Internal Heat, External Chill

That's how I am feeling right now. By that, I mean it figuratively and literally. Weather is cold; my skin is feeling cold but my body is rather feverish.

In addition, I may seem relatively calm now, but inside I'm desperately hoping that time can be rewinded; I shall not be greedy, give me 1 week more would do!

At this rate and with this sickly mood, I can't accomplish anything. And tomorrow's last tutorials, I must attend! What's going on, honey and strepsils are no longer working, neither are flu medicines? And now they have to take away my voice too. How am I supposed to survive in school tomorrow without a day of talkings and discussions. Not that I would talk a lot during discussions, but still.. I need it just in case.

I still don't understand why I'm suddenly so ill damn it. I am used to late nights - so the continuous 2-3 days of projects discussions shouldn't be the reason. I was still trolling on facebook and did some embarrassingly insane stuff.. such as, smsing to all my recent contacts at 4.30am (2nd late night) telling them I was drunk in projects and that #goodkidsshouldsleepnow. Better still, some recent contacts are some whom I didn't expect them to be my recent contacts. OH WELL.

Ohhh and not only that. At 5am I sent "Hohohohohohohoho" to a few recent contacts as well. Thankgoddess this time I didn't mark all recent contacts. And thankgoddess I never sent to any of my projects groups members LOL

Imagine my shock (and perhaps, amusement) when I woke up the next day. Apparently, some didn't reply and most who replied were amused. The kindest reaction was from Angeline who replied: " hahahahaha yunying! #thingsthatmakemesmile"..

And I'm stuck at not knowing what to do now. Shall I sleep?

Funny. I am so sick that I can't focus on my work but awake enough to ramble.

Dehumanization in Progress

asdfghjklasdfghjklasdfghjklasdfghjkl

PROJECT. PROJECTS.

Why are you dehumanizing me? I am already feeling very much like a zombie.

Imagine an awesome Saturday spent staring at your beloved laptop. I love my laptop, but I love my eyes too. Normally woke at 2pm on Saturdays, but today (or should I say yesterday since it's now 1 am plus) had an online Japanese Studies project meeting at 1pm. We paused at 7pm, and i started on my Economics project until 9pm, and back to JS project again until now.. (1.40am). Not yet done. Not forgetting to mention the fact that I am one who absolutely loaaaaathe projects all along.

Yeah, I'm so zombified (if there is ever such a term) that I'm trolling on blogger / twitter / facebook now. I really can't be bothered and I am feeling so suffocated and why am I multitasking 2 projects at the same time.

Trending #foreverlost on twitter with Ang. Retweeted from Ang: "#foreveralone VS #foreverlost dilemma in project. I think I prefer #foreveralone." TOTALLY AGREED. And here comes my current trendings:

#projectsucks

#whathappenedtomyfuckingsaturday

#foreverbraindead

#foreverinsane

#insanityrules!

#so-now-what

#meisawesome

#foreverhonest

Me: #goodkidsshouldsleepnow @kuro_wanko (Ang) #rainynights

Ang: I am tall and I am awesome.

Me: #liarliarpantsonfire.

Ang: #notwearingpants Can lie all you want? that means that according to gender stereotypes, it's alright for females to lie. Females supposed to not wear pants -> no pants to burn -> lie without consequences.

Me: #suchagreatlogic you is #genius

/troll mode on. Feeling rather drunk now. No, not from alcohol, not from emotional excess. Just drunk! At such an ungodly hour!

Still got the blues?

WARNING: this is an extremely disorganized post since it's mainly my stream of consciousness. Haha, and here it goes.

I am not a huge fan of songs from the Blues genre - I am terribly selective, and I like any songs from any genres as long as they make me think and feel. However, somehow this song title seems to reflect my current mood so I'm using it as my post title. Please don't ponder too much over this title though.

I was feeling rather.. unlike my usual indifferent black-hole self last night. This morning and now inclusive (it's night-time now), I'm feeling so much better (: Although I am still a bit annoyed at myself for reasons that I don't understand either. It all started from an msn conversation (last night), recalling certain past events. Troll much, no?

