted to be a teacher (piano/dance lalala whatever). Then in secondary school i changed my mind. BUT NOW.. teaching is a good choice. Breaks, holidays, not that boring relatively. !@#$%^ i'm suddenly reminded of Alevels (fearing results) so let's just move on to my next learning point.

Learning Point (12) NOBODY IS PERFECT
Accepting everyone. Nobody is perfect. Recognizing and giving credits to people's positive traits; forgiving them for their flaws and perhaps help them overcome them. If they don't appreciate you, then too bad lo, just shoooo and get out of their lives.

Learning Point (13) BONJOUR (hello), AU REVOIR (goodbye)
Don't bother, don't keep making futile attempts to keep someone in your life. Alright, I allow you, as in, I give you the permission to leave my life. I sense that you are dying to leave? I'm sorry for holding you back, and you ought to be apologetic too for taking up so much space. You would stay, if you want to. However.. you need to understand that YOU CAN CHECK OUT ANYTIME YOU WANT, BUT YOU CAN NEVER LEAVE! [omgg Hotel California] And i'm glad that some really nice people have been making attempts to enter / remain in my life.. yesss i would save more space for you ;D

Learning Point (14) RELIGIONS

I realize how stubborn i can be. Hmmmmmm

And of course, as i'm typing the nonsensical above, i'm reflecting on myself too. I shall stop being so critical and just move on with my own life. (: ha, feel so relieved now. I actually survive! sorry if i sounded bitchy :O but i really really.. have been tolerating. Everything's over. :)

Composed Poem

2010-11-30T22:00:00.000-08:00

THROAT PAIN @#$%^&*$%^&*()_ Like NOT AGAIN

i was reading some chinese books imported from China yet THAT inspiration hit me. idk what that chinese book has to do with the following english "poem" (which i composed); and worse still, in spite of being the composer i have absolutely NO IDEA what i'm talking about.

29 November 2010 01.15 AM

You lay a trap, i believe
It is supposedly negligible
Nonetheless
I'm over-prudent enough to detect it.

Sensing it as an insult to my aptitude for sensitivity
And realising the need for diversion at times
I deliberately turn it into a challenge
Through enlarging that insignificant pit

I finally slipped;
Still not falling into it
My risk-taking instinct instead
Prompted me to jump into it
[yes, i have nothing better to do than to jump into some stupid holes]

I didn't expect myself to crawl my way out so easily
Ten times swifter that i anticipated it to be

Sooner or later i realize the reason why;
The trap is another lighted black hole
While i, all along
Have been on a genuine black hole.

Years have passed
And the gap has ultimately
Been closed up
With trash stuffed in by you and me

Yet recently i learn that
there's another crater elsewhere
Undisclosed.

And i shall make the decision
Whether to bleach or sew it up
Only after tomorrow.

The only disappointment is that it has never
Developed into an authentic challenge afterall

LOLL LOOK, a "poem" on BLACK HOLES. awesome. i seem to be obsessed with the idea of BLACK HOLES; Ang Zhi Ying would be sooooo proud of me :) nevertheless, i can't interpret it, and so far none of my literature friends are able to. ROFL

Anyway, I BORROWED 4 ENGLISH BOOKS TODAY! REAL books. REAL. (ERM though one of them has historical element, and another literary-related..)

(1) Empress
on Empress Wu (Heavenlight), one of China's most controversial figures. DD: couldn't find the chinese book, but found the english version one instead

(2) MR DARCY, VAMPYRE
:D my favourite book back in secondary school was PRIDE AND PREJUDICE. this is an extension, + the vampire element

(3) The Edge of Impropriety
this is a SCANDALOUS book. Decided to borrow it; and Jeanette was laughing at me. [ i was told that the kind of books you read / prefer can sort of.. define what kind of personality you have.] okayy, the book content: "Marina Wyatt, popular novelist and beautiful Countess of Gorham, is irresistible fodder for gossip columns, in which her ribald private life is the stuff of public scandal.." HELLO? scandalous? ME? NEVER :D ehhh my parents are still urging me to find a bf can! it's either that they are afraid i am not straight.. or that they are unhappy with me for hanging out too much with guys who are already attached.

(4) Fate and Miss Fortune
the book review attracted me- "With the name Robyn Fortune, shouldn't luck be a sure thing? Instead, black clouds love me ...... I found out my boss planned to fire me (Help wanted: be the exclusive makeup artist for a two-faced network news star). My ex's gambling debts left me near bankruptcy (Please buy our wedding gifts on craigslist). But, good news. I was offered money to date a man who had worse luck than me (Dear Visa, i hope you appreciate that I said yes)......." HAHAH sound hilarious, the language. sorry, i have a weird sense of humour.

yawns. what an.. educational post.
off to visit tumblr now~
IT'S TIME TO REBLOG PHOTOS OF EMMA WATSON! <3

Au Revoir, Alevels. Literature is loved

2010-11-27T01:02:00.000-08:00

ROARS ALEVELS, AU REVOIR! (hopefully)
Currently, I feel as though i'm finally learning how to lead a real life. In spite of the fact that i'm still sort of.. well, my parents are dissatisfied with me for using comp still. Idk why DD:

I was sleeping so happily and peacefully until i saw the sms- Mr Mohan chasing us for SGC DD: shall not care about him today; tomorrow then see how ;) Siiann i still feel tired for no reason- i've slept like.. from 5pm till 10pm?

Was crapping with a friend the night (a few hours) before Literature Paper 5 [THE LAST PAPER on 26November2010], and we were acting like trolls. Well i want to share the following, but i shall not disclose her identity- shall save her from the embarrassment xD Nonetheless she was the one who started sending troll (random) smses first; and being a kind friend i am i decided to entertain her [actually idk what she's talking about lol]

HER RANDOM SMS:
Turning and turning in the widening gyre
The falcon cannot hear the falconer;
Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold;
Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world

MY REPLY:
Flipping and flipping furiously;
As the clock ticks by
My heart says DIE DIE DIE

HER REPLY:
LOL whaat was that? I was quoting my secondary school literature text!

MY REPLY:
Wth. I composed that myself desu. I thought you composed the previous one yourself! zz Alevels has killed my passion for Literature. Destroyerr!

HER REPLY:
Want me to compose? Fine!

Trolling and trolling without a care for any
The troll cannot hear any others
Losers rage and rage, and cowards die of suicide
Mere awesomeness is loosed upon the world

MY FINAL REPLY:
Staring and staring without an idea what you're talking
The genius cannot express herself clearly to any others
Experts try and try, muggers die of suffocation
Mere randomness is loosed upon the universe.

ROFL. doesn't make much sense i know. Both of us were sleepy- idk what she was doing, but i was going crazy over Women-in-Literature since i had been slacking and only started reading my notes at 10pm or so :(

I have so much random stuff to say; but idk where to begin DD: and i just realise that i haven't eaten my dinner and it's already 1am now =/

25 Minutes

2010-10-08T21:20:00.000-07:00

What's the probability of running.. and getting your head hit by BIRD SHIT. I have never seen a stationary object being that unfortunate, what more a moving one. and fyi, bird shit doesn't bring luck. At least i don't think i'm fortunate / lucky today. thanks a lot Mr Bird (i assume you are a male since i am a feminist), for making my Friday such a memorable one. Perhaps it's a punishment for me - for laughing at people's weird hairstyles + laughing at Sis last time when she kena bird shit. =/ Seriously. BIRDS. can't they shit on people selectively? If they know how to selectively shit i think i wouldn't be on their list.

Changed blogskin + selectively deleted some posts :) Anyway, i edited some posts too - most of them i eliminated emotional elements.

I was thinking of deleting all the posts and start afresh.. But i realise that i can't do it (no, not now; perhaps until the end of alevels i still can't do it). And in my case, deleting them wouldn't rid the fact that it's already saved in my memory and i am unable to forget. D: Unless I suffer from Amnesia or what you call that. But then again, i don't think i would ever experience such medical condition, given that i have undergone so many traumatic events; yet my brain is still so alive and @&(@#$%^& LOL. I NEED TO MASTER THE SKILL OF SAVING MY MEMORY FOR BETTER AND MORE USEFUL STUFF

hmm. Very often history is a means of denying the past. Denying the past is to refuse to recognise its integrity. We are all historians in our small way. And in some ghastly way Pol Pot was more honest than the rest of us have been - Pol Pot decided to dispense with the past altogether. In Cambodia, the cities were to be wiped out, maps thrown away, everything gone. No documents, nothing. A brave new world.

Well, I'm not Pol Pot you see. Even though it's no crime to harden my heart against dead things (referring to past events), i found such dead things seductive and i have a problem of disposing them just like that. DD: And if we can't dispose of it we can alter it. I had been doing that and.. i realise because of that i am unable to differentiate if a certain fragmented event is reality or a modification.

haha. Anyway, this is going to be my 1st and last post of the month OCTOBER 2010. And.. i notice my blog is filled with literature quotes :O chim right? Actually i don't really understand some quotes either.. but they sound sophisticated and meaningful so i just spam them :)

^&*()_ $%^&*() PRELIMS, YOU SUCK TTM. And since you are history too, i shall alter you. I don't care if after my awesome alteration it still sounds realistic anot : I SCORED ALL As FOR PRELIMS! WHOOOOOOOOOOOOO A is the only letter, get it right! -.- Rofl. Passing all would make me happy enough though.

I have been doing maths almost everyday. I am lagging behind, a lot - as in behind Bpians. I was below the average for Olevels, and i certainly don't want history to repeat itself. For the Prelims this time, almost all Bpians passed (in spite of the fact that only 27% of the cohort made it before moderation). They passed even before moderation. Unlike me, where moderation makes no differences to my grade.

I would hurry finish memorizing history before going for consultations.
I would make sure that this time there are no loopholes in my econs revision.
I would try my best to set aside some time for GP.
Literature is awesome as usual; though Paper 5 needs more clarification.

I realise that i am too obliging, and for the 30 days left- i shall stop being such an obliging friend / sister / daughter and would only do things which benefit me. Not like i'm that selfless in the first place heh.

Was pretty obsessed with a particular song nowadays

After some time I've finally made up my mind
She is the girl and I really want to make her mine
I'm searching everywhere to find her again
To tell her I love her and I'm sorry about the things I've done

I find her standing in front of the church
The only place in town where I didn't search
She looks so happy in her wedding dress
But she's crying while she's saying this

Boy, I've missed your kisses all the time
But this is twenty-five minutes too late
Though you travelled so far
Boy, I'm sorry you are twenty-five minutes too late

Against the wind I'm going home again
Wishing me back to the time
When we were more than friends

But still I see her in front of the church
The only place in town where I didn't search
She looked so happy in her wedding dress
But she cried while she was saying this

Boy, I've missed your kisses all the time
But this is twenty-five minutes too late
Though you traveled so far
Boy, I'm sorry you are twenty-five minutes too late

Out in the streets
Places where hungry hearts have nothing to eat
Inside my head
Still I can hear the words she said

Boy, I've missed your kisses all the time
But this is twenty-five minutes too late
Though you travelled so far
Boy, I'm sorry your are twenty-five minutes too late

I can still hear her say

Look at the above. From an optimist's (yes that's me; LOL) perspective: CHEER UP MAN, it's 25 minutes, not 2.5 minutes, or worse still - 25 seconds. So it isn't really that sad, you see. hmm i hope i would never hear anyone sing this song (neither do i want to be heard singing this to anyone). Hopefully. Nonetheless, it's such a pity? i think the guy is a jerk though - he assumed he knows her well (church was the only place he didn't search). And what, the girl is crying though she is married (she still loves him?). whoosh in crude terms.. why do i sense that her current husband is actually a substitute? :( And the idiotic guy has to choose to come back and upsets the balance when she finally finds someone better and decides to move on with her life. Moreover, the guy didn't ask the girl to wait for him in the first place; he ASSUMED she would wait for him. What a joke.

However. this is the first and only song that has touched me since jc2 begins. D: A simple song, yet.. suggesting to us "there's no turning back", "nothing is constant forever", "BE PREPARED FOR UNEXPECTANCY IN LIFE" lololol

Don't really like staying at home these days. It seems to me that as if family / home is my chief problem, it is my only refuge. =/ i know i always grumble how indifferent my parents are towards my well-being.. but perhaps all these would change after alevels. :) i know that for them, as well as for me, studies are supposedly the priority for these 18 years; nothing matters that much, not even my health or mentality. Well, two more months down and i would finally learn how to lead a real life. I can endure it for 18 years of education in this household- surely i can continue striving for another 2 months. :)

AND MY MOTHER SAYS I AM UNFEELING. MY FATHER THINKS THAT I'M SELFISH. I think that my sister thinks i am both unfeeling and selfish; well, after all i have done for her. feel so under-appreciated :o I don't see the need of telling people explicitly "OHH DADDIE MUMMIE MEIMEI I LOVE YOU SO MUCH SO MUCH TILL I THINK I CAN DIE FOR YOU ......." You can't blame me if you are not observant enough to sense my affection. I think i have been a successful daughter / sister all along.. ahhh, but of course there's always room for improvement. heh

ohhh and i am losing my patience and getting.. disappointed. And the fact that having so many influential factors around doesn't help - they force me to stop living in self-denial and want me to confront the truths. =/ I want to believe in the lies- but believing in them would make my life complicated. I have never thought of Friendship as such a fragile thing before, filled with confusion, hypocrisy, pretence and the desire to.. gain acceptance? I like and make friends because of who you really are, not who you desire to be / not because you have a high social status or whatever. I feel stupid to be told that i am wrong in believing, and worse still when you keep misunderstanding me (but not confronting me directly) and NEVER LEARN HOW TO REFLECT ON YOURSELF.

gahhhhhhh I can't stand it.. But still, i would. People, wish me luck and lend me some.. perseverance? I would return them with interest rate as high as 92% after 26 November :)

I am currently on boats towards Alevels and Grade A
LOL alright, I shall focus and stop trolling

FROM ANG:
"You are the only Black hole i know of *drawing of a black hole* Black holes will reduce all matter to Particles, so you're very powerful wwww =w="

From WIKIPEDIA:
A black hole is a region of space from which nothing, not even light, can escape. Around a black hole there is an undetectable surface which marks the point of no return, called an event horizon. It is called "black" because it absorbs all the light that hits it, reflecting nothing, just like a perfect black body in thermodynamics. Despite its invisible interior, a black hole can be observed through its interaction with other matter.

BLACKS HOLES.

Post-Prelims

2010-09-22T13:31:00.000-07:00

PRELIMS ARE FINALLY OVER (: Well, the worst has yet to arrive - Alevels. Anyway, i realise that i had been slacking too much for the past two years and i didn't even really touch my J1 notes OMGG (notes that were given before JC1 common tests)

My J1 history notes are damn hilarious, i just realised a day ago:

"Kim and Rhee had many things in common: both were ardent Korean nationalists, both claimed the right to lead the entire country, both were determined to end the occupation with its artifically imposed dividing line at the 38th parallel, both would prove to be unpredictable in their actions, and each utterly despised the other."

LOLOL. it sounds funny to me, as in the rivalry part, no? okayy here are some quotes from Literature (Oranges Are Not The Only Fruit):

"My new husband turned to me, and here were a number of possibilities. Sometimes he was blind, sometimes a pig, sometimes my mother, sometimes the man from the post office, and once, just a suit of clothes with nothing inside. I told my mum about it, and she said it was because i ate sardines for supper. The next night i ate sausages, but i still had the dream."

ROFL. What a weird dream the persona has! hahha and i never know that eating sardines and sausages would result in nightmares LOL

"I went the long way, so as to miss the couples. They made funny noises that sounded painful, and the girls were always squashed against the wall."
Quite a common sight, no? hahha and some couples are really disgusting; I agree. Yikes

And of course, in OANTOF, we can't possibly miss out those feminist quotes!
"I want someone who will destroy and be destroyed by me. I would cross seas and suffer sunstroke and give away all i have, but not for a man, because they want to be the destroyer and never be destroyed."

Alright, So much so for today. Mum's yelling again- like always. In spite of the fact that prelims are over, she wouldn't even give me a break and still refuses to let me use comp / watch TV. I hate it when i have to PRETEND to do some work online. I don't want to lie; yet she always makes me resort to lying in order for me to get a break.

Was using Facebook application just now:
"YunYing , your love quote for today is: Let's commit the perfect crime. I'll steal your heart & you'll steal mine."
FUNNY!

National Day

2010-08-22T14:02:00.000-07:00

/edited

This post is going to be super duper LONG (: it shall be my last blog post until the end of Alevels! [I hope i can keep to this promise..] I shall crap as much as i want now

Shall start off with some random stuff [ before i get emo, like AGAIN ;) ]
9 August 2010 [ZhiYing trying to annoy me through random smses]

Ang: /Spambot mode. I'm on a boat~

YY: Be patriotic! Why are you on a boat to Malaysia on 9 August National Day!

Ang: D: I'm on a boat to the moon....

YY: Stop american-izing yourself. Are you thinking of marrying Armstrong? Or you are really Chang-e in disguise!

Ang: D: Whut~ I'm an outer-space alien~! Making corn soup now. Lalala~

YY: No wonder you're so weird. Never deem you to be a human before, so doesn't matter :D

Tell you a secret; I'm no human either

Ang: Meh~ I know you were a black hole! I could see you from my house of old.

YY: I'm speechless. Your house of old is where? Mars or Venus?

Ang: That's a secret D:

She's damn random la, and my randomness is a result of her influence! D: but.. kind of hilarious though. ahahah brightened up my night then :)

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

/edited

And.. I need to work harder. FOR MY MATHEMATICS ESPECIALLY. -.- really cannot make it. Had already lost that touch which i possessed in Primary / Secondary School. :(

5w0 +su On7I2 m 1os mee$sgni8 tgnik1wP 0tsuoy6itiOd u13i+1ht+ne 4iFn o3w a!4n1n 18uau 7n5el u0Yr e^o te70tgu imia M1i

I am a Feminist.

2010-07-30T21:35:00.000-07:00

Ohh. and i forgot to mention some disturbing facts which i learn from Shir today- Read the following to improve your GP knowledge: [my gratitude to Wikipedia and Shir for the information :)]

Bride kidnapping, also known as marriage by abduction or marriage by capture, is a practice throughout history and around the world in which a man abducts the woman he wishes to marry.

[seriously. BRIDE KIDNAPPING? Read on. ]

In agricultural and patriarchal societies, where bride kidnapping is most common, children work for their family. A woman leaves her birth family, geographically and economically, when she marries, becoming instead a member of the groom's family. Due to this loss of labor, the women's families do not want their daughters to marry young, and demand economic compensation (the bride price) when they do leave them. This conflicts with the interests of men, who want to marry early, as marriage means an increase in social status, and the interests of the groom's family, who will gain another pair of hands for the family farm, business or home. Depending on the legal system under which she lives, the consent of the woman may not be a factor in judging the validity of the marriage.

[WTF IS THIS! fyi, Bride Price is different from Bride Dowry. WTH Women are being treated as COMMODITIES, and there are actually sellers supplying and buyers demanding for the goods- Women. FF la, she works like a slave in her own birth family then leaves and marries into another family as a slave again. Moreover, married unwillingly. Doesn't even have a say in her marriage? WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH THIS STUPID UNFAIR WORLD? I know, Earth is different from Heaven so you can't expect much from it.. but the women are like living in Hell. Earth is different from Hell as well! OKAYY i have been to neither HEAVEN nor HELL before, so i shall cut the crap. Nonetheless, PATRIARCHAL SOCIETY. What is your problem.]

In Karakalpakstan, an autonomous region in Uzbekistan, nearly one fifth of all marriages are conducted by bride kidnapping. Activist groups in the region tie an increase in kidnappings to economic instability. Whereas weddings can be prohibitively expensive, kidnappings avoid both the cost of the ceremony and any bride price.