I swear (I am sorry for the constant use of "swear"; i know "swear" is too harsh a word, but I'm using it to place emphasis LOL). Just in case, you start guessing or letting your thoughts run wild even before you finish reading this post. Okays, I swear, I am NOT out of love. Nobody hurts me, alrights? (the following is cute :D http://fashionsociety.tumblr.com/post/12362988576)

Ohh and Worse of all, I think I almost lost my sanity when i commented: "but like cannot move on."

FML, why did i even bring up the talk on "moving on" asdfghjkl;' Must be the Japanese Studies forum's fault since before chatting on msn I was reading other students' forced-out-craps on JS forum. Must be the "aftermath" of JS which made me lose my rationality at that moment. Yeah, or so I believe.

"who cannot move on?"

ohh FML seriously, what did I say. Damn, that had me going for a moment and over my dead body would I elaborate more on that to you. Nonetheless I am still pretty amazed at how swiftly I recovered from it and even managed to skilfully switch the topic.. But then again, what is with my obsession over the term "moving on"!?

I don't see how the past should affect me anyway. As in, there was absolutely nothing back in secondary school (hell NO, seriously I SWEAR it only started in JC1 or maybe Secondary 4; I SWEAR certainly not during that period of time when I was 12 - 14). Don't ask me why so or why am I so weird, I don't know either. Moreover, it didn't in the least (not any at all) bother me back then, why did it bother me now.

So troll, I was mad at myself the entire night. I'm surprised at.. how surprised I felt. As in, I'm surprised at how I feel too. I know it all along, but somehow knowing that it was really the truth from the person-in-question is a different thing. So funny, I was raging at myself for some unmentionable reasons strangely. Better still, I am actually irritated with myself over some things which should not be of concerns to me - certainly not back then, and not now.

Yeah, and so shallow. But true, at our age, how deep can one be.

So it wasn't a game afterall as I have believed it to be. Or should I say, I lost the match. I (conscious and unintentional concurrently) brought troubles to myself 2 years ago and finally feel the pinch; I am amazed I actually feel the pinch; and now because I feel the pinch, I am annoyed with myself. So dumb. If that was happening now (or back in JC) instead of happening back in secondary school, I still have the reason to FEEL about it. But it was history, for goodness sake. It's amazing how this small historical thing could affect my mood yesterday.

I am even more impressed with my coolness and use of words then, even though my mind was in a mess. I am awesome when it comes to concealing. I only show you what I choose to show.

I really don’t know what I want exactly, and I don’t know what my feelings / thoughts are.

At times, I tend to get stuff which I didn’t even need to put in efforts.. And for only once or twice, I didn’t get what I want in spite of me trying (half-heartedly, of course). Take for instance, Olevels and Alevels. My grades are acceptable, but they were not what I wanted. Wait a minute, I didn't mean I mugged half-heartedly for them; I mean I mostly did last minute work..

And LOL, my life is so academically-based that I tend to link everything back to studies. Enough ramblings, shall start on the Macroeconomics project now I guess.

Ready! :)

Should be resting / mugging now. Feeling sick physically and mentally. Reminder to self: please finish the lit essay tonight, and drink more water. I understand I shouldnt be wasting time here on blogger, but.. i feel suffocated lol and my throat and nose are making things worse. The only thing i can do now is to make my chest feel better.

Little actions / gestures are meant to be unnoticeable, but one does get tired of being under-appreciated. I was such a naive and stupid (seriously) kid, even up till now, i am still .. well, as dumb as i was back then, enduring without them knowing. I never thought of claiming any credits, but it seriously sucks when people accuse you constantly of something you know you are not, and that they do not know you are not because you never express yourself explicitly. I don't know how to explain it, but I feel like shit. To make things worse, you never see the need to express or clarify, since you think that "it doesn't matter, we have the same blood, endure, there's no need to be so calculative," or you assume that "Never mind. One day, they will know. One day, they will realize that actually it was me who.. "

Yeah, ONE DAY. Can only pray hard that the "ONE DAY" would come soon and that I would not explode before that day arrives.

=/ OH WELL. I was never such a calculative person, but all the unjustified accusations are making me crazy. Just because I was more of the passive character when young, I always end up to be the cold-hearted, selfish, heartless and indifferent one, no matter what.

On a more positive note, last night's mini group dinner at MOF was awesome enough. Meeting up with old friends and listening to their crappings really make me nostalgic. Realize that all of us have finally grown up. :) Okayys, not really "grown-up" since our conversations are still as immature as ever, for instance: /in chinese

"huh you don't know about his most famous line back in BP meh."

"forgot, what is it?"

"what's your religion?"

"no religion?"

"THEN PRAY TO ME!"

then the new line: "huh you until now still no religion? So devoted to me!?"

Haha, i used to think that many things have changed as time passes, but gratefully, not everything has changed for the worse as i had feared. :) Hope there will be more of such meet-ups! A 4-people dinner may seem small but it's nice nonetheless! Humour and lameness LOL :)

/coughs. Need to do lit now.

On a random note, the feminist who is known to have a black hole for a heart is going to start hunting for targets after finals. :) See, told you!

Next week is Recess Week~!

I absolutely loathe.. that kind of feeling. It's like, you know you are waiting, but you arent sure what exactly are you waiting for. As in, you are uncertain of what's going on in the first place.

Concurrently, the weird sensation that something is wrong, when nothing is wrong. Am I returning to my mood of insanity? Yeah, I know that I was never conventionally sane. I also understand that I was never a very very.. errmm good good girl sometimes either; but come on, I am positive that both you (whoever is reading this) and I know I am considerably decent. Decent as in, both conventionally and unconventionally!

Maybe i should just disappear. This is highly irritating and is certainly a great distraction.

Detachment is an absolutely wise option

School has started yet I am still not in the mugging mood ): hmm okayys, currently my jc mood is back; description of my "JC mood" = happily hanging out with friends -> reach home -> enter my room -> glance at my table (all the notes and whatsoever) -> suddenly, sleepy and head a bit pain -> don't care, sleep is more important. And this process occurs almost everyday.

I am attempting to plan my timetable (studying schedule) now.. Not that i would really abide by / follow them, but well, like what my teachers used to tell me: IF YOU FAIL TO PLAN, YOU PLAN TO FAIL! So i guess i would just plan them out nicely, since I certainly do not want to fail anything. Afterall, i don't remember anyone saying anything about "failing because you did not follow your plans faithfully"..

Was thinking of deleting this blog and creating a new one. =/ But.. i'll just let it be for the time being. Deleting something physically doesn't necessarily mean you can delete (or forget) it entirely from your life. hmmm. seeing and remembering it yet able to detach yourself from it is the more accurate way, I think.

I want my old life back. Next week = New life. Okayys, actually these 2 weeks = new life; but tutorials haven't started. Hope i didn't make the wrong (weird doesn't mean wrong!) choices of taking the following modules:

Introduction to Literary Studies (Literature)
Introduction to Economics Analysis
Making Sense of Society (Sociology)
Introduction to Japanese Studies
Living with Mathematics

Speaking of which, in this semester, I didn't take the modules i soo badly wanted before school officially started; "Basic Translation - English/Chinese", "Samurai/Geisha", "Gender/Sexuality in Japan", "European Studies", "French I".

Seems like pragmatism outweighs my desires. I think I am born a rational person, but now i am doubting it. I just realise that my "Living with Mathematics" is an irrational decision (i mean, afterall, i am an Arts student).

Need to regain my confidence and love for Mathematics (my long-lost love). Omg, the previous sentence sounds horrendously familiar. I think i repeated it quite a number of times always before Olevels / Alevels began. -.- So maths, love me back please? I promise to leave you alone after this semester~ Okayys, maybe not. As usual, it all depends on my mood. :)

Take it away, I never had it anyway.