[Kidnap = don't need pay money? Well, don't you think that it's only right that you pay your beloved accomplices who kidnap the pretty ladies for you?]

In other models of bride kidnapping in Kyrgyzstan and other areas of Central Asia, the woman may be a complete stranger to the man prior to the abduction. Sometimes the groom and his family, rather than selecting a particular young woman to kidnap, decide on a household; that way they can still kidnap one of the sisters if the woman they desire is not home.

[So, does this link back to Economic self-interests or what? Aiming for a rich bride?]

In imperial China, a new bride performed a two to three day public song, including chanting and sobbing, that listed her woes and complaints. The bridal lament would be witnessed by members of her family and the local community.

[Seriously, What's the point. it's enough that you can't help her; you are watching her suffer. SAVE HER, can't you?]

Bride kidnapping still occurs in areas of China. In many cases, the women are kidnapped and sold to men in poorer regions of China, or as far abroad as Mongolia. Reports say that buying a kidnapped bride is nearly one tenth of the price of hosting a traditional wedding. Non-governmental organizations tie this trend of abducting brides to China's one-child policy, and the consequent gender imbalance as more male children are born than female children.

AND the above information was last modified on 17 July 2010 at 20:24.
..........................................................

I don't know what else to say about the Gender Inequality of this world. I am Speechless. @!#$%^&*()_+ terribly upset and disturbed now. Okayy, i am a Feminist afterall. It's their nations' culture and i know i should respect it. SUPPOSEDLY RESPECT IT. But i dont know why after reading the above.. I have a sudden desire of becoming a politician in those f-ing countries and stone all the men to death =/ okayy i am sorry, i sound a bit harsh.

And i realise i have been getting more and more vulgar, and.. alright, i would mind my language.

"Wa u go ajc will use wtf le ar. Haha, stress hor"

....... that sets me thinking. Actually "wtf" isn't really.. that crude and unrefined la. at least i didn't spell out the F word explicitly.. Vulgarities seem to have essentially formed part of my everyday language -.-

I wonder how decent i was in the eyes of many people in the past. Or how scandalous i am. Of course, things have changed. But some things would still remain constant. Like memories. I think i miss out too many things then. I AM AS DECENT AS I WAS IN THE PAST! :) Dont judge me by what you see, you only see what i choose to show.

He'll never fall in love
He swears, as he runs his fingers through his hair
I'm laughing 'cause I hope he's wrong
And I don't think it ever crossed his mind
He tells a joke, I fake a smile
That I know all his favorite songs

And I could tell you
His favorite color's green
He loves to argue
Born on the seventeenth

He looks around the room
Innocently overlooks the truth
Shouldn't a light go on
Doesn't he know that I've had him memorized for so long
And he sees everything black and white
Never let nobody see him cry
I don't let nobody see me wishin' he was mine

He stands there, then walks away
My God, if I could only say
I'm holding every breath for you

He'd never tell you
But he can play guitar
I think he can see through everything but my heart.

And if you ask me if I love him...
if you ask me if I love him...
I'd lie.

Was obsessed with lyrics nowadays :)

Poems for love-sick-friends =/

2010-07-23T22:05:00.000-07:00

/edited

You are fading. A good sign, no? (: said:
awesome i love you

Prussia ♪ says:
:o spambot alert

You are fading. A good sign, no? (: says:
(L)(O)(V)(E)

Prussia ♪ says:
commencing delete...

You are fading. A good sign, no? (: says:
what shit?

Prussia ♪ says:
deleting....

You are fading. A good sign, no? (: says:
-.- deleted?

Prussia ♪ says:
WTF YOU STOLE MY LINE

You are fading. A good sign, no? (: says:
hahaahhhaha

Prussia ♪ says:
D: the spambot rebels.

You are fading. A good sign, no? (: says:
omgg damn funny. okayy let's try that again
AWESOME! YY LOVES YOU!

Prussia ♪ says:
D: spambot alert #2
commencing delete...
deleting...
YY deleted.

You are fading. A good sign, no? (: says:
deleted from where!

Prussia ♪ says:
just deleted :o

hahah was thinking of not posting something emo.. OH WELL i shall TRY to blog about optimistic stuff today. -.- the above was a conversation with Ang a few weeks ago, which still amuse me up till now. okayy you may not find it amusing, but you ought to understand the fact that my life lacks entertainment yo :)

Today is Meet-the-Parents Session, as well as BPGHS 50th Anniversary. I managed to convince my parents not to go for the PTM Session xD. Was passing by BP just now.. and i sort of regret not returning to BP today. sighhs. Anyway, went Orchard with Jean today, and the following is an interesting poem dedicated to her from CF. See how good your interpretation skills are!

Title: For My Ass-loving Friend

S is for Asses
Such an apt description
He is not that bad
Just tall for a lad
and a smile like ultra-man

He needs friends to pull him
back form cars
He probably doesn’t have strength
to open a jar
I have no idea what about him
my friend likes
except I hear he has a fine ass
at water-cooler times

But sadly, the poor lad is probably in FUN
His mushroom head makes him look like a plant
I’m not saying he’s bad
I’m just saying S is for Asses
which trees don’t have

haha reminds me of the time when i first dedicated a composed poem to kayyan- that was in secondary 1, so dont laugh at my use of language (afterall it was the very first poem i had composed!):

- Yann's Story -
.: 31 August 2006 :.

Tears flowing continuously
Mind wondering tearfully
How can I be so naive?

After I had fulfilled so many deeds
You left me when I was in need
Throwing behind only the seeds
That would soon grow into useless weeds

Good friends' advices I never heed
Unable to believe that my love would fail
I was left alone for the wound to heal

Bumping into you I strangely went pale
Glancing around for a boat to sail
Hoping to get away with tail or rail
Next to me a girl would wail
Glaring at you as if you landed in jail

Great the world and wide the sky
Who can hear an obscure cry?
Full moon above hanged up bright
I am passing a sorrowful night
No one could understand
My worthless plight

HAHAHHAHA so hilarious. fortunately i saved a soft copy of it in my old thumbdrive lols. Speaking of which.. my language back then isn't that bad i guess :) reminds me of the time back in lower secondary. I miss ky and her craze over guys. She is still boy-crazy now, and every now and then on facebook i would see her photos - Kayyan the only girl with a bunch of guys. LOL okayy she is attached now though. Friends aren't that important to her anymore i guess :(

Anyway, for the past few weeks i was.. uncertain of my own.. sexuality or what you call that. i thought that i may be suffering from Unnatural Passion, which many people, after hearing that would laugh it off and think that i am kidding. It is not entirely impossible actually. Well, guess i would get over my insanity soon. Hopefully. Maybe it's just the stress of the common tests (NOO I WOULDN'T GO INTO DETAILS WITH REGARD TO MY GRADES), a rather good explanation for my weird state of mind. But if i really am one.. i don't think anyone would believe it. ha. :) doesn't matter anyway.

I AM AIMING TO BE A MUGGER! :)

Common Tests are over

2010-07-05T16:37:00.000-07:00

Was neglecting Facebook, Twitter and Blogger these few days, thanks to Tumblr (: http://shadowedcloud.tumblr.com/ wooahh the photos are downright awesome. Alright, different people have different tastes, don't criticise mine and make me go D: if you don't agree with me~ (:

For me, currently:
Blogger: crap about long events / memories.
Twitter: Short and sweet craps. Ramblings. Hidden facts.
Tumblr: steal others' pictures. Particularly pretty ones~
Facebook: socialise. AND stalking. OH WELL.
Friendster: What's my password? LOL
MSN: Awaiting unexpectancy [which i believe in, but learns not to be hopeful]

Common Tests are finally over. My results would be absolutely terrifying, that's for sure. I have confidence that i would fail everything- the teachers wouldn't be impressed or pleased at all with my creativity. I wonder how writers / authors (of novels /comics/ plays / whatever) survive, and i wonder how their brains work. I had a hard time coming up with stuff to write: not that i never study, it's just that i did selective-studying. LOL and too bad, Lady Luck doesn't like me. Well, she hasn't been liking me all along anyway since primary school.

There would be loads of "really?" "are you sure?" throughout all the examples i have provided in my essays. I was even HOPING that one of the teachers would write "thanks student , i have learnt a lot of new 'facts' i never knew from your essays." Not that i deliberately want to write so much bullshit in my essays, but you don't expect me to hand in blank pieces of work, right? I need to at least come up with some rubbish.

Dreams and Nightmares. Not surprising. I often have them, just that now they occur almost every night. Getting weirder. A Mix of Reality and Imagination. And i have been doubting my sanity- milliions thanks to a few of my classmates. -.- stressful period. I am aiming to be a MUGGER.

Saw something on Tumblr- and i don't know why I STILL look at that person's name too. But here's mine:

S - This letter symbolizes sex, charm and charisma. They love glamor and being the center of attention. Many of them end up as politicians, actors, or as professional models. Being rich means more to them than anything and an S will work hard to achieve the goal of great wealth

Y - The Y first letter symbolizes independence and freedom. Y’s are daring enterprising business people who are not afraid to take risks. They are progressive thinkers that excel at inspiring others. They are refined individuals who enjoy the good things in life. They do not have much patience for people who are poor. They are very status conscious and many Y’s marry wealthy people in life.

haha true to a certain extent? :)

Anyway, my Tumblr is titled: Fading.
Go on, continue fading.

If after Alevels, there's still not a single thread of hope
Let it ends there.

Anyway, thanks a lot : @ YinWei and HuiQing (: i would consider what you two told me - the exact same thing. Something which i have never considered before lol.

TY, MELV.