/edited

Bidding. Whatever. A noob like me prefers something simpler.. I'd rather not have any choices than need to deal with such complicated stuff. Okayy, not exactly that complicated, but as i have admitted, i'm a downright noob. Alright, shall take back my words. Having choices are good actually.

Qet results are out. I'm in Band 3 = means i am exempted from english modules hohohohoh. Initially i still thought Band 3 is the worst lololol it's weird, the bandings order I mean. Not in the conventional order D:

Was happily mass-sending this piece of good news to friends (Mr Mohan inclusive heheh) who have helped me in some way or another in preparation for this Qet (yes, i'm that KIASU enough to prepare for it.. well face it, most of you would be too if you were in my shoes)

Heh most of my friends' replies didn't disappoint :) they are just as glad as I am.

Better still. the person who replied almost immediately is someone.. idk why I still hope to really keep in touch with.
"Haha grats!! Tell you your english not D standard liao lo."
I am proud to say that i managed to refrain myself from saying "haha, thanks for having faith /confidence in my english." I have this bad habit of remembering / quoting what this friend of mine said before. A very annoying habit of mine, hope i can get over it soon. Somehow this moron often says things which give people really deep impression..

Even the time now (2:49 AM) reminds me of this friend. =.= Late sleepers. However unlike me, my friend has already altered his/her sleep cycle..

And i find it ridiculously weird that i can link from Qet replies to past incidents to time to sleep cycles, as though my entire life revolves around this friend.

Act, as though you care.

如果有一天
我回到從前, 回到最原始的我

你是否, 會覺得我不錯


I shall blog about something hilarious now, to ease my ... hmmm, mood of "Je Ne Sais Quoi" over some stuff? Lolol. Shall try to refrain from posting ambiguous things today.

Some kids are.. super cute? hahahah well, I can't find the most appropriate term.

(1) Question posed: Where do the water come from? (supposed to derive answers from a condensation experiment)
Student's answer: The stone. Because the stone will gain heat and to a liquid state where it has water. My immediate reaction at that: WHAT IS THIS? Melting?! and stone where huh?! (then i realized that the stone is just an insignificant prop used in the set-up..)

(2) Question posed: What are the rabbit's hind legs for?
Student's answer: To step on prey.
Correct answer should be: To run away from predators.
Me: WHAT prey? BUNNIES eat plants or CARROTS what D:

(3) Choosing the option : Back-swimmers and water-boatman have flippers / webbed feet ; while dolphins / seals have oar-like legs. Students' reason for choosing this option? They don't know what's a water boatman. Coincidentally, the previous week I taught them about water-spiders so they assume water-boatman is another insect ): omg, poor human, the water boatman lolol

I couldn't help it :) I was yelling at them yet laughing non-stop at the same time. okok, they are primary school kids. And at least these kids tried the questions and never leave them blank.

And the setters of the papers are also.. a bit weird.

(1) a topic known as "Circulatory system in plants".
(2) Question: "The lizard is well-adapted to live in human dwellings. Which function of its adaptation is incorrectly described?" One of the option is "Adaptation: Tail that can drop off and keep on wriggling for a while. Function: to attract mates for reproduction." LOL such sexual connotation.. wasted on a primary school paper. hahahah they don't have that sense of humour!

Anyway, was flipping through Cleo Magazine (July 2011 issue) with Fitri + Yiting and came across something which makes me D: D: D: for quite some time

Horoscope (For Pisces who are single) July 2011

"Though you think he's the one, the truth is, he doesn't think the same way about you. This would lead you to lose confidence but you would get over him soon enough. And when you are back on your feet again, return to the dating scene with a swipe of Kiehl's lip gloss in pink rider ($27) for shiny lips no one can resist."

HEY THAT HURTS MY PRIDE! it's a rough kick in my ego can D: and to my astonishment, I actually went to search the departmental stores for that Kiehl's lip gloss, but can't find such a brand. -.-

On an extremely random note, I have been obsessed (for weeks) with an old song by Jay Chou.