2010-06-02T00:52:00.000-07:00

edited/

Deliberately reduced the font size of my previous 2 posts :) there's no need to pay much attention to those.. distorted + emotional posts, especially when they are related to PW~ Read this post instead! :)

Alright, this shall be my first post of the month and last [common tests approaching] :) i am motivated to work harder this time. I am aiming to pass EVERYTHING, yes get it right, it's EVERYTHING. Well, i was thinking of giving up my H1 History due to lack of time.. But but my hist teachers are way too nice and seem to be even more hardworking than us students. I would be such a failed student, a disappointment and disgrace - if i don't put in as much effort as they do. I am left with 3 hist essays btw, gonna finish them by the end of this week :)

Maths lecture test on correlation and hypothesis tomorrow (or is it today; it's midnight!). Was initially thinking of not going as i was feeling unwell.. to tell the truth, i am not sure if my illness symptoms [+ uneasiness] are due to my fear of failures (again), fearful of efforts not being paid off. Sighs, but it's better to fail now and face my fears rather than to panic during alevels, right? Afterall, since i have studied for it, i shall just go.. and tear up the paper if i can't do (:

GP and ECONOMICS MUST PASS! If not my parents would nag like mad: "all the tuition fees.. ~$$~" I am only going to start my revision on Macroeconomics next week. As for GP.. Well, depends on my mood? omgg why am i talking about studies again? Anyway i seem to be in a perfectly good mood today. LOL i think i am. Or maybe not. =/

And before i forget: I want to thank a particular person. Someone whom i have never really said "thanks" to, and if i ever say "thanks" or "sorry" to him, he would be shocked / scared out of his wits, thinking that i am possessed -.-Manz, if he read this, i bet he would be damn touched.. BUT PLEASE NOTE THAT HE IS JUST A GOOD FRIEND AND NO BOYFRIEND OF MINE [I AM SINGLE] (:

MELVYN CHUA LI SHUN, you better read the following carefully and i hope you are reading this [since you are such a great stalker and loyal fan of mine xD let's see whether this assumption holds]. I sarcrifice my sleeeeep to type this so you better read every single word + letter and it would be best if you memorize it. (:

----------------------------------------------------------------------------
hello my scandalous + flirtatious + emotional + weird friend. :) Basically, I want to say that I am sorry, but thank you.

I am sorry for always.. spoiling your mood. I want to apologise for my frequent attempts at annoying you with a particular name and in fact.. seeking a sense of accomplishment out of it. lols, not forgetting the entertainment gained (at observing how your good mood "clouded"). I am sorry if.. well, you know how coolly indifferent and nonchalant i can get at times, and pardon me if i am insensitive or upset you subconsciously (: And one more thing. I am sorry if i keep certain.. significant stuff from you. If you ever hear something which you think would lead to certain complications / confusions.. you can explain to me then. :) don't worry, those are all in the past, wouldn't affect our current lives much anyway. I know you are going O.O now, DON'T THINK TOO MUCH about this, okayy?

So much crap =/ Anyway, I just wanna say that: Melv, you may not be the smartest, you may not be in Raffles J or whatever school prestigious enough (in my opinion) and is unable to outsmart me xD; you may not be perfect (err in terms of looks / height, of course); you may not have a really good temper (from the way you bickered with your parents aww). But i assure you, you are one of the few people whom i am satisfied to know, AND you rock. [yes, i always say "you suck" and other than this post here, the rest would remain as "you suck". LOL]

ohh no worries, i know what you are thinking now: "omgg what's wrong with YY? she must be in some deep trouble and need my help, that's why she is so nice to me now.." -.- I admit that i am pragmatic, but NOT that pragmatic. Sorry la, for always seem to be "making use" of you and only looking for you when problems arise. And thanks for never failing to help me most of the time :)

And you this moron better acknowledge that you have read this post. Since the tagboard is dysfunctional, you may drop me an sms. (:

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
END OF TODAY'S POST :)

I am missing you, i think. The fact of.. Having so many substitutes around doesn't help.

PW 2

2010-04-18T10:25:00.000-07:00

Another distorted + weird + annoying post

Ultimately, i still break down. Friday and Saturday- I am proud to say i never shed a single tear. As much as it seems to be.. I thought i have already accepted the fact, yet now i realise that i have not. What's the point, when the outcome cannot be changed?

I am thinking of not going for GP tuition since i am feeling unwell.. I am uncertain if I am really sick, or is it just a sign of avoidance? If so, what exactly am i avoiding?

Was chatting with ChiaHeng and i think i kept scaring him off with my emotional + weird random nonsense which makes him come up with the conclusion that I am too traumatized by my grade that i am so unlike myself these two days. Well, i managed to restrain myself from saying things like "I know i sound insane, but pardon me. No, it's not unlike me. It's just me."

my heart is drizzling! :( still hurts.
I am rather grateful though. Really. Even my teachers are so concerned about me. :) My parents don't even give a damn.

Zhiying Ang was kajiaoing me and my only response was that "my heart hurts.." and her sms is the best 'consoling' one so far. This is what the ultimate awesome noob replied: "Oh no, if a black hole disappears, will all the junk fly out? What a horrid imagery. Heck, I'm not going to say it's alright cause it's not. JUST DO MATH AND GET A FOR IT."

My heart isn't that much of a black hole afterall. =/ I would be lying if i say i am perfectly fine. BUT I WILL AND MUST GET OVER IT SOON. Just.. give me some time?

Did some reflections these two days. Everyone seems to be blaming the school for their grades. I am surprised that i am not one of them. If some of my friends can get A, it means that the problem should supposedly lie in the students themselves. And since the majority get B, it means that something should be wrong with me and my group members since we can't even be the average ones. Perhaps.. practically speaking, we just.. did not work hard enough? I don't know.

I was still wondering why so many people (those not from my school) know how i score, wondering why the news spread so fast. It just dawned on me that i posted my grade up on facebook announcing to the entire world myself -.-

Sorry for all the mistakes in this post. Not in the mood to organise / rephrase/ correct my usage of grammar/ vocabulary.

我会试著努力坚强着. damn it, at this point of time, even my chinese.. cannot make it.

PW. out.

2010-04-16T18:02:00.000-07:00

I am in a weird-er state of mind currently. My mind isn't working, and I kept sending ambiguous smses to people. I think I am going crazy. I don't feel like doing anything now, I don't want to think about anything now. This is going to be a distorted and messy post, so bear with it. It is supposed to reflect the feelings / stress / emotions / insanity I am undergoing at this point of time. Away you may go if you don't want your good mood to be spoiled by my emotional post lol.

Yes I have reached home. Yes, again, I never go for CCA. Yes, despite the fact that my CCA attendance for last term didn't even hit 75%. Forgive me, I am really not in the mood for CCA. Not that I need time to calm down; but I think I shouldn't go for cca at this point of time.

I was expecting it, yet I didn't expect it. As in, I don't have the confidence, but I was convinced by many people that the results which I feared would never ever be my grade. What a joke. Seriously. How could I not trust my own instincts? Feel like it's back to the “ohh-well-believe-it-or-not-it's-your-choice-but-i-really-failed-promos-and-i-am-down-for-the-retests” days. Ohh cool. So cool. Fabulous.

My entire project work group got C, except for SP who got a B. Vernon and I were surprisingly calm and controlled, trying our best to.. make it seems as if it doesn't hurt that much. QQ was the one who seemed most out of control; she really looked crazy lol and it sort of.. unsettles my initial calmness. SF is just being.. giving the siianned look. Obviously, the 4 of us are disappointed, and I tell you, this is a very sensitive period. I am sorry if some people's good intentions have been mistaken by us.. but. Please be more cautious and sensitive with your words? Because from our perspectives, those words will not annoy us, but in fact will hurt us. Hurt is actually worse than annoyance.

I was telling them SF QQ Ver things like: “aiya people, actually it's okayy. Think positively! This C would motivate us to work much harder for our other H2 subjects which are more crucial!” And it happened that Miss Lim was just next to us. Miss Lim was so impressed by my words and patted my back and said things like “yes that should be the way”, and what I am not only more motivated, “but is also a fighter”.

Seriously, when she said I am a “fighter”, I feel like.. breaking down finally. I am not a fighter; I know I am not. I never was. I only know how to control my mouth and facial expressions, but not my brains and heart. I don't know why I kept smiling and appearing like it's no big deal it doesn't hurt it doesn't matter it's just a pathetic PW which I don't really give a damn. Kind of tired of doing that just now. I wish I am courageous enough like QQ to just go insane and express out all agitation instead of bottling them up. I feel so fake, telling everyone (except for some) that I am okayy I expected it I'm perfectly fine don't worry about me and suddenly switched the topic away by telling them random things like “ ohh I just realise that Green Tea of Pokka Brand is nicer than that of Yeos brand”. Don't know why i don't want to let people (again, except for some) know how i really feel. Maybe it's that sense of feeling inferior, since most of them score higher than me.

So here I am, tweeting and blogging, since only a few people know the existence of this blog and I only allowed certain people to follow my tweets. Afterall, I need an avenue to let out my frustration, but I certainly don't want everyone to know about these.

So tired. I am not the only one who gets that grade, but I feel like I'm alone. I mean.. i feel the mutual understanding and feeling when i was with SF and Ver. Even though they never explicitly expressed out in words, i can sense them making attempts as hard as me to not aggravate each other's pain and they are trying hard not to look sad. QQ and SF were thinking of appealing.. But I guess me and Ver would not. We have already.. accepted it. There's nothing we can do anyway. And I don't want to be disappointed again. If this is my chinese language grade, I would not hesitate to appeal though haha.

Anyway, thanks to those who went to the board and checked out my grade and called / smsed me to see if I am still alive. I am currently at home, not at the swimming pool / by the road / on top of the building. Drowning + Jumping building + Car Accident are not my ideal ways of committing suicide, for your information. LOL and the battle isn't even half-way fought yet, in my opinion. But thanks a lot for the concerns; Don't worry too much about me. I will get over it soon.

Also, cheer up my dearest groupmates. Wouldn't forget those times, regardless of the number of conflicts we had and me kept having to be the middleman (middlewoman in fact LOL). It hurts a lot, I know. We are experiencing the similar feeling. You know I understand, and only we will understand that. Let's move on, shall we? :)

It looks like it's going to rain soon. The sky is so dark!