天灰灰 会不会
让我忘了你是谁

夜越黑 梦违背 难追难回味~

To my annoyance, Ang's troll comments to this awesome song: "That's just bad memory. See bad weather then forget stuff..!"

Still I hope for more & more, in this funny little world

I think I need to keep my temper (and perhaps sensitivity) in check -.-

Maybe it's due to me not getting enough sleep? My sleep cycle is so screwed up; back to Square 1 again. No wonder i never grow. Okayy, not NEVER grow. I mean, grow, but not at a desirable pace.

Eeyer nonetheless. Got easily irritated these days, and my prejudice against certain people seems to have deepened tremendously.. And of course, without their help, all these would not have been made possible. :) Not that i really want to find fault with them. They started it first~!

Some people think that they know you better than you know yourself. Better still, quite a number of weird people judge you based on the kind of friends you have. If your friend is stupid, you are stupid too. If your friend is a flirt, well that makes you one too. And there you are, saying we are the superficial / shallow ones. Now now, who are you calling shallow? Fyi, the blood runs in the family, not in friends~

Some people judge you (and omg i still think i am decent though heheh) based on your words on facebook, twitter, tumblr, face-to-face.. words that may have double-meanings / may be frequently misinterpreted. Some of these people may even be Literature students, but at times humans do misread / are unable to detect tones accurately (so who cares even if you scored an A for Literature). LOL, and sorry no, i'm not implying that i should be the one to get that A~! (though i secretly hope i did.. D:)

Not to forget to mention the fact that i'm a person who sucks at expressing myself (or not expressing). Well, therefore i don't blame you (or your Lit-gotten-A skills) for misreading me since it's my own fault, i know, i know how to reflect on myself, i see the need to improve.

I loathe it when people make wild guesses about other people's (mine's, particularly) stories, and second-guessing other people's conversations. Some people can make such a big fuss over what you said with no strings attached on twitter / facebook / whatever on net or in public. You may be conversing / joking / fooling around with your own close friends innocently, and they happened to see the conversation, then began to make wild guesses, judging you and your friends based on those words (which have absolutely nothing to do with them). And the fact that they already harbour prejudices against you doesn't help D: Uhh. Serve me right for accepting you(s) as a friend(s) on facebook / twitter / real life?

More ironically, the people who they themselves are sick of judgements are the ones judging you. And the funny thing is, here i am, judging them back. LOL. Man, this is an inevitable and never-ending process of "judging". And since it is unavoidable, i'm not saying that we should not judge. I'm trying to say that, you judge, but don't influence others with your judgement or insist they take your opinion (with regard to what kind of person I am). No need to blow things up, especially when misunderstanding / misinterpretation is involved. My life doesn't concern you anyway, or does it?

I am not really a cold-hearted person (stop rolling your eyes at this, my bffs, hahah i'm so kind can), but sympathy is another irritating weapon to hurt others. I have the habit of bouncing upon / reading random people's blogs (when my friends ask me to read that particular person's blog). I realise that some people make use of this "sympathy" device to condemn others, victimising themselves and exaggerating their aggressors' flaws. Some times, these "victims" are the real aggressors in disguise~! Well but i must admit that most of the time, those people who are being condemned in blogs deserve to be reprimanded lol (:

And i dont mean i am the one of those who deserve to be criticised. Frankly speaking, there have been cases where people are talking about me on their blogs and i happened to be reading those posts without even realising the person in question is me~!

Now that i know some people are talking about me even without me realising, i have become quite sensitive -.- Currently, whenever i read their posts, even when i know they are not talking about me, i have that tugging feeling that they are talking about me..

D: heyyyy why does it seem like i'm always the aggressor. I may be evil, but i'm kind at the same time~!

Anyway. how do you find my new blogskin?! :):)

In a cold, calculated manner

/edited

Haven't blogged for quite some time (not as often like in the past few weeks). Not that i don't have anything to talk about, but more of me wanting to stop reminding myself of things i should not have cared. Or rather, i want to prevent my a-lot-of-things-to-do-but-unable-to-prioritise mind from thinking / pondering / brooding over trivial matters.