I think my cca begins already. And speaking of harmoc, some weird people asked me to help him check out his grade yet don't tell him what he gets LOL too bad I forgot that I wasn't supposed to inform him of his grade and i spoiled his suspense / tension. And I am extremely sorry to p.s my pianicas again today.. Enjoy harmoc-ing, harmoc people!

I am still not very okayy. Damn. blogging + tweeting don't seem to be effective at this point of time..

Well, For Once. Finally.

2010-03-30T17:56:00.000-07:00

Can't imagine that I haven't been blogging lately. What an accomplishment! Well, I didn't do much more work anyway; I merely slept more :) sleeping is good for health! But too much of it makes you feel more exhausted than before. Have been tweeting quite a lot these days too, so much so that I neglected my blog again. And good news: MY FACEBOOK IS BACK! Geez, back to STALKING people again. I am not a stalker okayy, I am just a well-informed person who is curious about certain.. ermm news, which I have been informed about. :) I am just trying to learn something new + interesting + hilarious, believe it or not it's your choice.

Today is an E-learning day. Elearning days are painful, in my opinion. MORE WORK! True, despite the workload, we are able to turn in later and wake later, but with such a.. well, should I say, vibrant and active (in frank terms, noisy) family members of mine, I doubt you can even sleep till 9am+ in the morning. Worse still, try picturing an image where your snobbish (okayy, not really snobbish but bad-tempered) little sister bickering with your parents at 6am in the morning before she slammed the door and headed for school. What a wonderful morning to begin with!

Maths is driving me crazy. Literature is still acceptable; so far I still manage to crap my way through [I have not finished reading the novels / texts yet]. I can't find the motivation to touch my h1 history notes. Have been continuously staring blankly at my awesome economics lecture notes, with absolutely nothing going inside my head. Attending GP tuition lessons every Sunday at Petir and still going for Music Lesson every Monday.

Right, a typical student's life. Let's put studies aside and talk about something else. Ha, right, something else. Immediately, I thought of you. Subconsciously? Ohh well, you can be said to be associated with studies too, can't you? It's just my luck that I keep seeing you recently. Well, I should have expected / noticed that long/ years ago, but the frequency only gets higher this year. =/ You may think whatever you like; I will never know and you most probably would not tell me anyway.

Actually, I don't think my existence affects / matters to you, so what's the point. But sometimes I think you make it seem as if it does. You are so contradictory, just like me. And this contradictory trait is my only fatal flaw, but in your case it's different. Perhaps you only contradict with regard to your actions toward me. It's really getting on my nerves. You make it seem as if we are not even friends, not even the hi-bye type. How ironic can it be when your friends (whom I am not really close with since i have known them years much later than i have known you) never fail to acknowledge my presence, while you, on the other hand, possess the “inability to sense my presence” when you are actually facing me and I am just less than 1 metre away from you? You are certainly not blind and not that unobservant, while I am certainly not that short to be seen. Isn't it obvious that you.. are you trying to be funny? Better still, you can look directly at me and even wave to me twice the next day when I have decided to ignore you for good. Makes me at a loss of how to react.

I don't understand. Maybe I am reading too much into it, but I can't help wondering why you can never appear to be constant. I always say that the “never-ending last day is finally approaching..”, yet the trivial but incredible things you do always make me withdraw my decisions at the crucial moment. That's the reason why I am still.. slightly concerned and friendly toward you up till now.

Perhaps my maternal uncle is right to a certain extent [to account for my grades]- I did/do have some distractions. It's just the magnitude of them. Haha, an excellent excuse for my low intelligence and laziness (: Studies are my priority, that's what you always believe, right? I will not be surprised if you are one of those who insist that my heart is just a black hole.

Sighs, so many things happened lately, and of course I would not have the time to blog about everything. TIME IS PRECIOUS! And the fact that I am here rambling about senseless stuff is an indication of how much self-discipline I have. My time management sucks, and you can't cure / improve it no matter how mentors you send to monitor me. Aww, I have a mentor in school to track my progress; I have my parents poking their noses into my every action at home, and I have my new godparents to express their concerns about me. Not forgetting my relatives who are interested in how I am coping so far. =/ Yes, I know I am being loved.. but it's overwhelming. lol

And I wonder why every night when I am finally done with my stuff and preparing to go offline, I always ended up waiting. WAITING FOR NOTHING. I don't know why, but I have a sense of uneasiness, and need to wait for something expected yet unexpected to happen. =/ Sign of madness / paranoia , no?

I am still SANE I am still SANE I am still SANE I am still SANE I am still SANE I am still SANE

Happy Bunnies

2010-02-07T19:45:00.000-08:00

YAYS here comes my favourite animal~
.
..
...
....
.....
......

Whooshh! Credits to
http://boards.sonypictures.com/spiderman/showthread.php?t=20555

As i have said, Bunnies are always adorable :)

Sick

2010-02-06T14:19:00.000-08:00

I am amazed that I am actually blogging now. MY THROAT STILL HURTS =/ Thankfully my fever has subsided since yesterday. Requested to leave school earlier on Wednesday [in other words, i didn't go for PE lesson nor did i go for CCA], and i realised how troublesome it is to gain permission for leaving college earlier. Well, i had to see the Vice-Principal, and fill in some form and questions Yawns. By the time i reached the Clinic, the doctor announced that I was having a fever.

For your information, when i measured my own temperature in school, I DID NOT HAVE A FEVER. My temperature can't be any normal or lower. =.= seems like the journey from Yio Chu Kang back to Choa Chu Kang wasn't an easy one.

Missed College CIP on thursday.
Missed CNY rehearsal on Friday.
Sighs. And i am not feeling any better. Okayy perhaps slightly better. Can't afford to be so weak, i still have plenty of things undone.

I am rather touched at the concerns :)

Ang: "Sleeping is good! Sleep~"
YY: "I lost my voice! :("
Ang: "Nevermind, be quiet for once"
YY: "I always am quiet and decent"
Ang: "o.o LIESSSSS"

An unconventional form of concern. LOLS

ohh and I am so sorry about the disfunctional tagboard. Just leave it as it is (:

Cow

2010-01-25T23:10:00.000-08:00

Edited/

Another evidence of my classmates' noobness.

Xuemei [the cow] was supposedly doing her stuff [homework] using the library comp. However, i spotted them (as in xm, cherlyn, WanTing and Greenie ang) typing the following:

I am a cow. I eat grass. I repay the grass by providing fertilizer :D I mooooo.~!

People hate me because I give out 24% methane gas so they eat me in restaurants. ):

But I’m happy because one slice of me costs $$$$$$ and makes me feel so worth it. :D

I lose my direction easily, but its okay because I just have to follow the herd all the time.

But I think I taste good. I can be a piece of steak. I can be a hamburger. I have many “career paths”! :D

But personally, I prefer to take the steak path, because it makes me more posh and raises my value. (:

I hate to give out those gases, but it’s not up to me to decide. ):

I have a good friend, my best friend, and she’s a BIIIIRRRRRDDD. (called wanting)

But because of me, she always can’t fly with the other BIIIIRRRRDDSS in the sky. ):

I provide milk too! Cheese and yoghurt and fresh milk… ALL FROM MEEEE I AM SO AWEESOMEEE!

Without me, your children would all have brittle bone disease.

I am black and white, so I cannot take colourful photos.

I study with a herd of cows in AJC too, and they all look like me! (you know who I mean) :D

Despite that I think I look the best. My black and white spots are JUST BETTTTERRRRRR. (And I got smoooooooootherrr fur too!!)

People call me a motherly cow, so I suppose I am M-O-T-H-E-R-L-Y.

I AM YOUR MOoooooooTHER :D

I’m typing this now..with my hooves, interesting….

Signing off,

Ms Motherly Cow (probably the best and harmless cow ever)

MOOOOOOOOOOOO~~

Black hole and heartless?!

2010-01-25T23:04:00.000-08:00

(10:52 PM) supeng: stop LOLing at my plight la cant you try to act sympathetic fer once???

(10:52 PM) Prussia ♥: ;D cannot my acting skills suck

(10:52 PM) supeng: thats why i said try theres no apparent effort!!!

(10:53 PM) supeng: LOL i know cos its me thats why la huh

(10:53 PM) Prussia ♥: if i tried i'd just seem mocking that's even worse so

(10:53 PM) Prussia ♥: too bad LOL

(10:56 PM) supeng: heartless woman like yunying

(10:56 PM) supeng: oh no she has a heart today cos she let me off fer the lit presentation :D

(10:57 PM) Prussia ♥: LOL she has a black hole for a heart!

(10:59 PM) supeng: black hole is better than no heart! (:

(10:59 PM) Prussia ♥: not really a black hole sucks everything in

(11:00 PM) Prussia ♥: so it's like FULL OF JUNKKK

My two sweet friends in 3509. LOLS.

"ZY"s are Lame

2010-01-25T00:38:00.000-08:00

Another encounter with a noob. I realise that all noobs have initals "zy". The previous post is on GZY, now this is about AZY. Her comments on my conversation with GZY:

Prussia ♥ said:
are you trying to compete to see who is more lame
........

Prussia ♥ said:
=.=
you has leveled up in noobness
congrats

Like LOL? My noob-ness is due to her influence XD

Lame Competition with a goat

2010-01-25T00:31:00.000-08:00

I am editing my blog now again! :D I wanted to post more stuff just now, but don't know what to talk about since mostly are already on twitter. HAHA but thanks to Goh Zheng Yang who is appearing offline currently, I have something to share.

Zheng Yang: perseverance says:
u so lame
tmr nid to wke up early still meddling with blog

YY is awesome as well! (: I AM NOT USING THE IRONY TECHNIQUE MISS AZY! D: says:
...
how u know i meddling with blogs..

Zheng Yang: perseverance says:
i am psychic.

YY is awesome as well! (: I AM NOT USING THE IRONY TECHNIQUE MISS AZY! D: says:
you super lame

Zheng Yang: perseverance says:
ok i cant walk

YY is awesome as well! (: I AM NOT USING THE IRONY TECHNIQUE MISS AZY! D: says:
D; but u can run

Zheng Yang: perseverance says:
u damn lame

YY is awesome as well! (: I AM NOT USING THE IRONY TECHNIQUE MISS AZY! D: says:
D: i tell u i can walk

Zheng Yang: perseverance says:
lol

YY is awesome as well! (: I AM NOT USING THE IRONY TECHNIQUE MISS AZY! D: says:
anyw i just edited it

Zheng Yang: perseverance says:
lame
go erad mine

YY is awesome as well! (: I AM NOT USING THE IRONY TECHNIQUE MISS AZY! D: says:
erad urs? xD
new word!

Zheng Yang: perseverance says:
yeah

YY is awesome as well! (: I AM NOT USING THE IRONY TECHNIQUE MISS AZY! D: says:
let me improve my gp
what it means?

Please vote and state who is lamer. This is a "Lame Competition". Yawns this conversation has nothing much actually, just some entertainment, so please don't say i am invading your privacy, Mr Goh. :)

Anyway, sidetrack a bit. Yes, you may wonder why i suddenly decide to protect my twitter account/tweets. I realise that too many people are on Twitter. And i ramble/wail/leak out a lot of things on twitter. So yea, some things are not meant to be shared you know. Especially not when it concerns that person in particular =/

Ohh and before i forget, GZY, don't frown :) :) this is meant to be an entertainment for youuuuu D:

Hidden

2010-01-24T01:04:00.000-08:00

I have just decided to protect my tweets.

the lonely worm

2010-01-23T22:51:00.000-08:00

edited/

I have noob-like/weird/unique friends in my class. :)

That day during recess, Cherlyn said, "You know.. my dad bought dragonfruits [or is it jackfruits.. well i can't remember] last time.. and we found a long worm in one of it. My dad got so irritated that he threw all away.."

Natural reactions should be " AWW EEEYER YUCKS WHY ARE THERE WORMS?" Yeaa indeed, me and supeng, being perfectly normal individuals obviously went "YIKES!"

Ang Zhi Ying the noob replied, "Only one worm? A worm in one of it?"

Cherlyn replied, " yea! only one worm!"

Me and Supeng were like "one worm only, yet he threw all away.. it's really a waste lei. and eeww why got worms one!"

While Ang Zhi Ying just sighed and commented,
.
..
...
....
.....
......
" aww, what a lonely worm."

Like, that's not the point. -.-

Video. Money

2010-01-17T21:36:00.000-08:00

I think the melody is super nice.
this is a rather old show though.

But still.. It reminds me.

I AM PROMOTED

2010-01-16T01:13:00.000-08:00

I AM BACK! Like.. finally (:

For the Retests, i got a D for Economics and a C for Mathematics. I have no idea why i still get a D for Econs since i studied so hard, but i am glad i am promoted. Some friends of mine are not that fortunate though.. But everyone has gotten over it and is brave enough to move on, I guess. I will certainly miss them.

I want to express my gratitude to many many people [yes, only a minority will get to read this though]. Thank you for your support and guidance all along. I am delighted that i survive the tough months, and thanks for all your concerns. I haven't really had a good sleep for days; before the release of the results [because of anxiety], as well as after the release of results [need to chiong homework LOL].

Anyway, me and my retest friends each received a small piece of paper yesterday.

"Dear XXX, You are required to attend a short briefing on 15th Jan 2010 after morning assembly at LT 5. The purpose of this briefing is to introduce to you measures on how to improve your study habits. The duration is about 10 to 15 minutes. Attendance is compulsory."

I have no idea why me and Supeng burst out in laughter once we read this and found it hilarious. I think we didn't really find it amusing, it's more like.. we are feeling fortunate and relieved that efforts have been paid off. LOL and i have to admit my study habits aren't desirable LOL but still.. Talks on study habits/stress management/or whatever never really help us since secondary schools. :)

I am feeling ill currently, i guess this is an indication that i am finally feeling at ease. I haven't been feeling well since the days after promos.. and held on till after the retests. Now i finally can afford to be sick. Life is miserable lol, but i think it will get better, tomorrow will be better!

ERM. "Tomorrow will be better." I wonder which moron came up with this. This is not entirely true, as everytime when i look back, i always realise that my yesterday is better than today. Nevertheless, i am glad i survive each day, and still pin on to the hope that "tomorrow will be better". DOTS
---------------------------------------------------------

Ohh yea, and i am changing the tagboard soon.. Gonna create a new one since Jeanette and Joyce are complaining that they couldn't tag. :) Perhaps a change of blogskin too! xD HQ!

Just a quote from "Oranges are not the only fruit";
People do go back, but they don't survive,
because two realities are claiming them at the same time.

i can't accept, and wouldn't accept.

2010-01-07T20:17:00.000-08:00

I wanted to blog after the retests.

.................
But..

I don't know.

Encounter.

2009-11-28T18:34:00.000-08:00

Was thinking of changing blogskins again!
.
..
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.....
......

It was indeed a surprise. Pleasant or not, i am not sure. Too sudden, too unexpected. My reaction was.. not up to my own expectations. Sickened. Perhaps Jeanette and many others were right. =/ wonder why i will have such uncertain and mixed feelings about it. My mood was totally affected by this same incident for the entire today.

Anyway, going to mug soon~

Seriously, i hope it will really be over soon.
:)
I have confidence in myself with regard to it

AURORA

2009-11-27T15:47:00.000-08:00

Found some Aurora Images on Goggle! HAHA the Disney Princess Aurora is also as elegant :) the pictures are super nice right. However.. Real experiences will be better than viewing the images from a lifeless technological device, agree?

...

....

.....

......

Presenting to you the Disney Princess Aurora [Sleeping Beauty]

I am so delighted that i finally found the blue-dressed Aurora (:

Last but not least, some song lyrics:

平凡却又深刻.

Insane. Back Soon.

2009-11-05T23:11:00.000-08:00

I shall let the pictures doing the talkings today. I lost my voice and can't talk anyway LOL. Anyway, check out my twitter for updates yeaa (:

The above two are actually meant for.. two of my good friends. LOL.
CHEER UP PEOPLE. I feel no better anyway, being stuck in the middle yawns.

Seriously, i enjoy playing on the words "Nothing" and "Forever" these two days. Really wonder why

Last but not least..

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City Hall Mrt Station

2009-10-31T22:29:00.000-07:00

I posted a very very very long post just minutes ago and it freakingly vanished and cannot be found ohh man this is so stupid and i am sure you can sense my agitation through my words here without any punctuations or how you spell that and I can't bother to correct my sentence structure now nor do I want to rewrite that post again

Yawns, theory is over, dont mention disappointing stuff.
As i have said, i dont want rewrite the disappeared post again.
.
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I HAVE NO IDEA WHY CITY HALL MRT STATION REMINDS ME OF YOU. THIS IS DOWNRIGHT HILARIOUS, AS WELL AS IRRITATING. I strongly detest the fact that i was actually smiling to myself while recalling some random events. Seriously, if even escalators can remind me of you, you can be said to be ominpresent. And the more often i think of you, the stronger my omnious feeling that i will suffer terribly..

Anyway, i have an announcement to make: I have a godmother and godsister now (:
Off to chiong I&R and perhaps.. Read a bit of Chinese? lol

Ponning School for Music

2009-10-29T14:34:00.000-07:00

I am refraining from mentioning the name of my JC anywhere in my posts. My friends suspect that the school tracks down our blogs =.=

See la, blogs are unsafe. In spite of me not mentioning anything terrible about the school, i still dont like the fact that people of authority are reading my posts. Don't like them to grade on my immaturity too.

I do till theory till wanna die already.
Didn't go school today, feeling rather guilty now. However, i did inform my Chinese Teacher and PD tutor that I am not going school today. I know they are not happy about it.. But i really need a day for Music Theory Revision and Consultation. I am grateful towards them for letting me off today, but i still require a Parents' Letter.

Daddie didnt know i ponned [pon means no permission right, but i do have permission! D:] school today, but Mum does. I shall inform him when he gets home ba. And in order to prevent a traditional-minded him from getting agitated at my obstinate and over-independent decision without his approval, i shall be a good girl today. Going to act diligent and tell him with a serious and sincere attitude that i wish to score well for theory, and maintain my distinction for it, just like in the past.

However the truth is.. I just hope to get a Merit this time LoL. Afterall, i haven't touched Music for more than 3 years until this year. I finally realise that Catching up isn't as easy as it initially seems to be.

The paper is 3 hours long on Saturday. Yawns i have been doing practice papers and reading/memorising Italian+French+German terms since morning. Currently, I am online to see what i can do for PW I&R as i am sick of staring at Black&White stuff for the past few hours.

ROARS MUSIC, YOU ARE DRIVING ME CRAZY, JUST LIKE PROMOS.

at where [your] heart is only got black hole

2009-10-28T23:20:00.000-07:00

Conversation with Greenie the Pro-noob on 18/10/2009
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..
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My Estimations failed. i seriously don't like PW
yucks!

Squalo ♥
don't insult my pokemon can

My Estimations failed. i seriously don't like PW
noo im not insulting!
im speaking from the bottom of my pure heart.

Squalo ♥
i find hello kittys disturbing la

My Estimations failed. i seriously don't like PW
same -.-

Squalo ♥
what heart?

My Estimations failed. i seriously don't like PW
my heart =.=

Squalo ♥
got meh

My Estimations failed. i seriously don't like PW
my pumping heart

Squalo ♥
don't lie

My Estimations failed. i seriously don't like PW
what?

Squalo ♥
you has no heart

My Estimations failed. i seriously don't like PW
okay so i unfeeling la!?

My Estimations failed. i seriously don't like PW
okay. not from my heart, from my brain.

Squalo ♥
at where you heart is only got black hole

My Estimations failed. i seriously don't like PW
D:

Squalo ♥
:D
black holes are good
a mass of gravity
light can't win them

My Estimations failed. i seriously don't like PW
AWWWW
so i m superior as compared to youuu! :D

Squalo ♥
even light cannot escape from a black hole lors
no la, you has no heart
zombie

My Estimations failed. i seriously don't like PW
yawns
so now i am a zombie
got watch twilight?