And yes, sorry for being MIA (twitter, facebook, blogger, tumblr, msn..) i don't want to log in / visit them. And don't have the desire to. Okayy perhaps, until now. Yet it's more like.. out of a habit though. Friday nights, you know :)

READING IS AWESOME~! Books (at that, my taste of books may differ from yours) are my saviours, my favourite companions. My parents just don't understand the significance / importance of books in my life, especially during night-time. D: I need those books, as simple as that. I do cherish my eyes, i have noted the fact that i need to improvise my reading habits; but i cherish my mind / brains more. they deserve a break from the real world, the world which i believed that sucks till cannot be any suckier.. ehh perhaps until NUS FASS accepted me (LOL) the world which i used to believe since young that efforts would pay off, your own destiny is in your hands..

I shall take back my words, as well as those old beliefs of mine which i used to lead my life by. Currently, i believe that some things are fated. yes, efforts and hard work do make difference / play a crucial role in our lives, but i realise that there are several things that cannot be explained using logics. Not that i'm a logical person by nature, anyway. i'm idealistic, but pragmatic. Lol, so contradictory hohohohoh

Indeed, idk what kind of person i am. I am sensitive, yet insensitive at times; I am friendly, yet hostile at times; i can be a chatterbox, yet i am reserved at times; i am decent, yet i act like a bitch at times; i am true / sincere, yet i often find myself putting on different masks under different circumstances. *shrugs*

I am tired. )))): I am finally tired of caring about how others look at me or say about me or how they treat me. I am tired of analysing / observing / over-reading / sensing, in short, i want to stop getting headaches / misery / unhappiness over what people think / do / say as they cross my path. I cannot take it anymore, I AM TIRED. At this rate, i don't know what odd changes to my character / personality there would again be.

My life can be better-off, if i care more for my own welfare and turn a blind eye to other human beings, no? For the sake of my sanity, as well as insanity. I agree that i am an eccentric person, to a certain extent. I know I am not a constant person; frankly, my own variety of changes shocks me as well haha.

Actually, my life isn't that bad. it may not be as awesome as what i desire, it may not be as meaningful as some others', but still i must admit that it is considerably acceptable.

the day where everything gradually fade away like decaying photos, and i possess the courage to rip my soul from them, instead of forever fretting over the consequences that i may regret for losing them? It is far from now, i guess. for now, i don't want to lose a part of myself, and certainly don't know how to.

Because my past is what defines me, and only through its elements am i able to recognise myself. Although i may still be unable to grasp any knowledge or understanding of myself, at least i know who i am. (I know I am awesome hahah)

// Quoted from Ang whom i was rambling to : "If you look back whilst walking from a graveyard, you see nothing and what's worse, ghosts haunt you."

Well. I ought to stop picking on the scattered pieces from the past, nor should i continue attempting to fix / remedy / make sense out of them now. The past is dead, and it's already too late. Not matter what, things cannot be undo. I would miss out more if i insist on reviewing the past, refusing to move on. It's a tiresome, never-ending process. Stubbornness can only bring me so far.

Easy said. Yet the art of not-being-obstinate is hard to master. Stubbornness is in fact one of my traits which i'm proud of -.-

marriage de amour

/edited

It's strange how things work. Or rather, how the humans' brains work. You may not understand yourself well yet you don't bother to try to understand yourself more, but instead you are curious about someone else. Out of everyone, you choose to want to know more about that particular person(s) whom you find worth your time understanding, talking to, dealing with. Worse still, when you know that you are asking for a challenge subconsciously; you know the how high the probability of awkwardness / uneasiness occurring for you and that person.

At the end of the day, you realise that the person you have been trying to understand (and perhaps you believe you know many things about him / her); you realise that you don't know him at all. You only see and judge based on what he / she choose to show; and whatever you didn't see or hear from others, you don't know. Eventually, you are forced to admit that all along you were simply observing the shallow misleading surface. You may know a person for years (more than 6, perhaps), you may be in the same school or class or cca or have a number of mutual friends in common, yet..