Squalo ♥
My Estimations failed. i seriously don't like PW
..................
................................

hhehhe okayy so i managed to piss her off again, this girl doesnt really like Twilight :D yawns and the conversation continued on the next day:

19/10/2009

Squalo ♥
hello person with a black hole for a heart

My Estimations failed. i seriously don't like PW
WTH i tell you......... [ranting to her about some things]

Squalo ♥
LOL
ok, rant all you want, won't remember what you said
just smile freakingly at annoying people!
like this:
Handwritten instant messages cannot be displayed in your message history.
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.

My Estimations failed. i seriously don't like PW
sickening la
can't stand it
i'm feeling better
thanks yeaa :D

Squalo ♥
so easily feel better
must be a black hole

My Estimations failed. i seriously don't like PW
your heart got a red hole
no, green. [because she likes green colour]
no cannot.
green stands for jealousy

Squalo ♥
no lor my heart normal unlike yours
D:

My Estimations failed. PW WHY ARE YOU BEING SUCH A PAIN
awwwww
black hole
cannot
think of a better colour?

Squalo ♥
D:
b-but black holes are black!
cause no light can escape@

My Estimations failed. PW WHY ARE YOU BEING SUCH A PAIN
what is the significance of light?
o.o

Squalo ♥
?
you know, the black holes in space..

My Estimations failed. PW WHY ARE YOU BEING SUCH A PAIN
yepp
i mean the light..
the light passing through my heart
whats that

Squalo ♥
i got say that mehs
me is confused

My Estimations failed. PW WHY ARE YOU BEING SUCH A PAIN
you say no light can escape
what light you referring to in my heart
D:

Squalo ♥
that's why it's a black hole :D

My Estimations failed. PW WHY ARE YOU BEING SUCH A PAIN
................

Squalo ♥
:D

My Estimations failed. PW WHY ARE YOU BEING SUCH A PAIN
alright T.T
heyy i tell youu
i today went to buy chocs!
:D
like finally!

Squalo ♥
am i supposed to be like, amazed?

Squalo ♥
WOW, YOU BOUGHT CHOCOLATES OH WOW

My Estimations failed. PW WHY ARE YOU BEING SUCH A PAIN
noo you are supposed to be more dramatic?

Squalo ♥
D: drama is no good lor

My Estimations failed. PW WHY ARE YOU BEING SUCH A PAIN
" AWWW WHY YOU BUY CHOC! HOW I LONG TO HAVE SOME AWWWW"

Squalo ♥
=/

-----------------------------------------
LOL end of entertainment :) i promise to blog in good mood. but why everyone says i am heartless.. =/oh no the funnier stuff are right behind..

Squalo ♥
i played badminton till i think i dislocated my shoulder can
D:
then after that my shoulder pain then my friend forced me to play on saturday!
then on sunday whole body aching LOLL
then today play again
feels terrible
D:

My Estimations failed. PW WHY ARE YOU BEING SUCH A PAIN
tmrr help you massage!
dont be sad, ENDURE
i will get to see you tmrr!
dont worry i will be there!
think of me while you sleep tonight
and it wouldnt hurt that much anymore

Squalo ♥
... LOL
LATER GET NIGHTMARE
WORST

My Estimations failed. PW WHY ARE YOU BEING SUCH A PAIN
HEYYY
i know you are in denial
self denial
yawns
you appear to be open-hearted on the surface
but when it comes to real emotions
you are super shy
:D

Squalo ♥
w-what?!

My Estimations failed. PW WHY ARE YOU BEING SUCH A PAIN
OMG
i cant imagine me saying such.. m-mushy words
HAHHAHAAHHA

Squalo ♥
ya lor so shameless! tsktsk

My Estimations failed. PW WHY ARE YOU BEING SUCH A PAIN
learnt that skill from you =/

Squalo ♥
D: whut, saying me shameless!

My Estimations failed. PW WHY ARE YOU BEING SUCH A PAIN
D: aww are you not?

Squalo ♥
:D where got?

My Estimations failed. PW WHY ARE YOU BEING SUCH A PAIN
aww come on
stop living in self denial!
:D:D:D

Squalo ♥
:D what, i don't deny myself!
i am awesome, and i know it! :D

My Estimations failed; It is not only pathetic, it is unhealthy.
yes you are indeed awesome
as amazing as your witch
:D:D

Squalo ♥
OMG WHAT MY WITCH
I HAS NO WITCHES
D:

My Estimations failed; It is not only pathetic, it is unhealthy. PW WHY ARE YOU BEING SUCH A PAIN
bitches then

Squalo ♥
I HAS NO BITCHES EITHER

My Estimations failed; It is not only pathetic, it is unhealthy. PW WHY ARE YOU BEING SUCH A PAIN
dogs then

Squalo ♥
D:
i like dogs, but i don't think i like the one you are thinking of

HAHAHA! okayy end of today's post. Will not be blogging until after next week i guess.

Tell me what to do.

2009-10-21T15:23:00.000-07:00

I cannot make it.
Nothing hurts more than this time. Really. I know you know that results matter most to me, much more than other things like relationships with family/friends/bgr.

I really cannot make it.
My "cannot make it" refers to pass. I dislike the fact that when i told people I score badly, they refuse to believe it. I am not like some people who already score good reasonable grades and still dissatisfied and insist on saying that they have done terribly. I am certainly not that kind of person, so you can trust every word i say.
--------------------------------------------------
They are really really nice people. I really wish that i have the opportunity to continue interacting with them, learning together with them. Please give me the chance to. "They", refers to not only my 3509 classmates, but also ex-classmates (I don't want to get retained and lag behind them), as well as classmates from other classes (History Lesson) such as Angeline, Li Shi.. as well as friends like YinWei.

I STILL DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY I FAIL ECONOMICS TILL SO BADLY. I admit that i didn't work hard enough for MATHEMATICS. My Literature was a surprise. Really really pains me. General Paper also. History.. Well I can't really say that I put in ultimate effort for it, so serve me right. Chinese is pointless, they say. Too bad for me.

Alevels Project Work and Chinese Language Paper in November 2009. My Music Theory Exam is on 31st October 2009. Where to get my mood for these from? I don't see the point in continuting to chiong PW seriously.

EDITED HERE

Updates - Events after Promos

2009-10-18T20:53:00.000-07:00

/edited

just some updates.
Music Theory Examination: 31 October 2009 at 1400H.
Chinese and PW in November.
Promos grades releasing on 21 October 2009.

Make a guess on what i am doing now? Going blogskins.com, where i have not been to for a long time. Also, i am browsing through all my previous blogs now.. shall post more later :D

SOMEBODY HACKED MY FACEBOOK ACCOUNT!!

2009-10-12T15:12:00.000-07:00

SOMEBODY HACKED MY FACEBOOK ACCOUNT!!

OHH MAN I AM SO IRRITATED

I AM GOING TO LET HIM/HER SEE BLOOD IF I CATCH THEM

I PROMISE TO STUDY

2009-09-25T17:12:00.000-07:00

PROMOTIONAL EXAMINATIONS.

Not going Facebook
Not coming online unneccessarily.
Not going to reply smses until after 12am each night.

Can only afford an at most 1 hour afternoon nap each day.
Cannot be distracted so easily.

103 days have passed.

2009-09-12T22:06:00.000-07:00

Today is the One hundredth and third day. Also kayyan and her current boyfriend's 102nd day, if i am not wrong. =/

Can you imagine kayyan and Junhao this couple celebrating their 100th day?.......... I mean, there's nothing wrong with couples celebrating anniversary. But it's better not to choose to celebrate 100th day la, though the number sounds very nice and perfect.

Wednesday's 100th day, there was nothing much to say about it actually. I don't know how to gauge the speed of time. Time seems to pass by really quickly, it has been almost a year and promos are approaching. However, up till now, only 103 days have passed, yet it seems that she has been gone for almost a year.
.
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I shall stop blogging about unpleasant things; Shall lighten up your day instead :D

The elegant lady here has decided not to allow weirdos in and out of her house. From now on, she is going to charge each human being $1 per hour if they want to visit her place. This is to prevent some people from treating my place like an enjoyable free hotel stay (okayy the only difference is you don't get to sleep here).

:)
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Congrats to BPGHS - 2008 Olevels results (cohort) is rather impressive. I am quite disappointed in myself for being below average, even pulling down my peers' grades by a bit D: feeling really guilty now for not studying hard enough back then.

Au Revoir~
Off to do ECONOMICS homework. September holidays are short. Even shorter than me WTH.

I've never had a dream come true

2009-08-30T14:10:00.000-07:00

looking forward to the coming breaks,
but not to the performance on Monday.

Shall not wail about the current plight i am in.

----------------------------------------------------

Everybody's got something they had to leave behind
One regret from yesterday that just seems to grow with time
There's no use looking back or wondering
How it could be now or might have been
Oh this I know but still I can't find ways to let you know

I never found the words to say
You're the one I think about each day
And I know no matter where life takes me to
A part of me will always be with you

Somewhere in my memory
I've lost all sense of time
And so my road can never be cos yesterday is all that fills my mind
There's no use looking back or wondering
How it could be now or might have been
Oh this I know but still I can't find ways to let you go

You'll always be the dream that fills my head
Yes you will, say you will, you know you will
Oh baby, you'll always be the one I know I'll never forget
There's no use looking back or wondering
Because love is a strange and funny thing
No matter how I try and try I just can't say goodbye
No no no no

I've never had a dream come true
Till the day that I found you
Even though I pretend that I've moved on
You'll always be my baby
I never found the words to say (words to say)
You're the one I think about each day
And I know no matter where life takes me to
A part of me will always be
A part of me will always be with you
　

call yourself a friend.

2009-08-19T20:00:00.000-07:00

Why force me.

Enlightened?!

2009-08-15T22:59:00.000-07:00

I FINALLY CAN OPEN THIS BLOGGER PAGE

Life is getting more and more complicated for me recently.
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Nonetheless, it's only 6 weeks down to promotional examinations, and i shall not care too much about those irrelevant stuff (which matter to me of course LoL). I must work harder and i am going to sarcrifice as many things as i am capable of in order to prevent myself from getting retained. :(

wish me all the best. :)

Doublethinking

2009-08-11T19:01:00.000-07:00

Was attending Literature remedial today, and came across something really interesting. (: rather relevant to my life in fact, or the current state i am in.

The power of holding two contradictory beliefs in one's mind simultaneously, and accepting both of them....To tell deliberate lies while genuinely believing in them, to forget any fact that has become inconvenient, and then, when it becomes necessary again, to draw it back from oblivion for just so long as it is needed, to deny the existence of objective reality and all the while to take account of the reality which one denies — all this is indispensably necessary. Even in using the word doublethink it is necessary to exercise doublethink. For by using the word one admits that one is tampering with reality; by a fresh act of doublethink one erases this knowledge; and so on indefinitely, with the lie always one leap ahead of the truth.

Doublethink is the act of simultaneously accepting as correct two mutually contradictory beliefs. It is related to, but distinct from, hypocrisy and neutrality. Doublethink is an integral concept of George Orwell's dystopian novel Nineteen Eighty-Four.

:)

Numb

2009-08-07T15:39:00.000-07:00

请告诉她我不爱她
笑着难过自我惩罚
想终止这一切挣扎
横了心说真心谎话

别告诉她我还想她
恨总比爱容易放下
当泪水堵住了胸口
就让沉默代替所有回答

Just reached home =/
Going to shower soon.

I am trying to find my source of motivation, and i must get through JC1 this year. Every other thing doesn't matter that much to me currently. Okay, except for a few aspects, but only to a certain extent.

I am turning numb.

Impression changed. In studies.

2009-08-01T22:15:00.000-07:00

[edited/]

Never heard of me being so harsh on someone before?
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Inital encounter with Real witches.
Witch and Bitch rhyme.
Highly irritated.

WTWPB. Damnn.
I am still the decent girl i used to be, nonetheless.

Blood

2009-07-24T22:32:00.000-07:00

I just don’t comprehend this complicated world. Sometimes, I imagine myself finally grasping some knowledge of my life, but in the end I realise that I know nothing at all. I am trying not to think too much; I must not lose my sense of identity. I need to remember who I am.

I am not a self-centered person, I am sure you know that. I am actually not unfeeling, not insensitive, and not fake. I am just a mindless creature, who dares to spit out my judgments without thinking of the consequences. Especially when I believe this particular phrase “Blood is thicker than water”.

Yes, the phrase which we have so often heard of - Blood is thicker than water. Yet you must understand that there are different kinds of blood in the human race. Different Preferences and Tastes for blood. Do you know that Blood may not neccessary be the best liquid to be possessed by every single human being?

I have a lack of blood in my body.
I need blood.
Help me find a way to get more blood- not from donation.
I am not insisting on pure and clean blood.

However, I am not like some people who prefer getting more donated grimy blood when there are in fact sufficient pure and clean ones already existing in their body. Sigh; perhaps it’s the faults of our traditional chinese ancestors who implemented and introduced so many interesting discriminatory laws into our prejudiced society. I shall not go on; just in case you think that I am really The REAL Cold One [vampire].

Alright, actually I also don’t know what I am talking about in the above LoL! End of that “critical analysis” on Blood. It sounds so sick. >.<

I screwed up my life completely this time.

Tmrr’s A levels H1 Chinese Oral

2009-07-15T18:51:00.000-07:00

Horrible grades for Common Tests. Yet I am still here. Tmrr’s A levels H1 Chinese Oral. I don’t know why my heart sort of “jerks” for a moment whenever I think of Chinese. Perhaps it is due to the fact that Chinese had been the only language which didn’t disappoint me before.. until Olevels HCL?

It was a B3.
Imagine my disappointment after so many years of taking HCL.

Anyway, I need to improve on my English Language, especially when I am currently an Arts Student. I can’t afford to fail General Paper.

I was being too moronic and bored a few days ago that I went to yahoo searching for my full name. And this is one of the research I found http://sms.math.nus.edu.sg/smo2006/indexno/Bukit%20Panjang%20Govt%20High%20School.pdf
Spot some rather familiar names? LOL my name is on the internet leii~ (:

And I am rather amused that some people still recognize me after so many years. Does this mean that I didn’t change? Haha, I am feeling rather guilty for not being too observant back then. But still, I feel rather.. Privileged (: LOL

Nevertheless, I wonder what sort of person I am, in some people’s eyes.
I really wonder.
From my experiences and high self-esteem, I dare say that you are extraordinary.

Something about History. The great Cold War is evidence of immaturity (That’s what I think). My history teacher said that the Cold War between the USA and USSR cannot be said as inevitable, and tell us not to call it "inevitable" in essays. In other words, Cold War is avoidable. If one party gives in.

But actually the cold war is a war in regard to reputation and credibility. That’s why the cold war dragged on and on, as their interests were at stake.

Alright, enough of History; I am off to take a nap.

AND I have forgotten how to study for Chinese Oral DD:

PROCRASTINATION KILLS.

2009-06-23T21:24:00.000-07:00

Some random brief updates. I need to STOP PROCRASTINATING! :( Tried different methods to study, but to no avail.

PROCRASTINATION KILLS.

And SO DO I. heh :)

轨迹

2009-06-07T21:55:00.000-07:00

我会发着呆然后忘记你
接着紧紧闭上眼

想着那一天会有人代替
让我不再想念你

我会发着呆然后微微笑
接着紧紧闭上眼

又想了一遍你温柔的脸
在我忘记之前

心里的眼泪模糊了视线
你已快看不见

BLANKS

2009-06-02T14:26:00.000-07:00

Decided to post today and NOW.
=)

End of post! (:

This post consists of 18 words in total and 3 emotions (:

A Little Not too Over You.

2009-05-30T10:49:00.000-07:00

Decided to post! (: but too lazy to update about events, SO..
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It never crossed my mind at all
That's what I tell myself
What we had has come and gone
You're better off with someone else

It's for the best I know it is but I see you
Sometimes I try to hide what I feel inside
And I turn around, you're with him now
I just can't figure it out

Tell me why you're so hard to forget
Don't remind me, I'm not over it
Tell me why I can't seem to face the truth
I'm just a little too not over you, not over you

Aren't memories supposed to fade?
What's wrong with my heart?
Shake it off, let it go
Didn't think it'd be this hard

Should be strong, movin' on but I see you
Sometimes I try to hide what I feel inside
And I turn around, you're with him now
I just can't figure it out

Maybe I regret everything I said
No way to take it all back, yeah
Now I'm on my own, how I let you go
I'll never understand
I'll never understand!

Tell me why you're so hard to forget
Don't remind me, I'm not over it
Tell me why I can't seem to face the truth
And I really don't know what to do
I'm just a little too not over you, not over you

haha. i eliminated some repetitions(:
A Little Not Too Over You by David Archuleta.

Proud of me, people? I Finally blogged leii! (: okay okay, would blog about real stuff soon. SOON! i promise. LOL i have a feeling that our definition of "soon" differs heh

Shan Hu Hai

2009-04-23T20:04:00.000-07:00

Clouds gather on the faraway (sea) horizon,
How can I keep my sadness calm
I remained straight-faced,
trying to cover the hint of resignation

You silently said that you wanted to leave
(The love's gone)
The sadness slowed down silently
Listen carefully to the crashing tides,
It is not from the sea but from tears

Turning around to leave,
(You have something to say but remained speechless),
unable to say it's over
The love between a seagull and a fish
is only an accidental occurrence

Differences had always existed in (the love you gave)
our love (we can't go back)
The dust that gathers in the wind
(ends up) accumulating to pain

Turning around and leave, (can't say it's over),
unable to say it's over
An azure coral sea, a missed momentary paleness

Right from the beginning (you and me both)
were not mature and frank enough (shouldn't)

The passion had not changed,
(your) smile cannot be forced
Love is buried deep within the coral sea

How do (we) rebuild the damaged sand sculpture,
how can (we) fix a broken relationship?
Only that all has ended too quickly and
you said you could not understand why

What surprises await in a seashell
(Waiting for the flowers to bloom)
We do not want to play the guessing game anymore
The sea breeze caressing the face
(the sea breeze caressing the face)
The salty love (the salty love)
Unable to feel any future (between us).
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I used to love this song - English translation from a Chinese song. Chinese people may go figure out on your own (:

MAYBE

2009-04-05T19:18:00.000-07:00

也许牵了手的手
前生不一定好走

也许有了伴的路
今生还要更忙碌

所以牵了手的手
来生还要一起走

所以有了伴的路
没有岁月可回头

Liessssssss

2009-03-29T09:27:00.000-07:00

想终止这一切挣扎
狠了心说真心谎话

that choice.

2009-03-03T19:49:00.000-08:00

You were my opportunity cost.

Bunnies Craze

2009-01-28T15:54:00.000-08:00

BUNNY CLAPPING HANDS?!

POOR BUNNY SOBBING =(

BUNNIES IN CUPS~!!

BABY BUNNY

Bunnies are so adorable! As such, i have decided to post photos of Bunnies, instead of CNY (:

一枝梅

2009-01-24T17:42:00.000-08:00

一枝梅。

Ilijimae

REMEMBER

2009-01-24T15:46:00.000-08:00

你的回话凌乱着
在这个时刻
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只是回忆的音乐盒还旋转着
要怎么停呢

3rd Post of today

2009-01-23T14:09:00.000-08:00

3rd post of today. I think it's pretty stupid, when I ramble on and on about the stupidity of love, then immediately the next post is on Relationships' lyrics. ROFL.

DON'T

2009-01-23T14:06:00.000-08:00

而我已经分不清
你是友情还是错过的爱情