Really, what's the point now.

And imagine that person quoting your msn personal message "What's the point" and applying it to his / her own current situation, when you are actually referring to him / her. Makes you jerk up and flustered for a moment, doesn't it?

Idk if it's only me and my friends, or is it for most Singaporean students. Our topics always revolve around studies, education. Somehow, every conversation would link back to academic stuff. So you can't blame me if i "made use" of the excuse "Studies" to initiate a conversation most the time, whether it was to help you in your weaker subjects (which, okayy, you may think i'm good at, but actually i was just a bit more hardworking than you are) or to ramble about school. It's actually a desperate attempt to keep the conversation alive.

I said i want to stop. idk if i should, idk if i want. idk if i really tried. i know that over-reading (even if it has been the past) is fatal; but i really want to know if i had / have over-read. In Literature, my awesome lit teachers would inform me professionally which parts i had misread, and remind me not to make those deadly mistakes again. But in real life, who will? And who do you expect me to ask? Even if i know exactly who i should ask, how am i supposed to phrase the questions in my head out of my lips, without hurting any of my pride?

I admitted that i slipped. I used to think that i slipped but never fell. But now i realise that i did not merely slipped, but also fell. Just that there is no ripping, shattering, or breaking.

Without the least bit of provocation on my part

TODAY. BASIC THEORY TEST FOR DRIVING.

Ang passed with FLYING COLOURS - 50/50. 100%. what a troll. She completed the test earlier than me and was grunting impatiently beside me hohohohoh (but she was kind enough to wait and submit together with me) and i don't give a damnn then (: i passed too, 48/50. seems like i didn't make the wrong choice of only started studying for it one or two days ago.. okok, the passing score is 45/50, so i shouldn't be bragging so much about it here lol.

NO NEWS FROM NTU AND SMU YET. idk whats the delay about since i never applied for any discreationary stuff; it should be either a straight acceptance or rejection. Nonetheless, i have already decided : i am CERTAINLY accepting NUS FASS (thankyou so much for accepting me too~!) the feeling of getting accepted by your very 1st choice out of all (and getting that acceptance notification to arrive first) is truly.. Indescribable. but still, the feeling of getting accepted by all and is able to make a choice is.. good? Even though i have already gotten my 1st choice lol.

A while ago I chanced upon many random people's blogs (yes, i always accidentally bounced upon people's blogs while searching for another person's blog), and apparently, i began reading those random people's blogs since i didn't manage to find the blog url of the person whose posts i intended to read -.-

It's kind of.. depressing yet amusing at the same time to read some people's blogs. Depressing, because of their emotional posts, as well as the fact that i need to visit dictionary.com to check up some words (don't remind me; i need to take the NUS English Proficiency Test). Am impressed by their use of language, really. Amusing, because.. well. Some of them are supposed to sound amusing (at least to me), i guess.

// DAD JUST OPENED THE MAILBOX AFTER HIS TAIJI PRACTICE AND THANKMYGODDESS, NUS FASS ACCEPTANCE LETTER IS HERE~!

okok where was i? anyway let's cut the topic on university stuff; it begins to sound boringg, no? no mention of studies in my posts from now till August!

Let's talk about warriors. Victory. Winners. Losers. The sense of satisfaction you get when you win something, without even requiring you to put up a fight. You achieve it subconsciously, unknowingly..

ERM. actually i think i can achieve sweet victory at the battle of randomness as well hohohohoh

on another extremely random note, today is the first time i really considered touching a guitar.. hmm. Oh well. Some people have really awesome fingers. Awesome as in, not only having the skills, but also physically; idk how to describe other than using the word "nice". I WANT THOSE FINGERS. Seriously. Those that people used to claim to be "pianist fingers" back in BP.

and yes, literally too, for those noobs who want to hear me admit this. -.-